ESSAY: What motivates people to change?

<p>The last time I posted an essay here, people advised me to focus length and coherence among other suggestions. With that in mind this is what came up with. Please score it on a scale of 2-12. And thanks in advance!</p>

<p>What motivates people to change?</p>

<p>When we talk about “changes” in people we are talking about changes in their personalities or changes in how they react to certain circumstances. </p>

<p>People change for many reasons. The most basic reason behind peoples’ changing is their realization or addressing of their priorities. They think about what is wrong with their own ways regarding people, objects or issues important to lives, and seek rectification and thus bring about changes. However, this issue about “priorities” is very broad and should be broken into small segments in order to be made simpler to understand. </p>

<p>Let’s take exhibit A, a man whose lover hates how he nitpicks at the habits of every people in her family. The lover, or the woman, tells the man about how this side of the man bothers her and as a result the man changes. It needs to be mentioned that the man loved the woman very much and wanted to be the man that his lover wanted him to be. In this example, we see how love can be a motivation for change.</p>

<p>We’ll move on to exhibit B now, a woman who is the boss of a small company, realizes that her employees’ reluctance to work well is a result of her harsh treatment of them. Upon her realization she changes this practice BECAUSE she wants to get the best possible work out of her subordinates. This shows how material interest can be a motivator for change.</p>

<p>Finally, there’s an exhibit C, little Johnny, who regularly gets picked on because he is the weakest and lankiest boy in class. He responds to this situation by regularly working out. So, for Johnny, it was hostility from others around him that motivated him to change.</p>

<p>There are countless types of motivators for changes and I only discussed a few. However, I believe I discussed some solid reasons for change.</p>

<p>(310 words)</p>

<p>5 or 6
The beginning is fairly good, though you should giving a more clear thesis statement. You're not writing a paper here, so stick to one of the few reasons for change you mentioned and write about that.
However, the reason I would give the low score is mainly because of the body. SAT readers are not looking for theory. They want concrete examples, from books you have read, or even better experiences that you have had. If you have to make up a story about some random uncle, do that.
Conclusion is also weak. Like I said, pick one single motivator for change, and in the conclusion reassert that, saying that "so and so is the most important reason why people change."</p>

<p>Drop the "exhibit" format. Don't use phrases like "Let's take," "we see," "We'll move on to," "we talk," and "I believe I discussed."</p>

<p>Your writing is solid grammatically, but your essay is weak overall. I did not get a clear sense of a driving thesis beyond the general idea that people are motivated to change by lots of things. Also, your examples feel more like hypotheticals and are not well-developed. I would say 5-6/12 as well.</p>

<p>Choose silver motives of silver slverturtle and silver book made in silver mood and silver paper which makes people to get silver scores and be appreciate to silver silverturtle for that silver scores.=))))</p>

<p>

Yeah, I realize I should have tied the thesis up at the end by bringing up the "priorities" thing again. Intro and conclusion needs to be connected.</p>

<p>

I know, I know. This essay is so loosely based on conjectures because I haven't started researching examples yet. I wanted to work speed and coherence before going hunting for plug-ins. But I still posted cause I wanted to find out how you guys felt about this sort of writing.</p>

<p>Okay, thanks suvayanr and silverturtle!</p>

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Choose silver motives of silver slverturtle and silver book made in silver mood and silver paper which makes people to get silver scores and be appreciate to silver silverturtle for that silver scores.

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</p>

<p>Haha Suleyman, don't know what that means but thanks lol
Edit: Wait, I just got what you meant. Nice use of metaphors!</p>

<p>not a problem. if you have any questions about the essay down the line, feel free to PM me or something</p>