<p>is it okay if your writing is stylized and prosey? </p>
<p>Walking down these streets, I think I might as well rip this tongue out and forget all my thoughts, the protests, the exclamations and glee that inadvertently slip out when my eyes are hooked by something so kawai or sugoi. My native words have vacated my mind for the moment: cute or awesome are forgotten as I delight in kitschy plastic bags or oversized orange sun goggles, my friends verbalizing the limited Japanese that echoes internally. I wish my expressions were not restricted to fragments - words and phrases - and that I could continue to explore beyond Namae wa nan desu ka? making something more than faces with titles.</p>
<p>does this convey a sense of who i am? (i know it’s only the first paragraph…)</p>
<p>From a non-fancy writer, I have to say that it doesn’t do much for me. I have to make a larger effort than I usually would to understand it and your words don’t flow easily. style is important but style has to have a point to it.</p>
<p>actually, i wrote it kinda stream of conscious. but what’s forced about it? can you be more specific?
i like this but if it doesn’t flow well…
rr.</p>
<p>I agree with karot. Remember the adcoms spend what amount of time reading your essay? The virtue of good style is not only creativity and eloquence, but substance, weight and direction. Being concise is better than going over the top.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s just me, but it feels pretentious. “as I delight” doesn’t sound natural, and “native words have vacated my mind” sounds wordy.</p>
<p>I guess the point I’m trying to say is that when I read the passage, I read the words themselves rather than the content, if that makes any sense.</p>