ESSAY Correction Help

<p>Can somone correct my essay and I also have trouble concluding it? </p>

<p>Rationale: This question seeks to give students the opportunity to share important aspects of their schooling or their lives — such as their personal circumstances, family experiences and opportunities that were or were not available at their school or college — that may not have been sufficiently addressed elsewhere in the application.</p>

<p>• Is there anything you would like us to know about you or your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in this application? 600 words</p>

<p>I was three years old when a strong storm ripped through Oakland, California. It was the strongest storm I had seen: it had jagged bolts of lightning, huge amounts of hail, and powerful wind that was so strong that it tore a big hole in our car. Once the storm receded, I was disappointed because the energy of the storm was gone. Ever since then, I have been amazed at the fury of Mother Nature. This was the beginning of my intense passion. </p>

<p>I was four when my parents and I went to Colorado to visit my uncle and my aunt along with her five children. My uncle asked us if we want a tour and we gladly accepted his offer. My uncle drove around Denver metropolitan Area; I was obviously looking up to see those white puffy cotton clouds. Later on, something looked suspicious in the skies as it was first perfectly sunny day and I told my uncle that something weird is happening he told me a storm was coming. Our uncle was happy that I observed that change and he decided that he was going to drive me and my dad back to his house. I continued to watch the skies got even dark, like the color of gray charcoal. The thunder and lightning started to be heard and my uncle said “uh-oh”. While my uncle was driving, he turned on the radio and he and my dad heard that there was a Tornado Warning issued. We were lucky because once we entered the house we heard a loud rumble of thunder and the rain came real hard. My uncle wanted everyone in the house to hide in the attic because he told us that there is a tornado warning. We went in there including the four children but then we were missing one child. The child was crying and my uncle told me to go and get the child. Once the child heard a shattering of the glass the baby began to cry. I was scared because I could lose my life during this process but I didn’t let that stop me from saving the child. So I went there grab the child into the attic and waited until the tornado passed us. In just a few minutes the shattering of the glass stopped and the large hail started to fall it hit our house like bullets and hit the place where the child was before I picked her up. Once the storm was over then my uncles and aunt praised me for the work I had and gave me a warm thank you, and I told them you’re welcome. Since that incident I wanted to broaden my interest in becoming a meteorologist. </p>

<pre><code>There main reason why I wanted to become a meteorologist is because of Hurricane Katrina. This was my ultimate test of how much I know about weather. Katrina started out with a tropical depression and moved into tropical storm then hurricane and eventually into major hurricane. I said it was going to hit the northern edge of Louisiana and I knew this was going to be a catastrophic hurricane but when the hurricane hit I was little bit off because it hit the eastern edge of Louisiana and Mississippi but I was right that it was a major hurricane. This test clearly indicated that meteorology was a true passion for me.
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