I am person that has disability learning, speaking, physical, and vision.
I am a very slow learner I had been in special education since I was in elementary. Now I’m at the university proving my family and people who put me down in schools they have been wrong. I am still currently a freshman in CSULA but I’m at the verge to giving up and go to a training school. I always a had a problem of writing, I’ve been imitated by the problem since high school. I can’t write an essay on my own every time I write I can’t make it readable. Also I am a procrastination and I want to stop. Teacher’s had always told me even my older sister has told me and taught me an essay is the same way through out college. I don’t understand how the essay stays the same since the prompt is different. I understand some of the structures such as MLA. The only reason I got to college is through people helping to edit my essay. All I ever do is write out what I think because when I stop and read back I just don’t understand at all and I give my head a headache and I just make myself depressed even much more. Once I finish writing out what I think going with the flow and turning it in Professors nor most of anyone can’t read what I wrote. Due to this self conscious problem or bad habit of getting it edit I want to quit on the path I reached what I expected my dream to be but it is slowly fading away. I had experience of being in the classes that I needed for my major and graduate to see if I can add just by hearing what the class all it needs I knew I won’t be able to handle it all. Timed essays, Testing Essays, any Essay you can think of I can’t write it I’m just to afraid to write especially alone. My sister and a few others those who edit them just loose the patience on showing how I can do them because it won’t stay in my brain and just my fears kick in. I understand why they get frustrated with myself because I do also and i just get all depressed and lead to suicide thoughts. I also have tried plenty of times committing suicide and yet I’m still here. The bad thing about myself is I learn through specific people I didn’t ask to learn like this but that is how my mind works I only learn through certain people that I can understand if I don’t understand your teaching style I just wanna give up and not go though the struggle just being lost. I wish I can at least learn like most people around me in college especially the once advancing up.
Any advice on what should I do or get help from, or should I just give up?