<p>i typed this up in about twenty minutes just so i knew id be able to type something when the time came. i am actually quite fond of some parts, though, and want to see if maybe i should focus on this specific essay or try other ideas. The second paragraph seems worse to me, but here, see for yourself: </p>

<pre><code>Last year, I visited my brother at [his college], where he was an undergraduate. He lived in a house several miles from the college campus. The house was divided into two parts. In one part lived my brother and two friends; in the other part lived three of my brother’s friends.

<p>(new paragraph--it wont indent on this site...) I arrived there on a clear and cold Friday night. It was freezing. I saw it in my busmates shiver’s before I got off the bus, and I felt it in my fingers as I sat on the curb once I got off. Those very same fingers were dialing away at my mother’s cell phone, which she had lent to me for this very purpose. My brother picked up his cell phone on the other end and I told him to pick me up. He asked where I was, and I replied, “north campus, a parking lot with dozens of colored lights.” He chuckled. On the ride home he explained that the entire college had many colored lights, to which I replied, “One for every student.” “What about a flickering light, what’s that?” I chuckled. But my mind was elsewhere. I was busy trying to impress him. Back on the curb I had been doing nothing but thinking of jokes I could make in the car with my brother. I grew angry with myself as my creativity failed me.
But as my brother’s car turned a steep hill corner, he looked over and saw my hand still trembling of cold, and as a reflex his own hand turned up the heating dial. The hot air was great, but, if I my be florid, what really did it was the warm expression on my brother’s face as he adjusted the dial. I realized right then that all my pre-car strategizing was in direct opposition to the relationship my brother and I shared. We had enjoyed a full conversation of impertinence on the subject of college lights. I was so intent on impressing my brother that I had barely noticed a friend of his was stationed in the backseat of the car. There was no need to impress, only to live and share. What was that friend doing in the backseat, anyway? Did my brother do that just so I could share the front with him? So rather than keep to myself and come up with ten possible reasons he could be in the back and deduce by logic which was most likely and what were the implications of it and so on, I up and asked it. I’m not sure what the answer was, and I don’t think I ever heard it, but that was simply okay.</p>

<p>So far it's just aimless rambling. You spent 20 minutes typing it? Maybe next time you should put some time and effort into your essays BEFORE asking others to do so.</p>