essay for common app help, will pay for services

<p>This is for the significant person prompt on the commonapp. Any advice is greatly appreciated.</p>

<p>For as long as I can remember I’ve had a small mole in the bottom right portion of my forehead. I don’t know when I got it, just that I got it. When I was young I even named it. Little D as he was called experienced together with me some of my childhood’s best moments, my first girlfriend, my first visit to Charger stadium, you get the point. Instead of an imaginary friend, I had Little D. Up until 4th grade I loved him, he was my ever-present friend. He was there for me through thick and thin. Then around 4th grade something changed, I don’t exactly know why, but I started to despise Little D. He went from my ever-present friend to my ever-present enemy. I grew out my hair so Little D was hidden from view; I even denied his very existence. He had become my Watergate, he was there even though I refused to believe he was. Suddenly, I had become very self-conscious of him. Unfortunately I let him affect my life a little too much. I would wonder if the snickers I heard in class were directed towards me. I spent my free time scheming of ways to get rid of him, burn him, cut him off. Fortunately for my 9 year old self, none of my ideas came to fruition. He became the scapegoat for everything bad that happened to me. If a girl wouldn’t talk to me, it was because of Little D. If I got a bad grade on a test, it was because Little D had distracted me from studying. I let him take over my life, Little D had become the bane of my existence. This pattern of mole bigotry continued through high school. Though, in high school people were mostly very tolerant of Little D, but a part of me was still very much self-conscious of him. Then, I decided to get rid of him. Maybe my life would be that much better without Little D along for the ride. I made an appointment with the dermatologist where I was hoping for an exorcism of sorts, one with a scalpel and surgeon instead of a priest and his cross. The end result being that my mole was surgically removed from forehead, and gone forever.
I don’t know really know what I was expecting when I got my mole removed. One half of me thought my life would completely change the other half was a little more skeptical. When I got to school the next day nobody even noticed Little D’s absence. Life resumed as normal. Even when I cut my hair, and I had a scar where Little D once lived, I barely got a few questions about what had happened.
Although he may have just been a benign mole Little D altered my life considerably. I spent part of my childhood worrying about what people thought of him. Even if it was only a minute, I shouldn’t have taken time out of my life to worry about something that at the time I couldn’t change. It makes me wonder what if. What if I got my mole removed in elementary school, would my life have been better, would people have even cared? I think I placed such an importance on it that I soon forgot why it was so important in the first place. After I got him removed, nothing changed. I didn’t become the most popular kid in school; I wasn’t the star of the high school basketball team. It almost sounds paradoxical to say that someone or something that had a significant experience while he was there, but didn’t change anything when he was gone. Yet it’s true, my life remained the same before and after his removal. He was just significant to me, but not to anybody else. I’m starting to think that if my mole never existed in the first place that something else would have taken its place as a scapegoat for my childhood’s woes. Little D may not have technically been a person, but in terms of how he affected my life, he may as well have been.</p>

<p>umm…not a very good essay, to be honest. I would never send this to a college.</p>

<p>anything specific? was it too cheesy? What made it bad?</p>

<p>I don’t know if this is serious or not. If it is… you need a new topic.</p>

<p>Yeah, i mean, the topic isn’t good. It needs to be about someone you respected, and has nothing to do with you…
Also, there were a ton of grammatical errors and completely predictable syntax. The whole thing was very awkward sounding: you would have some good diction, but it sounded like you just used a thesaurus and picked a word a random that popped up on dictionary.com. Needs to be a better topic and a lot smoother flowing-wise.
Maybe ask an English teacher at your school? Or your guidance couselor could help you.</p>