Essay on materialism and corruption?

So, I’ve been debating about what to do for my common application essay because I don’t want it to be a simple narrative about who I am, etc. So I started to think about the problems that I see with the world and how they have effected me. If you know who I am, you will understand what I’m saying in the essay BUT I can see how my essay could be interpreted as a self-righteous, bitter outsider complaining about the <em>popular</em> people. This is not the case but I think this is how it may be interpreted which I don’t think is a good thing. I haven’t spent that much time on it and it is definitely a draft… but give me some thoughts. Also, it needs a better ending… I know. Also is 650 words a problem if it fits on the page?


There is a fundamental problem which has been facing today’s society and this epidemic is taking a toll on the success of the youth of America. It’s not a matter of resources or opportunities but a matter of expectations and goals, a lack goals and overly high expectations to be precise. For centuries, the United States of America has been deemed the most prosperous and successful country ever, yet how is it that the American youth can’t see this gift and take advantage of it? With the focus on what is current and not their future, the unrealistic expectations and ideals which society has taught the youth will not be obtained without a great deal of perseverance and determination.
My life as far back as I can remember has included traveling and learning about other lands and cultures. Be it the technologically advanced Germans or the impoverished Belizeans, the knowledge of the world and its various personalities has given me a different perspective on life in America. Up until high school, normality was not a term used to describe my education. With a military family, home schooling was the only alternative which would allow for some type of structure and continuity while the locations of our home changed. When my father retired, I was thrown into a world of social cliques, materialistic divisions, and standardized education also known as public high school. For all of my life I had been my own teacher, my own counselor, and my own critic. Fitting in wasn’t a problem, I had the brains for the classroom and the talent for the field but where I struggled was in trying to understand the priorities and expectations of the normal American youth. As a senior now and the student liaison elected to represent the student body to my counties school board I like to think that I may have figured out what some of these priorities are but if I have, I am concerned that our society has failed our youth.<br>
Each morning as I drive into the schools parking lot, I am reminded what priority one is. After the gaining the freedom of transportation, it is no longer good enough to have transportation, it has to be the best, the most altered. As I watch my fellow classmates migrate from their newly purchased cars to the school, I note priority two. There is no such thing as a brandless piece of clothing or accessory. If it is not Louis Vuitton or Sean John, it must be Dolce and Gabbana or Abercrombie and Fitch. Following the walk from the car to the school, I enter and mark priority three, which has become, by far, the most important. The time allotted by the school system between arrival and the start of class was implemented to allow for preparation and settling. What has resulted can only be described as a social marketplace where the latest and greatest are presented and confronted. It is not the material world which amazes me as this is the norm for society as a whole, but it is the lack of concern for their future and avoidance o f their future which alarms me.<br>
When asking a random grouping from my school what they plan to do after they graduate, all but a few will say that they want to attend college. What for, I ask. This is where most of my peers are stumped. They know that college is supposedly the key to success, but have no idea why they are really attending. They know that they want a high paying job and a successful future but without a direction or a set of goals, how can this be a realistic plan? The environment which society has created for the youth to development in is not the talent nurturing, skill seeking environment that is once was. Society has imposed its views on the youth and the youth is the one suffering.



… also don’t be too harsh, it is a DRAFT!

<p>Your second paragraph may have some potential. The rest is self-righteous and boring rambling.</p>

<p>See, that's what I want to hear. I know that I am not self-righteous but I think that alot of my peers will not face their future, set goals, or plan and I think that alot of this has to do with the expectations that society has set for us.... but I don't know how to say that without sounding conceited. </p>

<p>...maybe I should just move onto another topic.</p>

<p>Essays in which students attempt to solve the world's problems seem presumptuous. It would be better to write an essay that focuses more on you. A possibility would be an essay focusing on what you've accomplished and learned as your county's student representative to the school board.</p>

<p>Your essay also is written from the viewpoint that you have a perspective that is superior to how your peers think. Writing an essay from that standpoint makes you seem arrogant and condescending.</p>