A friend passed away recently and once again I am pondering what I want to achieve during my life on Earth. Like probably all of us here, for the last few decades my major goal has been to raise my kids to be healthy, compassionate, productive adults. I have had career goals through the years. But when I ponder personal goals - as contrasted with bucket list items - I’m rather at a loss.
Please share your personal goals, whether large or small.
A lot of it depends on the empty nester’s financial situation. I’ve had friends who doubled down on working, trying to save up as much money as possible now that they were devoting less time to kids.
With me, it was the opposite: my husband and I downsized, moving from a 5-bedroom house to a small 3 bedroom “cottage.” The financial windfall allowed me to quit my corporate job to reinvent myself. (I vowed I will never work again in any company that has a cubicle farm!) A huge goal is no more 50-hour weeks and commuting down a slowly-moving, packed freeway. In other words, a less stressful job closer to home was my first empty nester goal.
My other goal – to do/learn something new every year. “Doing 14ers” (reaching the summit of mountains taller than 14,000 feet in elevation,) snowshoeing; regularly attending movie theater broadcasts from Metropolitan Opera; reading in French at least a little bit, every day; reading at least 1 nonfiction book per month – all these are among my new/firsts that I do every year. It’s enriched my life, and every year it’s fun to figure out my next new/first.
Finally, to truly reconnect with the husband. Fact is, children are a time suck. Now that they’re on their own, it’s time to fully rediscover the things that made you fall in love with this person in the first place. That, too, has been very enriching for us both.
I would like to lose 40 lbs, and run a marathon. When my last one goes to college next year I’m hoping to spend more time taking care of myself. I’ve done a few half-marathons, but I won’t stress my body with a full until I shave off some body fat and gain some lean muscle mass (trying to cross-train).
My oldest moved out last month (at 21) and it has really slammed me hard. I’ve been asking your question too.
Another dream is to go and live in France for 3 months and attend a French language school. I took French for all of high school, and then a couple semesters in college and love it.
If I really wanted to get crazy I’d write a historical fiction story about one of the lesser known women of medieval European history.
I would love to add one more poodle baby to our family. My girl is 4, and I want to make the decision soon.
I’d love a condo on the beach, which is not too unrealistic because I live pretty close to the beach now.
I’d love to have all my papers, pictures, and affairs in order (down to funeral plans if need be) so that my sons never have to cope with the stress that my husband is dealing with when it comes to his mom.
That’s my goal list so far (though a couple of those I would call dreams more than goals).
We plan to work for at least 3 more years and likely more than that. We talk of someday returning to live in the midwest in a much smaller place. I especially want the ability to walk to stores, restaurants and public transportation.
Personal goals include continuing with yoga and walking, traveling and taking advantage of every opportunity we can to visit friends and family.
Some of our goals are vague as we do not know where D and SIL will end up living or what S will do.
Since I’ve had time to adjust to my oldest son’s diagnosis of schizophrenia, I’ve become involved with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). Then after my nephew completed suicide in August, I’ve realized I have to get out there and educate people as much as I can about mental illness. So that’s one of my main goals for now - public education and political advocacy. For example, in Great Britain, any time a person is diagnosed with ANY kind of disability, a government employee comes out to their house and asks the caregiver what help THEY need! The US needs a system like that so badly. I’m also a big fan of the PIER program (Portland Intervention and Early Referral) that identifies young people in the very early stages of psychosis. I want those folks to talk to as many high schools in our area as possible. The program lost its funding when it would have helped my son, but at least I can tell other people about it. 
My immediate goal was to attempt to sell my business and retire this year, but my business partner convinced me to cut back by 25% for at least a year to see if the retired life agrees with me. Rather than just cut back on hours I want to take four solid months off and test the waters elsewhere. So this week I take off for Paris for a month. I don’t really think that full time in France will work, since H is “language resistant”.( He has really made the attempt, studied at Alliance Française but to no avail and I get exhausted translating the world for him)
We too would love to live in an urban environment that has a slower more human pace of life. Not sure where that will be since we have no idea where D and her fiancé will end up.
So our goals seem to morph as we attempt to face reality and reality seems to change every month.
- Like Fallgirl, our 3 year plan (I hope) is to move to a smaller town. I will then purchase an adorable bike and either walk or ride my bike (outfitted with a sweet basket) to the local grocery store, library, coffee shop, restaurants and farmer's market!
- Continue to make diet/exercise/wellness a priority.
- Become more involved with a local organization that promotes community gardening, cooking, education, etc.
- Work with H to reno our family cottage so that our kids don't become armed with a dilapidated structure as we have from H's parents!!!
I need to also make that “reconnect with H” a priority. We have been excellent parents but not always excellent partners. It takes time to make that work again!
I’m quite happy to spend productive time by myself. Don’t need lots of social outings. My nest has been empty since August this year and every night there is not enough time to do all the things I need/want to! It’s key to make your spare time more than laundry/cooking/dishes!!!
We never thought we’d move from our home in New England. But now we too have a 3 year plan to move farther south where the weather is still 4 seasons, but much more forgiving in the winters. We actually may not downsize because H & I both have home offices and we also want room for the boys and their future wives and kids to come & visit. But the homes are more affordable there so we will have a much smaller mortgage for the same size home. We are excited but nervous about moving to a brand new community in a different part of the country, but more excited than nervous.
H recently changed careers after thirty years and is now doing something totally different that is giving him a new sense of accomplishment. I bought a business two years ago that I operate from home that is totally transferable to a new location, which is what made me buy it to begin with. It is not yet full time, although I’m working on getting new customers all the time. It will free up some time to also do more what abasket described^^.
Definitely travel more. I’ve become more interested in the last few years of growing my own vegetables in containers…would like to continue and expand that. Taking classes also sounds very appealing. Walking more and riding my bike more, definitely.
We are the “anchors” of a ministry that grows food in a 2,000 sq ft garden, and gives it away. We’d like to spread that around to other groups before we die, and see it become a normal part of our community. Nobody should be hungry…I’d like to quit my job sooner rather than later and get that focused. I’d like to accumulate enough to set my medically fragile child up with funding so he’s never at the mercy of insurance companies. We need a new roof, so we’re saving for that, too. At some point, our parents will need our help; we are both the designated responsible child and we can see that rolling up on our horizon…
I’d like to have a dinner party. Even better, I’d like to have enough friends to invite to one! DH would like to be a math or science tutor someday, or simply paint plein air (is that right?) in his free time. We don’t really have goals, or a plan, but realized we couldn’t just sit around and stare at each other and read. Oh! I am a really, really, good cook. We plan to become true vegetarians at some point, but right now I’m still expanding our repertoire. Now that we have a little bit of spending money, I’ve acquired art and pottery and kitchen gadgets – does that count as a plan?
“We are the “anchors” of a ministry that grows food in a 2,000 sq ft garden, and gives it away. We’d like to spread that around to other groups before we die, and see it become a normal part of our community.”
what a lovely undertaking, @greenbutton ! If there was something like that in my community, I would be totally onboard. (Maybe there is one… I should look into it.)
I started playing golf a lot more, which I really enjoy. We also live near water and have a boat and I enjoy everything around boating.
We’re pursuing a dream of living on the water, the world’s longest real estate deal. I will be decorating and getting it as we like.
I had surgery and was on meds and overall inactivity which made me heavier than I’m comfortable, so I bought a fitbit and I started walking every day. We’re now exploring local parks and hiking trails.
I started learning Spanish.
We’re starting to spend our Marriott points and the goal is a new country every year. We tend to go to the Caribbean or Florida beaches so now we’re adding more adventurous travel. We’re going to London soon.
We’ve been working for years to have competent people we trust at work. I can pretty much just oversee now instead of do.
I am engaged in two issues near and dear to my heart. The first is encouraging and supporting a school and particular family in a rural part of the country. I also support our local food bank. I have a particular one I support. In my humble opinion it is difficult enough to go to a food bank, many have requirements of proving income. If someone for any reason feels they need help, give it. No one needs the added anxiety of jumping through hoops for a bag of groceries.
The less I work, the more I find to do.
just took a better job to pay the kids’ tuition 
Oh my,oh my, it is that time of life when these thoughts start to creep in or maybe even dominate. Not really sure how personal goals and bucket lists are all that much different at a certain stage of life.
My personal goal is to live as long as I can in a happy and fruitful life.
To accomplish this I have to try and live a healthy life. ( personal goal?) But I am sorry, even after today’s news, I am still going to eat some bacon on the weekends. I am also going to try and do things I have always wanted to do (bucket list?)
Until I retire, to go someplace warm and sunny for awhile in the winter. In the summer to travel to places I have always wanted to go. At home, work as much and in ways that I can to help others, includiding working local soup kitchens, Soup-to- Go at my church, donating, etc.
When I retire in a few years, who knows!! Move? Start a small seasonal items business called “Magpies,” that I have always dreamed of. Become a groupie for the musical group my H wants to start as his personal goal?. I call them “old man bands.”
to regroup after retirement, travel with a teardrop, stay healthy and up the Mediteranian diet, increase the exercise to twice a day, listen to more music and continue to listen to NPR, and be more attentive to mother 93 and FIL 95 (that part I am not excited about), and more involvement in Habitat.
Starting today, I’m working full-time at one job (versus part-time at the job and enough hours freelance to be over 40 per week) for the first time since D2 was born. She’s now 22. I prefer time to money but my department is short-staffed and I was invited to work more hours. It’s going to be an adjustment. I wanted to reconnect with my husband but he chose to become his parents’ full-time caregiver in their home, 150 miles away, the day after D2 started college. So the goal of adjusting to life as a single person has been thrust on me. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life but I’m accepting that is my likely fate.
((hug)) to rosered – don’t forget to do nice things for yourself, too
@katliamom – maybe if there isn’t a garden in your community, you could be the one to start one…
^^Great ideas and inspiration above. Don’t let any one job or person be your dead end!!!
"o regroup after retirement, travel with a teardrop, "
What does travel with a teardrop mean?
Teardrop RV (very small) or tent?