<p>My mom, dad, and sister all read it and aren’t very happy with it, but I thought it was pretty solid. It’s a first draft, but I do think it has potential. Feedback please?</p>
<p>I have few hobbies. At least, I have few hobbies in the traditional, candle-making or stamp-collecting sense of the word. I suppose I am a collector of sorts, in the same way a yearbook photographer is a collector of faces. Thanks to my entirely unique hobby, I have developed an ability to instantaneously evaluate a string of characters, and, upon analysis of those digits, rapidly operate a piece of modern technology so small it can fit in your back pocket.
What could this hobby be? you may ask. What could this girl possibly do that sharpens those particular abilities? I must be an engineering whiz, a private investigation prodigy, or a hacker of sorts. Nope! My hobby, enjoyed only by myself, is the collection of vanity license plates. If there is a custom plate in a parking lot or on the road, you can rest assured that I will quickly snap a picture on my cell phone and upload it to my online photo album.
Upon reflection, what I do is mainly amusement. Im really only making the entertainment of a funny plate more accessible to the masses, and more abundant. So is it a hobby for myself? Hardly. The thrill of finding a new, clever license plate is long gone I do it to entertain.
Upon further reflection, my hobby is truly a study of human nature. Ive pondered questions like, Why do people chose to share something personal to the hundreds of people who see their car daily? Why did they choose to display their name, their profession, or their favorite pastime? Is it purely for them, or is it for the rest of the worlds benefit? Ive seen plates that clearly only mean something to the owner (FEPINS), plates that are meant to be understood (GO4RST), and plates that make the driver look athletic or cool (T-HEELS).
If I were to invest in my own vanity license plate, I would go the most personal route. I would combine the three most important things to me: my crew team, Wayland-Weston (WW); my sister, whose name also starts with K (K2); and Lake George, where Ive spent every summer of my life (LG). WWK2LG. Would you see that plate and think twice about it? I would.</p>
<p>(377 words)</p>
<p>Thank you so much! If anyone wants feedback on their essay, I’m not an admissions expert, but I’ll check it out!</p>
<p>It sounds like an interesting hobby, and it’s pretty unique. You can write well, but my only issue is to make sure your response fits the prompt.</p>
<p>This would be fine if the question was something like: what do you enjoy doing in your free time? or what unique interests do you have?</p>
<p>Schools like UChicago would probably be happy with this essay since their prompts are pretty uncommon too. However, other schools like Princeton might like to see an essay more focused on academics or job experiences. What did your parents and siblings not like about the essay?</p>
That’s a stretch given the evidence you provide. The purpose of pledging loyalty to, say, a team on a license plate is obvious. You could investigate more why someone would go the personal route. After all that is the route you end up taking. </p>
<p>What is go4rst? Go Forest? </p>
<p>Well written, quick read, mildly entertaining topic, almost forgettable. Of the good essays, it is mediocre.</p>
<p>I think it could be a good start, but I think you missed answering the crucial “so what” question-why does this matter, has it changed you, has it affected your views or actions, inspired you to do something else? I think you should consider these questions then continue where you left off in your essay.</p>
<p>Hey, I actually think it is creative and interestingly-written. Now i agree with the person who commented before me. I think you finished a bit too soon. You had the right idea with talking about your own vanity license plate, but you should talk a bit more about why you would choose those symbols of your life and why that matters</p>
<p>From a context standpoint, you’ve certainly chosen a unique topic that’s fully capable of a great essay, and you’re enthusiasm for your hobby clearly leaps off the computer screen. Your thoughts are connected well and flow nicely. Kudos to you in this department!</p>
<p>However, you have a tendency to ask more questions than answers in your essay rather than provide analysis of or evidence for some of your arguments (i.e. “study of human nature”). Try to answer your own questions instead of asking them in the essay. People want your thoughts, not your questions.</p>
<p>Your diction can be a bit sloppy at points, usually because of poor word choices and over usage of the verb “to be.” Vary your verbs!</p>
<p>Likewise, don’t overload some parts of your essay with large, impressive vocabulary (like instantaneously). Some words create either awkward constructions (like the split infinitive in the first paragraph “to instantaneously evaluate”) or wordy sentences. To be descriptive is to use action verbs, not adjectives. As always, avoid passive voice (i.e. always put the person or thing doing the action first…never last). </p>
<p>Don’t ever use the word “you” in an essay. It’s very indirect and confusing. (Who is you?) Be more specific. Clarify the objects in your essay.</p>
<p>Other than that, I didn’t see too many grammar mistakes other than the use of contractions. (Try to keep those to a minimum in an essay.) Re-read just in case you find spelling mistakes. Nicely done otherwise!</p>
<p>Overall, this essay has some great potential, but there’s definitely some room for refinement.</p>
<p>Dont ever ever ever use an adjective/adverb to describe the word UNIQUE. hahah we just had a 1/2 hour discussion in AP english yesterday about this. Besides that I like it!</p>
In the context of this essay, the phrase in question is “entirely unique.” That is somewhat redundant. </p>
<p>However, in common usage, I would not define unique as the “only one” of something, but “almost the only one” of something. You would tell your friend “that’s a unique haircut”, if it’s totally crazy, although there may be a couple others like it in the world. You would tell your friend “that’s a pretty unique haircut” if you’ve seen others like it, but sparingly. That’s why a phrase like “pretty unique” is helpful (used in one of the comments in this thread). It’s not redundant. Nor do I believe it is contradictory. Someone’s haircut, for instance, can be unique in one setting but somewhat normal in another. That is when a qualifier like “pretty” is in order.</p>
<p>Actually looking back at the phrase “entirely unique,” “entirely” does serve a purpose. It tells us that no one else in the world has this hobby. Unique by itself would not tell us that in my opinion. A “unique hobby” to me is a very rare hobby. That said, the OP doesn’t know if anyone else has a license plate fetish, so it might just be better to stick with unique. </p>
<p>If a teacher has a problem with this, I would probably just give in to their demands, but I’d be reluctant.</p>
<p>I’m surprised nobody else has said anything. You’re leaving yourself open to someone ripping off your essay, it’s in the stickies at the top of the forum.</p>
<p>@Senior0991 you’re wrong. but its okay. everyone thinks the way you do(including myself) because unique is almost always used incorrectly in our society. When you suggest that something can be pretty unique and you say in some cases it would be normal, then you are defeating the definition of the word unique. Unique means completely individual, absolutely nothing like it. Therefore something can’t be kind of unique or very unique, its either unique or it’s not.</p>
<p>Having said that i dont think the colleges would care, its just we legit JUST had a huge discussion on this in my AP english class.</p>
<p>Senior is correct, unless you’re writing something where verbiage needs to be proper or hyperspecific (contracts, business reports, law, philosophy), unique can be used in ways other than “precisely one in the world/universe.” Many things you learn in class are accurate - in a single facet of its use. For example, your thesis doesn’t HAVE to be a single sentence at the end of your first paragraph. In many persuasive works, it isn’t. But you’re taught that that’s the golden rule in HS.</p>
<p>That said, you should never use “entirely unique” to describe yourself or anything you do to other people, because you come off as self-centered and pretentious.</p>
Then almost nothing would be unique. And what one thinks is unique would likely have to have a qualifier attached (“probably unique”). So there’s a reason we use it incorrectly. For all intents and purposes, many things are different enough that the word unique is fairly appropriate. </p>
<p>Another thing I’ve heard is the phrase “increasingly ubiquitous” is wrong. But the way I see it, ubiquitous only means something is everywhere. For instance, TVs can be ubiquitous in society if they are in every household. But now what if every household gets another TV set? Then TVs are becoming increasingly ubiquitous, at least that’s the way I read it. </p>
<p>Some people definitely object to these things, so in a formal paper I would just write “increasingly commonplace.” I think those people are reading the word the wrong way, but whatever. </p>
<p>And again, if the OP just used the word “unique,” that would likely be interpreted as merely something out of the ordinary. That’s not the interpretation the OP is going for. Hence she would be correct putting an adjective next to it, or preferably just using a different word alltogether.</p>