<p>Thanks everyone. You have been helpful</p>
<p>Update:
Executor has had the Will filed by the atty who drafted it, and has provided a copy
Glad I took the LOUD silent approach…leaving a big silent void to provide pressure.</p>
<p>Thanks again for info and advice</p>
<p>I would also like to thank the OP for the thread. It was the kick in the rear that I needed to get back in to our attorney to update our wills… which were 18 years old! They are currently being rewritten and will be ready for our signatures next week.</p>
<p>Yesterday, I finally put H’s and my wills and other important original docs in our safety deposit box (we have copies). Before the end of the year, we will work on changing the title/names of our assets, putting things into our trust, etc. </p>
<p>We’ve hired the attorney who wrote our estate plan to help us clear up title for two properties owned by H and his relatives, his sis’ estate can be wound down.</p>
<p>BTW We just redid our wills, power of atty, health directives etc …ours were 15 yrs old</p>
<p>Also had some docs drawn up for K1 who is 20.</p>
<p>Will have docs done for K2 after age 18…</p>
<p>Just out of curiousity, fogfog, what legal docs did you have drawn for your kids? We haven’t done any for our kids (ages 23 and 25), but could easily do so if it makes sense. Thanks!</p>
<p>We did durable power of atty for them in case they cant handle business things for themselves. Also health power of atty /directives etc.
Once they are over 18 they have to put it in writing. </p>
<p>Our Wills/trusts protect any asset they would have inherited from us so they don’t need wills right now.</p>
<p>OK, thanks. Did you do durable medical power of attorney as well, so you can make medical decisions when they’re unable? That seems to be important as well. Am just thinking all of this out so I can bring it up with our kids, as they may live quite far from us for some time.</p>
<p>My father just passed away unexpectedly few weeks ago, so we are sorting through all the paperwork now. </p>
<p>Take aways - naming beneficiaries for each bank/brokerage acct would override what’s in the will, and would not need to go into probate. Another word, if the annuity named OP and 2 other people as the beneficiaries then OP could get the acct changed with a copy of death certificate without having to go to probate or need executor’s approval. Our lawyer told us that specific trumps general. The only assets which need to go into probate are the ones only in my dad’s name. Joint accts can be transferred over to my mom’s name with a copy of death certificate.</p>
<p>I just set up one wealth management acct for my mom. The acct names her kids are equal beneficiaries. Upon her death, the acct could be transferred to us without having to go to court.</p>
<p>My father went in the hospital one morning and was put on a life support within hours after being admitted. It was interesting that my brother and I were able to make medical decisions without any written document from my father.</p>
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<p>Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that basically what a trust is for? If someone has a trust (along with a pour over will), then you can avoid probate?</p>
<p>Yes, a trust can handle things, but so can naming individuals as beneficiaries as the dad has done. Trusts put everything in one place and can be updated without having to update each separate asset over time.</p>
<p>Yes, that is how my will is set up now, with a pour over trust. Most of my accounts with only a few exceptions are set up to go into a trust that is currently empty, but essentially is created upon my death. Most accounts and my major assets (eg, house) go into the trust at that point, and then the trust document will be used for distribution of the assets. This is NOT the case with some retirement accounts, they have to be set up with direct beneficiaries. You need an attorney to help with this type of setup and help you know for sure how to set all the beneficiaries. The rules vary a bit by state, too.</p>
<p>I think some types of accounts can’t be set up with multiple beneficiaries or dividing by percentage. Thus it can be hard to keep things equal among heirs with just beneficiaries. And you have to do something about any real estate you own, too. My understanding is that is where you get the benefit of the pour over trust.</p>
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All of my retirement accts allow me to set up primary and secondary beneficiaries. The only catch is you would need your spouse’s consent. Another word, if you want to give equal amount to your children and spouse, instead of all to your spouse, then you’ll need your spouse to give his/her consent. You won’t need an attorney to set it up.</p>
<p>For small scale accounts, just having a beneficiary or joint owner would be enough. Not everyone has a potential estate that is large enough to be worth the time and money to set up a trust.</p>
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<p>I would not try to set up a pour over trust in your will without an attorney. And if they are doing that anyway, they will tell you how to set all beneficiaries to achieve the goals you want to for asset distribution and avoiding probate. It isn’t like the trust is set up separately – it is just created as part of the wording in my will. It isn’t as complicated as it sounds. And you can’t have a beneficiary on your house – unless you want to change the ownership on real estate, you have to deal with that.</p>
<p>Oh, I didn’t mean to set up a trust without an attorney. I was referring to each individual acct.</p>
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<p>The standard is that the next of kin makes the decisions. This would normally be the spouse, then the kids if there is no surviving spouse. Assuming your mother did not disagree with any decisions you/your brother made, there would be absolutely no issues.</p>
<p>If your mother could not decide and you and your brother disagreed, then things get sticky. Other case where things get sticky is when the next of kin disagrees with any written instructions left by the patient.</p>
<p>^ I know of a family where the spouse of the terminally ill patient was not taking care of him at all…and he moved in with his brother and sister in law…and then they wrote up something so the brother could care for him / make decisions at Mayo etc. </p>
<p>Important to know what you want and to be clear with who you are asking to fulfill your requests…and that they are trustworthy etc.</p>
<p>In the case of my late mom, dad had those duties, however we all took care to be sure mom was medicated/,morphine etc…as Hospice directed.</p>
<p>Now that k1 is of majority, K1 is second in line after my spouse. Would hope the need isn’t there any time soon. Also per atty the power was given to K1 and not shared between k1 and k2 …because it is important to have A decision maker</p>
<p>Would like to share a story that underscores the importance of health directives that involves my sister’s BFF. Her husband was a cancer patient and was put on a ventilator a week before he died. He had adult children from his first marriage and they had children who were also adults. </p>
<p>She gave permission for the ventilator because she and her husband had had conversations specifically about that possibility. She was confident that she knew her husband’s wishes. </p>
<p>The hospital didn’t have a copy of his directive on file and she hadn’t taken the time to go to the bank and get it from their safe deposit box as she was very emotional and wanted to spend every possible minute with her husband. </p>
<p>One of the docs was quite insistent that she take the time to go and get it, especially when he learned there were children from two marriages. He explained to her that if there was no directive, and there was a dispute involving his care, the children from the first marriage would legally have voice in the decision-making process. But, her children (children from his second marriage) would have no say. Fortunately, there was no dispute but she did take the time to go to the bank and get the document. She was so glad he had a directive and that she knew what he wanted! </p>
<p>I can only imagine the mess that could have been created for this family at such a dreadful time!</p>
<p>I’m wondering if anybody here has heard of such a crazy law! I know these laws vary from state to state—this took place in Pennsylvania. I’m wondering if other states have similar laws and what could possibly be the justification for what seems to be such unfair treatment of some of his children. </p>
<p>The take-away is…get those legal documents in order!</p>
<p>I know in my hospital in NY state , if you do not have a Healthcare proxy, a legal document, then we assign a surrogate. By law it it the legal current wife, if no wife, then it is an adult child, who the pt can name, if no adult children, then a parent, if no parent, a sibling, no siblings then a friend the pt names. We always encourage the importance of having a HCP and we help them get the paperwork done.</p>