Essay: good? bad? too personal?

<p>please help me with this essay. does it suk? is it ok? </p>

<p>what do you think of it? except for the minor errors, like bad vocaulary usage...i have a lot of that, or tense....</p>

<p>PROMT: Robert frost said, “You are educated when you have the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or self-confidence.” Please tell us about an experience-either yours or someone else’s-that either supports or contradicts Frost’s statement. </p>

<p>As the television blared in the background, livid voices could be heard screaming at each other across the living room. “You should have studied harder, because after seeing this score, I can see that you certainly did not study at all for this test!” My parents, who usually were supportive every time I hadn’t achieved my goal, decided to chastise me for not getting a good enough score on my test. Being reproved many times before, I expected much of the same lectures that I usually got. Unfortunately, my assumption was very incorrect, and my parents did the antithesis of my expectations.<br>
Instead of receiving an unpleasant lecture about how I needed to do better next time and study, my parents shouted about how I will not be able to do well in life because of this one test score. The truth was that I actually had studied for the test, but somehow, during the middle of the test my brain seemed to go into a relapse, and shut itself down. As I tried to explain myself and elude any punishment, my parent’s anger wasn’t mitigating anytime soon. No matter what words came out of my mouth, the situation could not be ameliorated.<br>
Suddenly, and out of the blue, my anger arose from the depths of my body and took over me. I began to should at the top of my lungs about how I was trying my best, and that not all people are geniuses that are able to ace every test there created on the face of this earth. Vociferously, I started a tirade about how they needed to support me through everything, and not be condescending, when I broke down and burst into tears. I felt as if the entire world was banging on my head, and that I was a failure in life. I lost all my self-confidence-that that taken me my entire life to create-in less than five minutes.<br>
Watching me cry uncontrollably, my parents softened quite a bit, and we had a discussion regarding the incident that just occurred. We talked about diverse subjects, ranging from my life to their lives, and in the end, we felt as if we had learned much about each other.<br>
By losing my temper and self-confidence, the discussion occurred, and I learned control my thinking, and try to witness situations not only in my way of thinking, but other peoples also. I became educated in the art of speaking, which has and will continue to help me throughout my life. Yet, to become educated, I had to go through so much. In other words, to become educated, I had to lose my temper and self confidence, and without doing that, I would not have become educated, and be able to listen to almost anything without losing my temper and self confidence.</p>

<p>Not bad. Lots of tense/wording issues. Also, it is very clear that you threw in some S.A.T. words for the effect, which I doubt will sit well with adcoms. But once you fix all the errors I think it might work. (By the way, take out the part about speaking)</p>

<p>I would really not use this.... you say that you 1) did poorly on a test 2) seem to have a short temper 3) are insecure 4) think you'll never be successful... it's just REALLY negative. The language is awkward, it sounds really forced, and like Tenacious J said as if you threw in some SAT words just for effect. Assuming it's not due today, I'd start over. This really just doesn't portray you in a positive light.</p>

<p>ok..my essay isn't very good. time to write another one! thank you for your comments! they helped me a lot!!!!!!
i really appreciate it. :-)</p>

<p>how is this too personal, its not too personal at all.</p>

<p>well my sister said it was kinda to personal......that is why i put that. lol</p>