<p>what's everyone doing for the essays?</p>

<p>im thinking of doing dead poets society and carpe diem, but im not sure...</p>

<p>help me fix my really bad essay i wrote in 30 minutes
be as cruel as possible</p>

<p>Matthew Heintz</p>

<pre><code>Hundred’s of people crowded in the room, paying their last respects to this great man. A man everyone loved and respected, a man who had overcome so much, had died. But he was more than just a man to me, he was my grandfather. Though this man has perished from this earth; the morals and values he instilled upon me and others, and the happiness he brought so many is still alive today.

I spent nearly every weekend of my childhood hearing his stories, witnessing his acts of kindness, and seeing the love and respect people showed him. Even from a young age he did more than was required of him, winning a bronze start in World War 2. Rising above the call of duty was something he did outside of war also. He worked long hours, yet always found time for his family and the community. He ran the Little League Baseball program for decades, did endless charity work for his church, and even took care of his neighbor’s daughter for nearly two years when her mother had a drug problem. He was an all around good guy: if he saw an injured animal in the street, he would bring it the veterinarian and pay for the treatment; if he saw a homeless person in need of money, he’d give them money without a thought.
He was an intelligent man, and could’ve probably gone great places and accumulated great wealth; however, this was not what was important to him. He’d rather experience the joy of helping a friend in need, instead of buying that big screen television. He knew what was important in life; being nice and respectful to your fellow man. Money cannot buy happiness, but being loved by the whole community sure does. He showed me this often ignored truth through his many stories and through the many experiences we shared. He taught me to always be kind and benevolent towards all and to always do what is right. Being wealthy is a great goal, but not if you have no one to enjoy it with. If it were not for him, I would not be the person I am today. I would be the average misguided intellectual, looking to get rich at any way possible, not respecting my friends and family, and not realizing how to find true happiness.

<p>Line 1: Hundreds, not hundred's</p>

<p>Your second sentence is a run on, try inserting a semicolon between "respected" and "a man"</p>

<p>Last sentence, paragraph 1, should be ARE still alive, not is.</p>

<p>The phrase "money can't buy happiness" is such a cliche, admissions boards don't want to hear cliches; they want interesting, compelling stories.</p>

<p>In short, it's obvious you only spent 30 minutes on this essay. Not to be mean, but it is cliched and not particularly interesting. However, it could be a good concept for the just need to rework your approach....a lot.</p>

<p>i would connect it to nyu. the first line is not catchy. you want the reader to be drawn to your essay. </p>

nyu 2006</p>