My two cents is you don’t really need to worry about school setting, coming out of any good engineering program there will be plenty of opportunities for internships during breaks. And during the term, experiences are dominated by the school’s resources, labs, student clubs, and so on.
Speaking of which, there is a lot to be said for simply choosing a traditional engineering powerhouse–a lot of which are in college towns and such, and it hasn’t kept them from placing kids in engineering internships and jobs in many different industries in many different markets. Again, that is basically because they have lots of resources dedicated to engineering and employers trust they can get top engineers out of these schools.
In terms of relationships, I think many kids find that as their specific interests develop and they get into the electives phase, it is not hard to get to know some professors, and like-minded fellow students. I do think smaller schools can maybe offer that dynamic sooner, but it isn’t going to be entirely absent at larger schools, it just may take some time.
That said, people who start in engineering do sometimes change their mind and end up doing something else, so I think it isn’t a bad idea to make sure you would still be happy with your college choice in such a scenario. Fortunately, colleges like the ones you named–Pitt, Delaware, and Penn State–are still going to be good for a wide variety of other academic paths as well. Since you are from NY, if it were me I would add at least Buffalo to that list.
But if your kid had a strong preference for a smaller school generally, then that could be a reason to choose a smaller school with engineering.
One possibility for splitting the difference is to choose a smaller tech-focused college. I am not sure what you are thinking in terms of finances, but RPI and RIT, say, can hit the sweet spot for some kids. Clarkson is an even smaller college along those lines. Rochester and Case Western are not quite that tech-focused, but have robust engineering programs combined with a lot of other good departments.
Finally, have you looked at Cooper Union? Pretty unique school in some ways, but I know some kids fitting that description who have targeted it.