DS3 seems to be taking a “close enough for government work” approach to homework. This is new to us as S1 and S2 just caught on to the expectations for high school without much parental nudging. S3 is a fairly good test taker but the expectations regarding home work in high school are much more specific and rigorous than middle school. The 50, 60, 70% homework, notebook check etc grades are weighing down his overall grades for all classes. I’ve tried explaining the importance of grades as he wants to go to a good college like his oldest brother. I’m checking closer day to day what’s completed and reviewing stuff more. And I’m keeping it as positive as possible. But I figure I’d come ask some of the experts here what methods they used to get their young student to pay more attention to detail and complete all home work completely and well. Your experiences of what’s worked and what not so much are appreciated!
“I already did ninth grade - this is YOUR job.” 
Easier said than done, but it’s an important lesson.
The better you do, the more choices you will have.
I don’t think a lot of “college” pressure should be put on a 9th grader, but good habits are really important.
If he has ‘friends’ that tend to be the “smart” kids, maybe understanding that he may not get to take the same classes as them next year if he doesn’t put in a good effort this year (if honors or AP classes need teacher rec, for example). I know my kids didn’t want to end up in the ‘regular’ classes, because that’s not where their friends were…
I’m having this same problem with my 9th grader. I have explained that since he wants to go to Georgia Tech he can not get any B’s. He is a smart kid but somehow thinks that it’s not a problem to not turn things in on time. He is on the edge in 2 classes with a 90. I have tried explaining that you need a cushion for finals but it is falling on deaf ears. I am coming to the conclusion that it’s going to be what it’s going to be. There really is nothing that we as parents can do if they want to coast. However if you do figure something out please let me know.
@MichiganGeorgia Well I think he wants and expects to be a superstar like his older brothers. But he wants to play video games and stroll around reddit too. I imagine from where he sits it may have looked like it (the great results) all just sort of happened for the older brothers. When I first started pointing things out he was defensive. But I think he sees I’m on his side when trying to do a little failure analysis (I don’t call it that with him!). So far I see a) he’s not realistic about how long certain assignments will take. b) Based on a, he leaves everything until late Sunday night and there’s a mad rush to complete too much. c) He often speed-reads the instructions and completes the assignment in a format other than that specified. d) He forgets to turn something in entirely (rare). As an engineer myself, I try to take emotions and blame out of the picture, assess the situation and come up with some actionable things he can do to improve. Will we succeed??
A formal college visit for D1 in 10th grade to a school that is fine, but not great, helped get her going. It helped make it more real. But the son of some friends who loved Michigan his whole life (in state, legacy) kinda farted around in HS in spite of his parents’ warnings. To his dismay, he didn’t get in and ended up at MSU. But I guess the silver lining is that your kid likely will go to college, even if it isn’t the one you envision for him today.
I think you’re going to have to let him suffer the consequences. Hopefully when he sees his first semester grades, he’ll realize he needs to step up his efforts. I would lay off pointing out things. Back off a little.This sounds like a learning experience unfolding.
My daughter’s high school has that online system for parents to check grades. One thing I finally did was to set the email alerts of zeroes and late homework assignments to her email address. She hated receiving them so she started handing them in and on time.
Is there a little inattentive-ADD stuff going on here? That may be worth thinking about. Maybe he needs help mastering the organizational skills that he needs to have in order to stay on top of his schoolwork.
My 2 older kids have ADD. I’m pretty sure my youngest doesn’t. He just wants to coast and spend his time talking to girls… IMO OP’s son doesn’t sound like ADD although mastering organizational skills can help anyone.
After 3 years of dealing with this kind of stuff in middle school, when S got his first 6 week progress report in 9th grade and it was littlered with 70’s, we pulled him from his public school and put him in private school, where he would not be able to get away with that when there is only 10 kids in a class and where they gave detention if you didn’t turn in your homework. He turned around completely in about a week, had a great four years, got into every college he applied to (attended a top 20 LAC,) graduated in 4 years and got a great job.
We am 1000% sure he would not be where he is today if we hadn’t switched schools.
Switching to the private school also let us step back and stop micromanaging which we had to do all through middle school to keep his grades halfway decent. We had tried everything, both carrots and sticks, including bribing him, and nothing worked. We couldn’t keep doing that for four more years without damaging our relationship.
How much time does he spend on video gaming/social media/smart phone?
A “no electronics until homework is done” rule might work.
I sent a PM to the OP with details about our struggles with the same situation, Sometimes when you let your child swim or sink they don’t learn to swim. In hindsight, we should have moved our child to a private school like @emilybee. Don’t let the indifference towards school work go on too long.
@mamaedefamilia, I like the idea of that rule but it’s not that easy. How do you know when they have finished their schoolwork? It’s not like elementary school where you can check worksheets. And while they are using the computer to write a paper or do an online quiz they can also easily check their instagram or twitter feed.
If suffering consequences is going to work it should work fairly quickly; otherwise getting B’s and C’s because of unfinished work can become the “new normal” that can be rationalized away by the student, especially if they nonetheless seem to be learning the material well. At least that was our experience.
I think our kids were motivated to get B’s or above in high school so they could remain in the honors classes with their friends and access interesting work.
None of this would matter in a system in which homework is intended to provide opportunities for feedback and optional practice and with other measures of mastery at the end, but this is not the case in high schools or most college courses in this country.
My son had already been put in regular regents classes and not honors because his middle school teachers couldn’t recommended him for the honors track, even though we were told by several of his teachers that he was the smartest kid in their class.
If C’s were all my S had been capable of, we would have been fine with that - but we knew that wasn’t the case. When his middle school progress reports would come home with lousy grades, he would buckle down for a few weeks and do great, but it would only bring his grades up to around 88. Rinse and repeat for 3 years.
At his middle school graduation when all the kids who got honors were announced he even said to us that he was smarter then most of them. He looked very sad that day.
We had many, many conversations with S before he started high school about how now he was starting with a blank slate but his grades would now matter and the importance of him doing as well as possible so he would have choices in the future. So when that first progress report came home and it was the same old, same old, that was it as far as H and I were concerned. We weren’t going to wait any longer for the lightbulb to go on.
I have many friends who say they waited too long to make a switch. We even wish we had put him in his private school in 6th grade.
At his private school there was actually less homework and much more got done in class because of the small size. He was put in regular classes when he first started but by Sophomore year was in all honors. We still don’t think he worked as hard as he possibly could if he had wanted, but he worked hard enough to have many options going forward.
"Your experiences of what’s worked and what not so much are appreciated! "
-Well, unfortunately, my experience will not help you. I believe that this had to be addresses way back when a kid received her very first homework, I mean, the first in her life homework should be used to create a good habit of always completing the homework, doing it very well and on time. I did it when my D. got her first 5 min. homework in kindergarten. Kids do not understand the priorities, you have to explain it to them, but they will not listen to you if they have done it differently for years. When I asked my 5 y o what was the important activity in her life, she did not know that it was school, she thought that it was her sport practice. I had to tell her that the school was the most important and she cannot go to practice until the homework is done and done very well. I never had to repeat that. However, I bet if I told her that when she was 10, she would just roll her eyes, it would be too late. No, did not have many conversations at all, the one was enough to start a very good habit that served her very well.
Frankly, I do not know how to change any habit of the high school kid. They are so much into their own world and sometime friends have more influence on them than parents. But you cannot control who they are with either, aside from sending them to a certain HS of your preference.
I recently had to revoke computer privileges for my 8th grade son due to poor grades and missing assignments. It has really helped him motivationally.
@emilybee - it is good that you made the switch.
It is a tough dynamic to manage. On the flip side, I always felt that if my kids were getting straight A’s, they were not be challenged enough. It is finding the sweet spot that is difficult.
@frazzled2thecore, when we made the switch we didn’t know if it would work or not, but we knew nothing was going to change if we kept him at his public school (which is the top district in my area sending many kids to very selective colleges.) We felt we had to try switching schools. Fortunately, it worked out for him,
And we had moved to our town specifically for the schools.
I agree with @MiamiDAP. It may not help the OP now, but if a family can establish the principle that homework is a top priority from the very beginning, there are likely to be fewer problems later.
My kids played soccer in a league that had evening practices (they had fields with lights). They knew from the very beginning that if they had a soccer practice one evening, they couldn’t go out to play with their friends in the afternoon because that time was reserved for homework.
The principle continued all through school. We went out of our way to ensure that there was always time for homework, every day.
So when our son, at the beginning of his senior year in high school, was invited to continue working at the retail store where he had worked over the summer, we said that he could only work on Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays. The store required a minimum shift of 6 hours, and there would not be time for homework on the other days if he worked a 6-hour shift after school. He accepted this without much fuss (and as it happened, his boss was fine with it).
There are probably other things where your family has established a basic principle from the very beginning. It might be wearing seat belts and bike helmets, saying please and thank you, eating vegetables, going to religious services, limiting screen time, or whatever else is a top priority for your family. If you can treat homework the same way, you will make your family’s life easier in the long term.