Empty Nesters aren't forever/Kids returning home

<p>I've seen some posts around CC about how kids are returning home after college/graduate school because of the economy.</p>

<p>While at a graduation party for my brother's friend's sister, my parents had the pleasure of meeting up with old friends of theirs. When I returned to the table with some more food, I caught their conversation talking about how their children were living at home now and whether they were enjoying it or not. They agreed that they loved having their children at home but after 4+ years of being on their own, it's an adjustment to see their stuff all over the house and higher grocery bills. I mentioned to someone off hand that it's hard to imagine how quickly things have changed since 2004 when I graduated from HS. Back then, it was completely expected by all that graduates get jobs after graduation. Now, it's expected that parents should expect their children to live at home after college/grad school.</p>

<p>How do you all feel about this sudden change in trends? That's part 1.</p>

<p>Part 2 is... I've broken off a lot of friendships from HS because I had totally moved on (especially after I transferred to Colgate) and developed my own interests. So now I'm back in town and basically have very few people to hang out with. And they work and already have their own lives. I also have limited mobility so it's hard for me to get around. I've been encouraged to think about moving out to a big city and live in a 2 bedroom apartment (it's really one bedroom but the 2nd bedroom is converted into a den) with them and take classes at the local university. I did that just-live-with-them deal for a month last month and part of last summer. It's nice but they completely drive me up to the wall at times so I'm not entirely convinced that life would get <em>that</em> much better if I took classes. It's also a matter of being around "my" stuff. So I'm not sure if I can do this for 3 to 7 months...</p>

<p>So question for Part 2 is... how did your kids <em>make</em> it when they're home in the suburbs and there's really no one around?</p>

<p>Boy, I hope that I'll get a job soon...</p>

<p>Living with your parents will be ok if you know it's temporary until you get a job, and if you make every effort to be considerate and cordial. This is a great time of life for you because you can consider taking a job anywhere. What type of job are you looking for?</p>

<p>My college graduate son is home now for the summer and it's been just fine. He'll be leaving in September, and knowing that has probably made it easier for him to be here.
He does spend a lot of time with his friends that are in the area- especially his girl friend, and he has friends from college who live fairly close by as well, so he doesn't have the same problem you have. I think he's enjoying his summer. He actually invited me to go see Toy Story with him and his girlfriend... I felt honored. ;)</p>

<p>If either of my kids needed a respite at home while transitioning into the next phase of their lives, I would be happy to help them out. That's what family is for. </p>

<p>I'm a bit confused by your second paragraph. Are you living with your folks now in the suburbs? Are they planning to move to the city and live in the apartment?</p>

<p>I haven't live with my parents for more than a summer since I was 16, but even growing up there were always a handful of kids who for one reason or another were home for longer. Very few of my friends ended up in the area where I grew up so there was very little temptation to stay. Even my parents didn't end up staying there!</p>

<p>I don't expect my oldest to ever be at home for any extended time again - in fact there's a decent chance he'll end up on the opposite coast unless he decides to look for cooler weather. But if either he or my younger son needed some time home while job hunting I would of course be happy to help out. I would expect that as adults they would do what adults do - help out around the house without being asked.</p>

<p>I hope you get a job soon too. Good luck!</p>

<p>I lived with my mother on and off for several years after finishing one year of college and getting my first professional job. I moved out for good around 25. One of my sisters moved back in after college too. We both had jobs and I think that my mother enjoyed having people around the house. Having additional people around the house probably discouraged those looking to rob houses in the area.</p>

<p>Some cultures encourage kids to stay at home until they get married. It has the benefits of allowing you to save up for your own home and furnishings.</p>

<p>"how did your kids <em>make</em> it when they're home in the suburbs and there's really no one around?"</p>

<p>Some families actually raise kids in the city. This was a non-issue for me when I returned home after law school because the family home is about 15 minutes by train from downtown jobs (and young people). If you are not this fortunate, yes, share an inexpensive apartment in a city with some other young people. Why limit yourself to living with your old friends if they drive you up the wall? There are many seeking-a-roommate web sites.</p>

<p>If being around "your" stuff is more important than the other issues you've raised, then you've answered your own question.</p>

<p>Some families actually raise kids in the city</p>


<p>My oldest has lived in the city where she attended college since before graduation- younger is moving into an apt for sophomore year, and I expect that after graduation if she doesn't live there, she will move to where ever she decides to work/attend school.</p>

<p>I mean really- how hard is that?

<p>They certainly are welcome here- if need be- but our house is so small, I expect theyve grown accustomed to having more space/freedom.</p>

<p>Well, when my S graduated in 2009 he came home and went back to his old lifeguarding job for the summer so he would have an income while he was looking for a job. He started a part-time job and an internship in August. The internship turned into a full time job in November. He lived at home to save money until March and moved out as of March 1. We loved having him home, but realized that he needed to move, for him. He is very lucky in that he is still close to many of his high school buddies and he maintained a pretty active social life while living at home. It also helped that we live in a NYC suburb, and he just got on the train whenever he wanted to see the friends who had already moved out. By the time he felt he could make the move, in March, he opted to go the Craigslist route for an apartment and roommates. It worked out well for him, as he did a 5 month sublet in a 4 br apartment. He will be moving in with a college friend in August. Personally, I loved having my middle kid home alone for those 9 months. We know he was itching to move on with his life, but it was really nice to get to know our adult son!</p>

<p>Oops! I forgot to mention that the big city part is moving with my GRANDPARENTS, not friends.</p>

<p>So I basically have a choice- be with my parents (and brother until mid-August) in the suburbs with a few friends around and little public transport access and watch my bank account grow, or be in a big city with my grandparents in their 2 BR apt with one or two friends and some family members (not totally reliable) where I can get around to wherever I want to go easily but watch my bank account disappear (it's expensive! And my grandparents aren't in the best financial situation so I <em>should</em> help out with food). And they're on the opposite coast.</p>

<p>It's really just too bad that my mother's company won't let her rent an apartment in a city where her client base is (she travels 3-4 days a week to that city that's 6 hour drive away) and I wouldn't have an issue!</p>

<p>What a bitter pill to swallow given that neither side has strong pro or con. I know my mother likes it when I have dinner ready for her when she returns from her business trips but really? :/ It's just so hard as I haven't been <em>home</em> since I graduated from high school as I was always away every summer... so that's 6 years.</p>

<p>To clarify on #2, I just feel a little trapped socially since so much of where our suburb's young people hang out is a good 20 minutes drive and I can't trust the weather to cooperate if I was to attempt to ride my bike.</p>

<p>I wish I could see these arrangement as temporary but with people saying that it'll take 6 months to a year to find a job, I just feel crushed.</p>

<p>I know I must be getting old. My youngest who is still in HS has been gone much of the last 3 weeks. We have an empty nest and it is very quiet in our house. Our neighborhood has also gotten quiet as many of the kids have moved on. I was commenting to my neighbor who has recently opened her home to her 30 yr old D and her H and young child how wonderful it is to hear the sounds of a young child in the neighborhood again.
My neighbor has a large home with guest quarters so can easily accommodate her D and family. Plus they are greek and they think it is normal to be helping their D out to save for her own home. Their house is across the street but the way the noise travels it goes directly from their pool area to my deck. It brings back memories to hear this 18 month old little boy playing in the pool with his parents. I am brought back to the days when my own son could go and go and never seem to get tired.</p>

<p>How is it that your bank account will grow if you live in the burbs with your mom and brother? I understand that you won't have to spend as much, but how will it "grow."</p>

<p>If it truly will grow, then that seems like a good option. Otherwise, it seems like living in the city would provide more job hunting opportunities. Is that so? You don't say what type of work you're looking for.</p>

<p>I'd choose the option that gives you the highest chance of finding employment.</p>