<p>Also through their mistreatment it affected my acadmeics. How am I going to explain that?</p>
<p>So…just saw your other post. If you had issues with grade dips or couldn’t participate in ECs due to these medical issues, you might ask your GC if it makes any sense for them to put something in their recommendation about this. IF the GC agrees with your analysis of the situation (school officials may not, so this may not work in this situation). </p>
<p>Thanks</p>
<p>Nope, don’t put it into your parent’s POV. Your own perspective in an essay is most powerful. Try a few new topics and see if any work. You can always go back to this one. </p>
<p>Thanks @dyiu13</p>
<p>The main Common App essay is not to explain career ideas. Nor to show how ardent you think you are, the trauma this came from and details . Shawn is right and so is intparent. And it is not a place to explain grades.</p>
<p>You may present better if you focus on the positive of the vol work and only vaguely allude to some past challenges. They don’t need an expose or exposition. </p>
<p>Yet one of the promts state, share your story.</p>
<p>Honey, the smart kids use the prompt to their advantage, not take it literally or as open permission. It’s why I keep saying what matters is that it is relevant to a college admissions review. I can imagine a hs English or writing teacher being quite proud of you for revealing and examining this- the boldness. But this is for college admissions. It should show what matters to those college reviewers. </p>
<p>Think of it this way… every one of us actually has lots of stories. We have a lot of roles in our lives, a lot of activities,a lot of different ways we can present ourselves. No one has just ONE story. Pick the one that makes them want to be around you.</p>
<p>Thanks again</p>
<p>The fact is, do you think this one incident represents who YOU are? Does it show noteworthy or remarkable qualities of who you are as a person? If not, I would do as others have recommended and choose a different story about yourself. If you are worried about the impact on your academics and how that would show on your transcript, I would do as @intparent suggested and have a discussion with your guidance counselor, in which they can mention this in their letter of recommendation.</p>
<p>Your initial question “If I were to incorporate in my paper, how do I make it sound like I am not bashing about my coaches” indicates that it would be difficult to write about it in a way that is not overly negative. I know this seems like possibly the biggest thing going on in your life at the moment, but imagine you are going for an interview, trying to join a social circle, or meeting a significant other in your life for the first time. You only have a limited amount of time to do it. Is this the first story you want to tell them? College admissions is like the same thing. If you are really adamant about it, we can’t stop you. But please ask other people around you to read it (english teacher, guidance counselor, parent etc), pretend like they don’t know you and ask them their impressions of you from reading it.</p>
<p>None of us are denying how important all this is to you. We’re saying find a better way to entice adcoms. Recognize that the application and essay are about how you will fare in college, what you will contribute to the whole. The essay isn’t about your personal goals, nor your intense backstory. They do like to see positive outlook- which is darned hard to “show” when you’re immersed in the gory details of a situation.</p>
<p>Look for topic where you can have the right touch. All good writing is about writing to your readers’ interests and goals.</p>
<p>I have often described admissions as a “look forward.” Ie, they are looking at your app and trying to project the sort of kid you will be on campus, academically and socially. The messy details of the past are not what sell them. Sorry to be blunt.</p>
<p>No I perfectly understand.</p>
<p>Remember that you can sink your teeth into your coach-abuse story once you get into college or via another outlet other than your admissions essays. As mentioned above, a lot of students tackle such subject matter in their freshman English writing courses. Also, if you read Dante’s Inferno in college, you might recognize ol’ coach with a reserved spot in the center circle of Hell. 
Take care. </p>
<p>its called sports,they’re hard, quit if you cant handle it</p>
<p>@mikenan15 - He said he was not referring to “drop and give me 20.” His coaches are innocent until proven guilty, but if what he’s saying is true, I doubt you could have handled it any better. Nice comma usage… </p>
<p>@mikenan15 If you have made placed in state your first year of a sport you have no clue about, and you have been abused by your coaches, not freaking laps or pushups, but legitimate physical and mental abuse as much as someone who had super severe family issues, and had to change high schools because of this, then call me. </p>
<p>@mikenan15 sorry but those are just the facts, that I bet you have never faced.</p>
<p>@mikenan15 sorry</p>
<p>Sorry, it sounded like you were talking about just a really hard sport from the OP (laps, pushups, etc). If you were literally getting abused thats a different story. My bad jumping to a conclusion, hope all is well now.</p>