<p>jonri, sorry, I did not mean to appear rude. I was just honestly describing what popped into my head as you were describing your daughter’s behavior. I think some of the other posts have been in response to your original description as well. I’m sure your daughter is a lovely woman and glad that the wedding went well and that you came back to clarify some of the issues about the hats,etc.</p>
<p>S1’s fiancee is a Brit – let the fascination begin! 
</p>
<p>Agree that if the circumstances warrant, having a convenient option for folks with families is a thoughtful gesture. I don’t think our happy couple has gotten to that point in the discussion yet. (I’m not sure there will be many folks with young kids anyway.) They are focused on finding jobs, how/when to consolidate finances, and navigating visa issues.</p>
<p>When my brother married my former roommate, my mom asked me what the MOB would be wearing. I jokingly told her MOB (who was a very nice, young-looking woman who taught reading by day and ran a bar/pool hall at night and who had never been anything but kind to me, even before her G started dating my B) that she’d probably wear a LBD with a low neckline and a beaded jacket. The look on my mom’s face when the MOB arrived in exactly that outfit was priceless. And the advantage to having a young-looking mom: it’s hereditary! SIL is 50 and looks 20.</p>
<p>pizzagirl.</p>
<ol>
<li>I did not write guest, I wrote the name. I said guest on this forum for illustration. just like I wrote Mr and Mrs XYZ.</li>
</ol>
<p>If you read into my post you will see I stated “they were in a relationship”, that was meant to infer I knew the Guest’s name and would write it on the inner envelope.</p>
<p>Our area the invite has an outer with the name/address, inner with the name only.</p>
<p>Hence it would be:</p>
<p>Ms. Sally Hoo and Guest
1234 ABC Lane
Whoville, USA 98765</p>
<p>Open it and there is another envelope, that is where it will state
Ms. Hoo and Mr Ville.</p>
<ol>
<li>Honeymoon</li>
</ol>
<p>
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<p>DS was born in Europe and he has studied French, Italian and German through HS and college. He has visited Italy just a few years ago, and stated to us He would like to visit Europe again. He is core concentrating in Military History, WWII. His GF is majoring in History with a concentration in French. </p>
<p>To me that is a gift that they would both enjoy.</p>
<p>Also, let’s be real are you really going to say to someone thanks for the vacation, but we don’t want to go there?</p>
<p>Ever heard about gift horse and the mouth?</p>
<p>OBTW, DS is going AD AF, and if he is like us, his 1st 2 yrs of marriage will be filled with them PCSing to a new base ever 6 months. We took our honeymoon at our 4 yr marker, because the AF moved us 3 times within 3 yrs. </p>
<p>I am not that stupid to pay 10K for a vacation. I am also not that inconsiderate to my kids. I know my kids, DS1 hates the beach, doesn’t ski, loves history. DD loves the beach, loves the snow and loves history. DS2 loves the beach, hates the snow, hates history and loves just touring.</p>
<p>Yes, I always wanted to do it myself, and will for our 30th, like we did the Winter Olympics in Italy for our 20th. However, on that 20th, and to this day all 3 of my kids remember riding the rail in Italy and want to do it again. The rail in Europe is not like here.</p>
<p>Our DD was born in the UK, (DS1 too), she wants to go back to the UK. Would you fault me for buying that vacation?</p>
<p>Last, but not least I am an equal opportunity parent, if I can’t insure that we can do this for their siblings it won’t happen.</p>
<p>I am curious of why the animosity about what I may do in a few yrs for my child?</p>
<p>I have to agree that I would not plan the honeymoon for the newlyweds, even if it was a gift that you think both would enjoy. We also paid for our Ds’ honeymoons but would never have presumed to tell them where they had to go. A honeymoon is something that the bride and groom should plan and decide for themselves.</p>
<p>alwaysamom, I agree . A honeymoon is a once in a lifetime thing and the newlyweds may have some ideas in mind that they really have not even shared with their parents. It is very generous of you, bulletandpima, to think of helping with the cost of a honeymoon.</p>
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<p>I think that was the point I was making–it’s how a bride makes a request that can make people uncomfortable. I think letting people know you would like X–but also letting them know, if they don’t do X they aren’t being ushered out of the event. Also agree with your point that your D’s friends know her feelings and wouldn’t wear the items that she found unacceptable.</p>
<p>“nobody forced her to back down. I don’t think anyone tried.”</p>
<p>I should hope not. That would be a total Guestzilla move. Miss Manners’s column (like this thread) is a place where people gather to discuss questions of etiquette. Outside of those explicit discussions and the most intimate relationships, criticizing someone else’s etiquette just means you’re both rude. To receive an invitation and respond by trying to strong-arm the hostess – even if she is in error – would be outrageous.</p>
<p>jonri said in her initial post about this that her daughter’s request about no hats ruffled some feathers but that her daughter remained adamant . So, obviously there was some discussion by family and friends about her stance on this issue before the big day. It is not a matter of trying to “force” a bride to reconsider. Just sometimes,close family and very close friends might talk to a bride the way your average invited guest may not.</p>
<p>I would love to see a few fabulous hats at a wedding (as long as they don’t block my view). At my SIL’s wedding, it was a big enough group that someone came in a kilt and there were also a few very fancy sari’s. The kilt-man even brought a kilted-baby!</p>
<p>Great thread, weddings what an emotional minefield even on this thread amongst strangers once or twice removed from the described events the touchieness is palpable re: hats & honeymoons. No wonder the actual events can be so crazy at times it’s just our human nature way of reacting to life changing milestones.</p>
<p>Great observation, coskat. My older son has been dating someone for a few months now. Not sure how serious it is but after reading this thread, I am in no hurry for him to move that relationship along!</p>
<p>I’m starting to think that planning a wedding will make college admissions seem like a stroll in a park.</p>
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</p>
<p>mim, I’ve been through five undergrad admissions, two grad, one law school, and one med school, and two weddings so far. None has been difficult and the two weddings were lots of fun! I can’t wait for the next three, although my H (and his wallet!) may disagree with me. :)</p>
<p>To change the subject just a tad–I’m in need of advice from the fashionistas here. I’ll be attending an East Coast beach wedding in early October. Late afternoon ceremony on the beach (weather permitting), followed by indoor cocktail reception. Things around here tend toward the ultra-casual; we joke about having dress sneakers, and no one bats an eyelash at jeans & polo shirts at the Symphony or Opera. (And the men are even worse 
). So I’m clueless as to what to wear. </p>
<p>I’m liking this dress, especially in red.
[Double-V</a> Dress in Silk Georgette Crepe](<a href=“http://www.eileenfisher.com/EileenFisher/Shop_By_Item/ShopByCategory/Dresses/PRD_F1GC-D1730M/DoubleV+Dress+in+Silk+Georgette+Crepe.jsp?bmLocale=en_US]Double-V”>http://www.eileenfisher.com/EileenFisher/Shop_By_Item/ShopByCategory/Dresses/PRD_F1GC-D1730M/DoubleV+Dress+in+Silk+Georgette+Crepe.jsp?bmLocale=en_US)</p>
<p>What do you folks think? Too much?</p>
<p>My SIL and I have had a relationship that is strained at best. When she got married, she invited the other SIL to be in the wedding, but not me. Kinda felt like a slap in the face, but I didn’t really want to be in the wedding, had 2 small kids and was in the middle of building a house so I didn’t need the stress anyway. My mom and I shopped for a dress for me and we knew it needed to be really formal as this was a NY wedding. Found a lovely, formal, classic dress that looked great on me in a deep, bright pink. Well the bridesmaids were in black (it was NY, remember?), my MIL was in black and white, and my BIL’s fiance was in off-white. When you look at the wedding pictures, your eye is immediately drawn to - ME. In my bright pink. It was NOT done intentionally, but I do chuckle about it. Of all the gorgeous colors in the world, New Yorkers choose to wear black to everything - funeral, wedding, doesn’t matter, they wear black. </p>
<p>Two years later H’s cousin had a black-tie-optional wedding. I bought a lovely, floor-length gown in a pale purple. Very classic and elegant. I came down the stairs and my MIL looked at me, horrified, as if I were wearing ripped jeans. “I thought you said you were wearing black!” :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Oooh! I just remembered! This time next Friday, we’ll be at the first wedding in my family since mine 25 years ago. Should be fun! Nephew is a tattoo artist, the bride is a bartender and their friends are a mix of NYC cops and firefighters. It should be a riot!
If this post is still alive, I’ll post what happened!</p>
<p>Have you gotten your tattoo yet,woody? Have a blast!</p>
<p>No, woody family is ink-phobic. ;)</p>
<p>Woody, that sounds like it could be a lot of fun! Have a great time! Cheers!</p>
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<p>No, you wouldn’t SAY it, since that would sound ungrateful. It doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t think it, though. Frankly I think that sounds a lot more controlling than the MOB suggesting a color scheme to the MOG. It might be a lovely, lovely vacation – and I’m sure it would be fun – but I don’t think it’s a good way to start off a marriage doing a trip that someone else planned and decreed for you. Maybe they’d want to go lie on a beach. Even if your son doesn’t like to, maybe his bride would like to and he wants to please her. Maybe they want to go skiing or climb a mountain or raft a river or go to Disneyworld or go on a cruise. </p>
<p>I think it’s lovely to want to help them out. When my sister got married, she and her husband decided they wanted to go to Europe for their honeymoon, as BIL had never been. My dad cashed in first-class freq flyer miles for them. I surprised them by arranging to have their hotels in Paris and London totally paid for, so when they went to check out, there was no bill. But it was <em>their taste</em> that prevailed. Not mine. I’m not mad or miffed, it’s just that I think there’s a boundary between what you want to do and what they as a new couple might decide jointly they want to do.</p>