<p>This last visit was S1’s fifth visit home. This one was the toughest to swallow. His permanent visitor status was etched in stone, chisel in his hands. As it should be.</p>
<p>**My cousin is married to a West Point dept. head. Faculty families ‘adopt’ cadets every year, giving the lucky ones a place to go to get away from the barracks, have a few laughs, shoot pool, eat home-cooked food etc. The trick is to get yourself ‘adopted’, hint hint. This year, her ‘adopted’ boy’s families stayed with her for graduation week.</p>
<p>Another hint is to send lots of care packages. The first summer is tough on them. It’s meant to be tough, but still… I can see how it makes the drop-off that much harder. Big hugs to you oib1.</p>
<p>Wyogal!!! You have described my next-life strategy–or should I say strategery-- exactly! Still trying to hash out the details of where, but I pay so much more attention to the Friday WSJ fantasy real estate section now.</p>
<p>This thread prompted me to talk to my parents today about when I went off to college. My mother said that they dropped me at the bus station early in the evening, but could not bring themselves to go back to an empty house. They invented all kinds of excuses to stay out, finally going to a late movie. She said they didn’t come home until quite late.</p>
<p>It’s interesting that I never knew that before (and that took place 40 years ago).</p>
<p>Thanks to all for opening your hearts and sharing your thoughts on this topic.
My oldest S is off in August, my youngest is 13 and just starting to pull away. I bounce back and forth between trying to enjoy what is left and facing the future. I am reassured to know that at this lonely time, I am not alone. Seeing the wonderful opportunities ahead for my S helps as well as the frequent conflicts that I understand are normal to help S separate but I will miss him dearly.</p>
<p>I am bookmarking this thread to remind myself that my blues will not unique to me or a sign of weakness and neurosis when my oldest S leaves home this August. We are lucky he is only going to be three hours away although he applied to schools 13 hours afield and could easily have been half a continent away. (By the way, everyone chimes in at this point that he might as well be 13 hours away as he will barely come home regardless. thank-you! ) </p>
<p>I don’t want to make a huge scene as we leave campus. I am sure most of you newbies like me also hope to leave with a modicum of grace.</p>
<p>A Mom I know who left her S at college a couple years ago said she began to blubber in the parking lot after hauling everything into the hot dorms, so she made a not very graceful exit…the kind none of us wants to imagine, her son sort of speechless and her tears not of even the semi-controlled variety. She said her goodbyes and left the parking lot and got on the Interstate, where she started boo-hooing with abandon while she drove home. A few minutes later, she saw a woman whose car was parked on the side of the highway, and she was standing near a ditch by a dog who had been hit by a car and had not survived.<br>
She pulled over and found that this woman had been looking for her dog, and was grieving by the side of the road.<br>
She joined the woman, a total stranger, and the two of them hung on to each other and sobbed and sobbed for a spell. The woman seemed a little startled by the degree of my friend’s display of grief. After they had let it all hang out by the side of the road, my friend helped this lady get her poor dog settled in her car and get on home.
Something about this scene is just too poignant, ridiculous, absurd and funny and sweet. Losing someone you love hurts, although the comparisons of course don’t really align and do strain the brain.</p>
I think the key to a happy departure is to feed off the excitement of the event. It will be everywhere–in your son’s eyes, in the other parents and first-years, in the events they will have for new parents, etc. Participate in as many as you can, begin to feel like a college parent in the same way you felt like an involved, up-to-speed HS parent. It’s awfully exciting and fun…remember, it is just as much a culmination of all your family has been trying to accomplish as it is a life-passage moment.</p>
<p>I am tearing up as I read this thread. I too am going to miss my oldest S terribly. He has been working this summer as a sailing coach and has been living down at the bay 5 days out of the week, so I have kind of been going through a weening process. My youngest S (13) went away to a summer program for 3 weeks, came home for a week, and is leaving again on Sunday for a 4 week camp. Funny thing, I would say that my house is quiet and clean if it weren’t for my middle S. All those years that my oldest and youngest blamed the middle for the mess, and I never believed them…Well, they were right! He is a total slob!! My oldest S feels so vindicated!</p>
<p>I remember my son’s “departure”. The Engineering school had arranged for a parent/student afternoon social event, at the end of which parent’s were expected to say goodbye to their kids and then leave. We walked to the outdoor event together. When we got there, he spotted a group of students (all of whom were strangers to my son and probably to each other) and immediately joined with them. The parents stood outside the tent watching their kids laughing and forming new friendships. This was a great comfort to me, knowing that my somewhat quiet kid was ready to fly from the comfort of his nest and start to build new relationships.</p>
<p>With very mixed emotions I drove home. However, listening to the classic rock of my college days on the XM radio brought back many happy memories of my own and helped immeasurably in terms of reminding me what a great experience my son was about to encounter. It was one of the happiest drives I have ever had.</p>
<p>The orientation packet arrived today. (The kid, of course, is off with friends and won’t see it until end of the holiday weekend!)</p>
<p>Mine is an only child, going half a continent away. I am flying out with her to orientation and to help with move-in day. When families are “invited” to leave, I’ll be hanging around, off-site at a hotel. (Getting a cheaper airfare meant staying an extra day.) When I do get home, I’ll be taking my husband and his parents to the airport the next am for an out-of-country reunion. They will all be gone for 3 weeks. Talk about an empty-nest feeling – I’m sure I’ll experience it in spades!</p>
<p>Oh, my goodness, Boxmaker, you need to plan something WONDERFUL for yourself after your D goes to college! I too have one D (two older stepsons) and that time period was difficult. The hardest was leaving her there at the dorm and then driving away, and I had my H with me. It wasn’t so bad when we got back home, but do plan some fun treats for yourself for those first few weeks.</p>
<p>We will be flying out to Indiana to take our youngest to college in late August. The first day there we will help him buy all the stuff he didn’t want to try to take on the plane. The next day we will deliver him to his dorm. Then we plan to spend a few days exploring Indiana (or at least the southern part) before a last good-bye and flying home. I am hoping that the excitement of exploring someplace we have never been before will keep the good-bye from being too painful.</p>
<p>I think the worst part will be when we walk into a quiet house and look into his empty room. It will help a bit that our older son (just graduated from college) will probably still be at home for a couple months more.</p>
<p>Over my parent’s objections, I decided to go to a school that was twelve hours away instead of my father’s alma mater which was only six hours away. I got off of a waitlist in August and my parents were spitting tacks in the weeks before I left. They refused to drive me there. I had to find a ride. They refused to buy me any supplies. They went mad trying to thwart me, their eldest child.</p>
<p>When my ride arrived at 5 am on the day, there were heaps of tears and hanky-wringing as we said our goodbyes on the front porch. “Twelve hours in a truck with a man you don’t know!!??” </p>
<p>I forgot an tiem and made a last dash into the house to get it, slamming the front door behind me as I ran to the truck. The folks stood on the porch, waving their sad goodbyes. More bitter than sweet, I’m sure.</p>
<p>Of course, after we drove away, they turned to go back into the house and discovered that I had accidently (of course!) locked them out of the house. It took them an hour to rouse one of my brothers.</p>
<p>Arriving at university without your parents is incredibly liberating, I must say. My mom came to visit within the first month. My departure brought on a huge anxiety. She discovered she cannot cope without a first hand picture of her child’s surroundings.</p>
<p>I am on my third in 4 years leaving for college in August and #4, DS, is a rising senior this year so he will be gone next fall. I would love to tell you all that it gets easier, but NOPE it is horrible.</p>
<h1>5 is a rising sophomore and he is the last. UGH. Oldest will be graduating college when #4 is graduating high school. At least she will be going to grad school for 4 years close to home!!</h1>
<p>And it gets really quiet here when they are all out of the house. Thank goodness for the 3 dogs, 2 cats and Mr. Rabbit.</p>
<p>Katwkittens: I LOVE to hear about your family. Pets do help with the empty nest syndrome, don’t they? Sadly, my 14-year-old dog, very dear to me, was terminally ill in the fall that my only D went out-of-state to college. My dog had to be put to sleep just before Thanksgiving. Luckily, we had another dog and our bird, but still…that was tough. We got the older dog just before my D started kindergarten, and at that time I thought, I sure hope this dog doesn’t die when D leaves for college. And sure enough, that’s just what happened.</p>
<p>Just before D’s soph. year, we got a new puppy (D spearheaded that effort, thinking of me, I am sure) and took that dog on the cross-country drive to get D’s car to college. FUN! We often talk about smuggling the eight-week-old puppy into our hotel rooms.</p>
Love that story. But just so you all know, it’s not that hard to travel with your pet these days. We use <a href=“http://www.petswelcome.com%5B/url%5D”>www.petswelcome.com</a> all the time to locate pet-friendly hotels all over the country.</p>
(i’ll be a college freshman this fall and moving from cali to NY…)</p>