Essay Help

Alright so I am applying to Phillips Academy. The prompt that I chose was ‘Tell us your story’. I am Lebanese, so I wanted to write about my heritage and create a vivid type of essay. However, I am skeptical as to add how this shaped me, because I think that would take away from the nostalgic theme of the essay. I am also going to write in the same way about America, however before I do that I want to make sure this essay format is acceptable. Here is the paragraph about Lebanon: (The first arabic word translates BEST to nightlife, but it in this context it is staying up late at someone’s dwelling, the second arabic word means tea. I also wanted to confirm if using arabic words was okay, as I believe this would add to the feeling of nostalgia. Alright I’ll stop talking now…)

My story is of orange terracotta rooftops, small villages and high elevations. It is a story of the bright city lights, packed and often noisy traffic jams, and سهرات of Beirut. One of dirty, deflated, peeled-at-parts soccer balls, and kids dusting the dirt off their knee caps. The view from the very top of Teleferique; colorful paragliders hovering over the outlines of tall, sand colored apartment buildings, overlooking the Jounieh Bay which reflects the warm, brilliant orange light of the sunset. Of old, light brown, thick branched olive trees. Similar are the relatives who planted them, who have equally thick unibrows, oak colored eyes, frizzy brown hair, and a warm hug that says “I’m glad you’re here”. Of bratty, tiresome cousins that somehow find a way to make you love them. Of a sleepless night filled with the chirping of crickets and the barking of stray dogs. Of a peaceful view of the stone houses and gravelly roads of the valley below, while sitting on a plastic, white Monobloc chair and drinking tea. Of weeping over a rocking chair that your grandfather rocked you in when you were just two. Nostalgia for memories you don’t have. Of love. Of joy. Warmth. Heritage. My story is of Lebanon.

My bad there is no second arabic word I edited it out

I am also applying to Andover and have also received the option to “tell my story” and I still have no idea about how I’m going to write it.

Anyways, I do believe that you can incorporate how your heritage shaped you without getting rid of the nostalgic theme of the essay. It’ll definetly be a strong essay in the end. People always long for their past, yet it’s their past that made them who they are today.

Do whatever feels right. You want this to be an essay that you are more than proud of in the end.

The imagery, OMG, my writing teacher would go crazy over it. You did a fantastic job of describing the scenery.

Anyways, MERRY CHRISTMAS, and if you don’t celebrate Christmas, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Thank you! I’m Muslim, so I do not celebrate Christmas however I wish you a Merry Christmas!

@M0hammad No problem!

How long did it take you to write that?

Beautifully written except for use of an Arabic word that is likely to leave many readers baffled.

Also, not sure that this phrase makes sense: “Nostalgia for memories you don’t have.”

If you look at it from a literal perspective, that phrase doesn’t make since. But I’m sure you can somehow weave it in there and elaborate further through your essay.
Are you longing for things you didn’t get to do in your past? Is that what you mean?

After thinking about that phrase a bit more, I think that it makes sense as a yearning or wish that one had created more memories.

The phrase is attention getting & memorable, and creative.

Made me long for a place I’ve never been with the ferocity of someone who was raised there. Sukran. Salaam.

It took me three days

I will change the nostalgia part to something else. I just realized this would definitely not be interpreted by the text, but I meant every place I went I experienced deja vu, which strengthened the feeling of belonging.

To show that I’m thinking of either deleting that line or just keeping it. I actually think I like the way Publisher interpreted it, and I hope whoever reads it interprets it that way too. However, maybe I could make it a little more clear by saying something like ‘Of a place that is so easy to get attached to.’