Essay Grading

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

Can somebody please critique/ grade my essay?

Prompt: Upon considering all the evidence - the effect of parents and siblings, the influence of society, the weight of religion, the impact off school and trade - it is clear that we humans are indeed created as blank slates. Born innocent and free from any predetermined personality characteristics, we develop and nurture our personalities through our interactions with the world around us. Were we to grow up in an environment devoid of institutions, our character would be likewise empty.
Are we essentially a blank slate?

The developmental environment of many people plays a significant role in shaping their character, virtues, and beliefs. However, while the majority conforms to that of their peers and environment, a select minority of people shape their own interests and beliefs that contrast that of their peers. Such resiliance can be noted in Rosa Parks, a nonconforming civil rights activist, and Liesel Meminger of Markus Zusak’s “Book Thief”, a German youth left unpersuaded by the masses in Nazi Germany.

Many of Rosa Parks’ time and skin color accepted their belittled status in society as fact. This was a time whenever people of color were expected to sit at the back of the bus and forfeit their seat to a white person if need be. When Parks refused to rise for a seatless white person, she sparked national outrage as her nonconformist antics were unaccepted and unappreciated at the time. She would hereby endure an inflated amount of trouble for this stunt, subsequently helping to spark a national movement to eventually see equality for all citizens. This exemplified resiliance and willingness to go against the crowd proves Rosa Parks a nonconformist and the complete opposition of a blank slate.

Liesel Meminger of “Book Thief” is a German youth developing in Nazi Germany, a propaganda state that specifically targetted children in an attempt to solidify a Nazi foundation within them so sincerely, so utterly that they pledged blind allegiance to the Nazi state and ideology. Despite this gripping effort, Liesel was left untouched and unmoved by the constantly surrounding propaganda. The poignant speeches, the profound yet unjustifiable accusations towards the Jews were not enough to prevent Liesel from sheltering a parentless Jewish boy. Liesel put everything on the line to stand for what she believed in, even though it being the absolute opposite of what she has been taught her enitre life. Doing so because she felt it to be the morally right thing to do.

The unpopular decisions of Rosa Parks and Liesel Meminger stand to prove that not all humans begin with a blank slate, conforming to the beliefs and virtues of its peers and environment. A select few, such as the mentioned pair, design their own slate according to their respective ideologies, conforming not to that of their peers and environment.

2

Good essay! There are still some grammatical errors here and there, but overall you’ve improved quite a bit, especially in terms of length and content.

Your introduction is now nearly perfect and warrants no criticism in terms of content and structure. You clearly state your stance that not all of us are blank slates, and you proceed to give the examples that you will use. Keep to the same structure of this introduction for all future essays, and you’ll be able to save a lot of precious time in the actual test. There’s just one grammatical problem, though, and that’s ‘majority conforms… their peers’. Keep in mind that unless you specify ‘majority of people’, ‘majority’ on its own is always singular, and therefore should be ‘its peers’.

Rosa Park is a great example to use for your stance. You also give a concise explanation on how she was not a blank slate, leaving in only the relevant facts that work in the favor of your argument. Bravo, bravo - though there are a few diction errors I would like to point out. Firstly, ‘stunt’ has taken on a connotation heavily related to entertainment, which isn’t suitable for Rosa Parks. Simply ‘action’ would make a better choice. Secondly, in the last sentence, ‘opposition’ is not a substitute for ‘opposite’. Also in the last sentence, note that ‘resilience and willingness’ is plural, and therefore it should be ‘prove Rosa Parks’, not ‘proves’. Lastly, you misspell resilience, so be careful of that next time!

Though your second example is just as strong as your first. Once again I’d like to commend you for providing only the details that bolster your argument. However, there are errors errors that are jarring to the reader:
-‘so utterly’ is used awkwardly here. Not necessarily wrong, but it may leave a bad taste in some readers.
-‘poignant’ means ‘evoking sadness’. Did the speeches really evoke sadness in the citizens? Perhaps you meant something more along the lines of ‘powerful’?
-The only content-related error is ‘parentless Jewish boy’. Parentless and Jewish indeed, but was Max really a boy? He was certainly older than Liesel.
-In the seventh line, ‘it being’ is grammatically incorrect as the sentence lacks a verb. Perhaps you meant ‘it was’?
-From the seventh line to eighth line, ‘Doing so… right thing to do’ is not a complete sentence. You may wish to replace ‘Doing so’ with ‘She did so’.

Your conclusion is good - no grammatical errors, an effective emphasis on your argument.

8/12. Keep your grammatical errors to the minimum, and you’ll see your score improve in no time!

Disclaimer:
This is my personal opinion and my projected score may not accurately reflect the real scores given by the actual SAT essay graders. My opinion is independent of that of PaulAcademy International.

3

can anyone grade my essay ? i feel this essay isn’t quite relevant to the topic even though could you please provide me some feedback and also some strategies to get a approximate 12…

Do people have to pay attention to mistakes in order to make progress ?
Mistakes is a flaw which makes things immaculate. The sins or mistake we do in past reflects our future on how we utilize it to be.Understanding the past mistakes and dealing with it will certainly provides a plethora of skills. some of the examples from history and literature demonstrates how we can progress in near future when there is the realization of mistakes.
Malala Yousafzai, a teenage girl who fought alone with the cruelty of Taliban to end their rule was thought to be a mistake by every villagers as their brutality exceeded with many threats to her family but with her incessant reply to the Taliban even after being shot with a bullet in her forehead made her more powerful to combat ending into the right to education along with peace to the society. finally the society who pointed out her action as a mistake, learned that no one should be underestimated and judged by their physical appearance.
likewise, the great depression of 1929 is the also one of the best suited example to illustrate that we can rise up from our mistakes. with the halt of stock markets and hunger for employment, every citizen of USA became hopeless with that situations but with the new deal proposed by Franklin D Roosevelt finally ended those black days.This happened only because there was the “realization of crash of stock market” - the mistake by tight monetary policy and now as a result the federal reserve board and the central banks are all working together so it doesn’t happen again which has flourished the policy of USA’s stock markets and employment.
In conclusion, mistakes is the main ingredient in letting any individual or a group to reach to the top position.The great depression of 1929 and the realization of the society on underestimating Malala definitely supplies a good illustrations to prove that mistake is the main pathway to success.