<p>My main complaints about my essay are it doesn’t demonstrate how well I can write, parts are very cliched, and I think I don’t really develop a voice. Regardless, I wrote it in less than an hour as an incredibly rough first draft and its the first essay I’ve written in finished so it could be something to work off of. Would anyone be willing to read it and give some feedback?</p>
<p>Perhaps it would be advisable to do some of your own editing, to smooth the rough edges, to clarify that voice, to change some of those cliches to something more personal, before inviting others to comment.</p>