Essay

Colleges & Universities Princeton University
1

<p>On Everwood, Amy got accepted to Princeton with this essay:</p>

<p>Tell us about yourself in such a way that we will have a good sense of who you are; 500 words.</p>

<p>I wish you would’ve asked me that two years ago. I could’ve told you exactly who I was, who I’d be. Two years ago I knew it all and the thing is, I was right. Plans are like candy to the Fates. The only thing you could ever be sure of is nothing ever goes the way you imagined. I should probably be used to that by now. The thing is you can never tell when everything you counted on might fall apart – no matter how solid the rock. Rocks break. Everything changes, even when you think you’re sure, especially. To be fair, if I was one of the Fates looking down at the best laid plans of dumb little people, I’d probably see mine and want to mess with them too. </p>

<p>You want to know about me in 500 words? I get scared sometimes and disappointed. I have doubts and I love getting my way. I don’t like change, but I know it’s good for me and inevitable so I welcome it as best I can. There’s a poem by Johann Franck that says it better than I will. “Defy the old dragon, defy fear. The world may rage and quake but I shall remain singing in perfect peace.” Yeah, things happen – things you don’t expect – or want or like. The world rages and you become someone you didn’t know you’d ever be. And there you are, in your clothes, in your life, this is my future, this is me. This is me and I want things I never thought I would. I want the possibilities a school like Princeton can afford. A place to grow, meet new people. A place to be surprised when life turns out to be nothing like I imagined. You have to be grateful for it – in perfect peace.</p>

<p>You think she would’ve?</p>

2

<p>i hope so-if top hollywood writers cant write a winning essay, what hope is there for the rest of us?</p>

3

<p>lol pretty good</p>

4

<p>Well, would Princeton accept it? Amy had like pretty much Fs in her crucial, Junior year, yet got a 1400.</p>

5

<p>Ummm, it’s a show.</p>

6

<p>The piece is well written and would stand out from the crowd, but it violates a lot of the received wisdom about essays. I think it would probably leave an admission’s officer scratching his or her head. The essay is just over 300 words long. The writer couldn’t summon the energy to use another two hundred words to explain what made her stop being so sure about life? (I don’t watch the show, so I have no idea to what she is referring.) The essay has a colloquial style and contains grammatical errors (i.e. “If I was,” rather than “If I were”), yet also manages to be somewhat pretentious. Generally speaking, admission’s officers do not like to see quotes in essays, especially ones that basically say “I couldn‘t think of how to say this in my own words so here‘s a quote I‘m throwing in.” And if the essay is supposed to be a “tell us about yourself” one, then finishing it with a “why I want to go to Princeton” motif is not really on target. However, Priinceton might accept her because she expresses herself liike a budding TV writer.</p>

7

<p>It’s a god damn show!</p>

8

<p>lol, I agree with you runningncircles1, but it gives us a rare opportunity to analyze an essay online without fear that someone will steal it (note: if you steal the above essay, you will NOT get in). </p>

<p>I agree: the above essay has potential, but leaves me thinking that the applicant (if she were real) is pessimistic and would bring down the spirit of Princeton. The essay fails to demonstrate intellectual curiosity as well. </p>

<p>I know that this essay is fake, but I could imagine real students writing similar essays.</p>