<p>Our only child is going to college in September. D got into her first choice LAC and my H and I are so excited for her! D is a very independent kid and we feel this school is a perfect match.</p>
<p>The other day I went to the Post Office to mail her deposit. Bursting with pride, I put the envelope in the outgoing mail. Afterwards, I walked out of the building, and before I knew it began sobbing. So much so, that I sat on a stoop for a few minutes to collect myself.</p>
<p>My H works and I am a full time mom w/several volunteer activities ( both with D’s school and outside) which keep me busy and fulfilled. Yet the reality that D is leaving hit me like a ton of bricks. I was caught off guard by my reaction ( I could understand sobbing at Graduation but at the Post Office?!). I love my D more than life itself, and at the same time, am excited for her to go off on this extraordinary adventure. She’s ready. The question is “Am I”?</p>
<p>If any of this sounds familiar, I’d be grateful to hear your stories and how you have gone about approaching this “new stage” of life.</p>
<p>Depending upon how far away your daughter is going to school, you will be seeing her quite a few times a year. My youngest child is going to college in the fall and I am dreading the quiet house. I work part-time and get together with girlfriends one night a week to socialize and play mah jong. Even though there is a terribble job market, see if you can get a part time or full time job. The other thing you could do is get a dog if you don’t have one already. They have to be walked a few times a day and they’re a great way to meet new people. Also, there are probably other mothers in the same boat as you’re in. See if they want to get together once a week for lunch/walk or shopping. Before you know it, you’re daughter will be home again!</p>
<p>One of the things that I thought was funny about when my parents finally empty-nested, was that they all of the sudden started having this extremely active social life. It was hard for me to track them down when I wanted to call because with no kids at home they started going out for dinner a lot more, going to concerts a lot more, taking little weekend get-away trips often. </p>
<p>They painted and changed the furniture in the house. They kept our rooms the same until we graduated and now they’ve turned one into an office and one into a semi-guest room/sitting room/study thing.</p>
<p>I am in a similar boat, my D, ( my only child) leaving in August. I prepared her for this pretty much her entire life, but like you failed to prepare myself for this reality. </p>
<p>Fortunately I have a full time job, so that helps, and 2 years ago I got myself a Golden Retriever (who is blonde like my daughter) to help me thru.</p>
<p>DorothyG - even though I still have one younger son at home - I understand how hard it for a mom to watch the baby bird leave the nest. Last summer - I felt like I was pregnant - I was so emotional! Finally watched Marley & Me and had a good cry. </p>
<p>It will be easier than you think. Like many things in life - the anticipation can be worse than the actual event. You’ll probably speak/text/e-mail frequently - you’ll visit in October when most schools have a family weekend - and Thanksgiving comes around faster than you could ever believe. I thought I would be crying the whole way home after dropping son off at college last summer - but it just wasn’t like that. He was happy - he was at a great school - there was just no need for tears.</p>
<p>When my younger son leaves for college in 2 years - I hope to pick up a few new hobbies - do more travelling with my hubby - and just enjoy myself. Moms work so hard - this is your time to be a little selfish and find activities that you enjoy doing. I’m sure it will be better than you think!</p>
<p>I don’t have advice at this point, but I’m facing an empty nest this fall, too. My youngest is heading off to college, and her older brother will be a senior is college. </p>
<p>I’m going to miss D tremendously. I’m so used to hearing about her day, and I doubt we’ll be in “every day” contact after she leaves. I think it’ll affect my relationship with my husband, too. Seems like many of our activities and conversations revolve around our daughter. Not long ago, during dinner while D was out, we looked at each other and asked “what will talk about when she’s out of the house?” </p>
<p>H and I both work, and I do some volunteer work. I suspect I’ll pick up more volunteer hours and look into clubs, classes or activities that fit my interests. But it’ll definitely be a big adjustment for all of us.</p>
<p>Dorothy…I know how you feel!! I was hit with a TON of emotion unexpectantly when I was with my daughter at an admitted students event. We were sitting in a packed auditorium and the Dean started welcoming the students. BAM!! I felt like I was hit with a 2 by 4. Fortunately my family let me be, and thankfully paid no attention. </p>
<p>I though that by the time I got to my 3rd and 4th kids, that I would be used to this. But no. My last 2 are twins…so I will going thru 2 move-ins this summer. Although I will be far away, they are going to schools about 10 miles away from each other. I am super happy about that.</p>
<p>I just got a part-time job so I hope that helps. But I really like the dog idea!!!</p>
<p>Dorothy, your D’s leaving will create an empty nest, but you’ll discover new things and your own life takes over. It’s an exciting time for both of you. </p>
<p>That’s what I’m hoping will happen to me, but that’s a delayed hope. My youngest is leaving this August and I know I’ll be terribly sad. I’ll be sad at HS graduation because that’s the end of that phase. I’ll be sad at the moving in day because that will be that last time I’m a “parent of a freshman”. </p>
<p>But none of this will leave me with an empty nest. I’ll still have my oldest child, who graduates in June, returns home from college and has no job. And I’ll have my (93 year old) mother who is still living with us. (She’s such work: just needs lots and lots of companionship.) But me? I just yearn for that independence of an empty nest. I need a good listener, who doesn’t complain, who does what he’s told. </p>
<p>My one-and-only is graduating from college next week!</p>
<p>Observations from my experience:</p>
<p>Yep, It is painful. I walked around feeling like I had a hole in my heart for a good part of that first year. But, really, it does get better. I still feel particularly at peace on those unusual nights when he is asleep in “his” room down the hall, but I am not bereft anymore! Instead I am very proud.</p>
<p>I found out that I cannot grieve and be grateful at the same time. During the drop off process I kept reminding myself how wonderful it has been to be his mother, what a great kid he is, etc. I AM grateful. Focusing on that crowded out the self-pity. Then I drove 2 days to get home and then I cried big time.</p>
<p>I did not pretend to our son that this was not a big deal or that it was easy. Before he left I acknowledged that this would be a transition for each of us, that I was experiencing some sadness, and he might be experiencing mixed feelings and some apprehension. I told him that I would always be there for him, did expect to hear from him, but would try not to be intrusive. I also told him how proud and excited I was for him. </p>
<p>I told him I had loved being his mother; we both got damp eyed. (and that is what I repeated to myself during the gratitude part-see above)</p>
<p>Next fall may not be as bad as it seems. The nest empties gradually. New college students come home surprisingly often, and they tend to have a lot to talk about – both when they’re at home and online or on the phone during the semester – because so much new stuff is happening in their lives. </p>
<p>The real empty nest comes later. They reach a point where it no longer seems appropriate to share a lot of details, some of them come home less often, and then they graduate and move into lives that don’t involve spending four months of the year with you. I see my 24-year-old son once a year now, and my 20-year-old daughter will never spend a summer at home again.</p>
<p>You are so not alone. When my youngest graduated from high school I burst into tears. I felt that I had been fired from the best job that I could ever have.</p>
<p>My youngest leaves for college this fall too, so I am going to join the empty nester’s club. I don’t think the reality of this has hit me yet, and it will be hard when it finally happens! I do have a full time job so that will help, but I am going to miss her terribly! Her older sister is now a grad student at a school over 1500 miles away—thankfully younger D will be much closer.</p>
<p>i agree with marian. it is really hard when they go…and even harder when you realize they aren’t coming home for those summer breaks and winter holidays! yikes!</p>
<p>Our son was fortunate to get good, out of state, summer internships starting sophomore year. The summer after freshman year was the last time he “lived” at home. waaaaah! (channeling my inner Lucy.)</p>
<p>Try to remember that this has been the goal all along. We were never planning to raise critters who were perpetually dependent on us. We were trying to raise good, responsible adults. </p>
<p>Then it happens: they are good, responsible adults. :eek:</p>
<p>And we have to adjust and move on. Once again, we are setting an example.</p>
<p>My one and only is leaving the nest as well, he’s actually leaving home in June to go be a counselor at his camp and there is not enough time between the end of camp and the beginning of college to come home. So I’m avoiding the calender at all costs, just trying to be present in the moment. </p>
<p>It also hits me at strange times, too. Just yesterday I drove past the Kindergarden registration sign at his school (all the grades are on one big campus) and the tears just started. I had to pull over. I was so surprised…and sad.</p>
<p>I love this kid and I love who he is. I am so excited for his future and cannot wait to see who he becomes. </p>
<p>Yet sometimes I miss that little baby so much that my arms ache to hold him just once more and I miss that little boy so much that I can feel his knobby knees pressed into my side as I read him to sleep.</p>
<p>Oldest of two, son, is now a graduate student.
I cried in the car entire trip home after delivering him freshman year undergrad.
This, even with a DD still at home and a full time job to entertain me.</p>
<p>Little by little, he taught me how to be a mother of a college son.
Not always easy and still miss him since he is a great young man.</p>
<p>And then today, flowers arrived at my door…for Mother’s Day, you know?
First time THAT has happened. The note was the best part.
So, I feel he’s grown up just fine and I am happy that I may have had something to do with it!</p>
<p>My youngest leaves in the Fall, too and her brother is a college senior. I think this time it will be far harder on my H, who ferried her to soccer practices and tournaments over a multi-state region for years. I worry he won’t find something to do to fill that time.</p>