<p>Prompt: How I overcame an obstacle.</p>
<p>(This essay is 386 words)
I’m a freshman by the way , but I want to write this while I still have the satisfying feeling of finally being able to afford glasses.</p>
<p>The world was an aesthetically appealing place after the month of May of my Freshman year. I acquired a whole new perspective of a world that I never would have thought existed if it weren’t for my brand new glasses. The green scribbles of my grandmother’s garden that I passed every morning when exiting my house suddenly morphed into gorgeous bushes with roses that smelled like fresh dew. My gray cat who rubbed his furry body pleading for food in the mornings no longer looked like a variation of gray and white figures , but a fierce creature with eyes that beamed and twinkled; his soft paws reminded me of the Furtwangler Glacier in Tanzania, so white and crisp. I could see the calcite and dolomite in the marble stairs I happily galloped down on spring mornings. The plain white gate suddenly reminded me of the Roman Renaissance with it’s elegance and intricate designs. The pavement in the street was no longer a solid gray, but composed of an abundance of colorful sediments. The people I passed weren’t just faces of the past, but I learned to embrace their bold features; beaming and innocuous eyes, plump pink lips, high arched eyebrows, beauty marks which complimented their faces, everything was breath taking. I was awestruck my nature’s beauty and how being able to finally afford glasses had changed my view on life. The gray clouds in my life had dispersed into the atmosphere allowing the sun 93 million miles away to beam into my life. I saw the few B’s I earned in classes progressively morph into A’s. I felt like I have been given a dosage of superman juice. I felt that I could conquer the world if I wanted to. The tormenting headaches I often got by the end of math immediately diminished and those 3’s that looked like 8’s finally looked like 3’s! My inquisitiveness throughout math class often annoyed my teacher and fellow classmates as I constantly requested repeats. With straight A’s on my transcript and a new outlook of the world, it made me confident and often made me smirk. Everyone has their own unique object that defines who they are. Mine just happens to be a pair of prescribed glasses.</p>
<p>Personally, I think it jumps around too much and doesn’t really follow a progression. It looks like the reason it jumps around so much is because you didn’t really overcome an obstacle, it was practically given to you from your doctor. “Overcoming and obstacle” for college essays is getting good grades despite being dirt poor and having one parent with multiple siblings. So maybe if you had to pay for the glasses yourself by getting a job it would apply to the prompt.</p>
<p>You’re still a while away, so it’s ok :)</p>
<p>Good for a freshman. Watch the excess description. Not knowing why you didn’t own a pair of glasses was distracting, tie in an explanation within the essay.</p>
<p>Haha this reminds me of when I got contacts after freshman year! I could finally read teachers’ powerpoints and distinguish individual leaves: D (I’ve never worn glasses).</p>
<p>4 things:
-“I felt like I have been given a dosage of superman juice. I felt that I could conquer the world if I wanted to”</p>
<p>You repeat the beginning of the sentence here but use two different tenses. Did you mean that you felt like you ‘had been given’, or are you purposely speaking in the present here? </p>
<p>-I think it would sound slightly better if you didn’t use the word “morph” twice. In such a small essay, there’s no need to repeat certain words, when others like transform, shift, etc. can work.</p>
<p>-You mentioned grades twice when pointing out your As, but admssions are going to be well aware of your grades from other parts of the application. There will be thousands of others who have just as good or better, so it will have less impact than it does on your peers or even on you.</p>
<p>-The ending seems slightly abrupt, but further than that, I’m questioning the event altogether. You sum the impact up by saying that you were confident and often smirked. In a field of 20,000+ people, will that change help you stand out more than 85-95% of applicants?</p>
<p>Don’t worry! You still have a few years left and many people’s essay topics don’t happen until their soph/junior years : ).</p>
<p>On a more positive note, I think the essay brings out your personality in a good light. The reader gets to know you a little, and you come off as a positive, likeable, modest, and creative person with a sense of humor. </p>
<p>I agree with some of the points above, and that there is room for improvement. But in the end, admissions people care less about the subject matter, more about your personality. They want to see if they like you, if you would be a good addition to the college. In those respects, I think your essay has merit.</p>
<p>I seriously recommend you take this down - posting essays on CC is a terrible idea, the chances for plagiarism are too high</p>