<p>DS is engaged to a sweet and lovely girl. Bridesmaids’ dresses have been chosen in a plum color. MOB has bought her dress in dark purple. She recently indicated that I am to purchase a dark purple dress as well.</p>
<p>We don’t live anywhere near each other and shopping together is not feasible.</p>
<p>I have never heard of the MOB directing a specific color–let alone the exact color she is wearing–for the MOG. Do any of you helpful people have experience with this?</p>
<p>I think this is not a good idea for several reasons, first of which is no two “dark purple” dresses will be exactly alike, second of which I think we will look like “senior bridesmaids” and third of which, I DON’T WANT TO WEAR THE SAME COLOR!!!</p>
<p>Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this one. . .</p>
<p>Agreeing to both wear long dresses or both wear short ones, is one thing, being forced to wear a color that you don’t like is something that should only be afflicted on bridesmaids and if I ran the world we wouldn’t do that either.</p>
<p>Mathmom, I do like the color–but I think it’s weird for us both to wear the SAME color. I’ve never seen this in a wedding before and am seeking a reality check from our wise CC community.</p>
<p>Just tell her that purple’s not your best color. I’d tell her that AFTER you pick out the dress you want. As in, Oh, you know, I did think about what you said–I did consider purple, but it just isn’t my color. I found a beautiful (fill in the blank) dress that I just love!</p>
<p>Then, change the subject to some other detail.</p>
<p>She sounds pretty controlling, but hopefully just temporary madness from the wedding planning. </p>
<p>Be thankful that you do NOT live close to her, or she might offer to come help you find the right dress! It’s easier that you are far apart for this situation.</p>
<p>Not an expert on weddings, given that the only one I helped plan was my wives’ and myselfs, but that rings false. I could see something like saying to you “the bridesmaids dresses are plum as a help to you in deciding what color dress you are wearing” or something like that, but telling you what color to wear seems a bit pushy to me, to be honest. Even if the bride’s family is paying for the wedding, the MOG or FOG should have the right to wear what they want to, if they clash, well, that’s their right:). Menswear is easy, unless you choose some 1970’s technicolor nightmare, suits and tuxes are boringly the same:)</p>
<p>^It wasn’t done in my day, but heaven knows what current fashion is. I thought the MOG got to wear boring beige. I am not a big fan of matchy-matchy weddings, but I know some brides think the pictures look better if everyone is in the same color family. My mil wore bubblegum pink - I would never have chosen the color, but if it made her feel good, I don’t feel it ruined my pictures.</p>
<p>As the mother of girls and boys and having been MOG with a fairly laid back bride, I think before you go against the grain of what she is asking, please take the time to find out why. Many brides today have full visions of what <em>their</em> perfect day is all about. For some that means requesting that all guest either wear black or white, or all white, or bright colors…or just whatever. Maybe the bride desires that her entire wedding party be in dark purple, including the mothers and she simply asked her mother to communicate this. (This in no way makes the MOB controlling) It does not mean either are controlling, just that they are trying to fulfill a vision that they have in their minds.</p>
<p>Now, after you listen to why they are requesting this color, and you still do not agree that wearing the same color is something you are up for, then it is what it is. But for a bride (and this comes from being a mom of girls…no weddings for them yet, but plenty of parties where color is important) she could have spent years imagining how her perfect wedding would be. So atleast take the time to find out how important this color is instead of dismissing it like a bad piece of fruit at the market.</p>
<p>If you like purple and it is a color that you would normal not shy away from, AND this is important to the bride, then I see not reason not to comply. It may not be your number one choice, but your wedding was for fulfilling your number one choices and this would not be where I, personally, would draw a battle line.</p>
<p>S1 got married to my wonderful DIL last year. I asked DIL what color she wanted me in, long/short etc…she told me to pick what I liked other than bridesmaids colors, black or brown.</p>
<p>Went shopping and found a lovely smokey blue dress with a jacket. </p>
<p>And so funny…</p>
<p>without talking, without planning, her mother bought a dress in the exact same color and fabric!!!</p>
<p>Mine was knee-length, her was long with more detail.</p>
<p>We were all very happy.</p>
<p>And the only thing that really mattered was the bride was radiantly beautiful, my son was breathtakingly handsome, the wedding and the venue exceeded all expectations, and they are living very happily ever after.</p>
<p>If it were me, I’d probably call her to discuss. She may be relaying this information on behalf of the bride who may have very particular ideas about what she wants, in terms of the overall aesthetics for photos, etc. </p>
<p>I certainly agree with all the other posters and especially you, in not wanting to go with the same dark purple. But I would want to discuss before I went shopping to understand the backdrop and to share my intentions ahead of time. </p>
<p>Quite honestly, if my son was marrying a girl to whom my dress color was really THAT important, I’d try to honor it–or if truly not possible, at least try tocome close, lavender, for example. </p>
<p>It is true that the colors should coordinate to some degree because strong clashes actually don’t look so great in the photo (I know because I made that mistake once and wore a beautiful coppery color dress to a “Plum” wedding! Luckily, I was just an aunt, so was only in one official photo! It did look pretty bad :)) </p>
<p>Although I haven’t planned any weddings, I’ve been to many and was aware of much of the planning in some. I’ve NEVER heard of a mother of the groom being told which color she MUSTwear…only that she was informed of the other choices, ie bridesmaids and MOB so she could then choose accordingly. I’m betting the bride is the one who’s calling the shots on this one and is having her mom communicate the request so she doesn’t have to! </p>
<p>This is priceless (from the “Prom Dress Line” article above):
Yes, do be sure to ask Dear Old Mom for a little input on what she herself is going to wear. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Sheesh. Something’s off here - I’d NEVER have considered telling my Mom or MIL what to wear. Where is the respect for the 50-something grown-up who diapered these kids? collegeshopping, you’re a much nicer person than I am. You’re right - I guess I wouldn’t want to destroy the mental image a bride has painted for herself over decades. But brother am I glad that my d is not one of those brides.</p>
<p>dg505, I don’t envy your dilemma. MOB seems pushy here, but it may be that she’s just communicating what the bride wants. Of course you want to figure out a way to maintain cordiality. Great advice above. My d will be getting married next month, and the MOG has been bending over backwards to let me pick first, ask what length dress we should wear, etc. I told her to wear whatever she wants - if we wind up with the same dress we’ll get some team pictures.</p>
<p>No advice here, this just reminded me of a friend who went to his sister’s wedding where the MOB and the step-MOB - who did NOT get along - arrived at the wedding in the same dress, slightly different color. YIKES!</p>
<p>That would be my guess. I think it’s a generational thing . As the MOG, I would be very annoyed (and think the whole thing is silly) but, OTOH, after I had time to think about it, I would probably go along with the bride’s request. It’s her day and any kind of conflict between her (or her mother) and you may cause undue stress for your son and also may be setting the stage for future family tension. IMHO, it’s not worth it.</p>
<p>All I’ve heard so far of wedding garb is kilts, corsets, and whether the groomswoman should wear a dress or tux. S and GF are pretty laid back, so I am crossing my fingers that noone turns into -zilla.</p>
<p>As a guy I think you get to choose what you wear. I would tell her nicely and if she did not understand I would use the go pound salt technique. I would still tell her nicely to pound salt.</p>
<p>I love wearing the color purple but I still felt my hackles raise at this request. What if it were mauve? I’d have to euphemize “over my dead body” somehow! </p>
<p>Seriously, I remember telling my bridesmaids to wear whatever they wanted and somehow they ended up in complimentary (but not matching!) colors and styles. My mother was the only one in bright colors, which always look good on her, so she looked pretty good!. She was the kind of woman who had the coloring and personality to look good in a bright yellow suit. </p>
<p>Now, I can notice her rather bright dress when I look at the big group photo. Before this discussion I mainly noticed the big 80’s hair on some people and my BIL’s large, exuberant mullet! Nothing ever is going to be perfectly perfect in a group wedding photo.</p>
<p>As much as I love clothes and care about my appearance, when I was MOG I wore exactly what was suggested to me: not my style and not my color It did work well for the photos.</p>
<p>I wore something wonderful to the rehearsal dinner. :)</p>
<p>And I’m determined to make my DIL’s Mom my new BFF. After all, we are going to be sharing grandchildren and I want my fair share. :)</p>
<p>BTW my own MIL wore white to my wedding, so I was pretty sympathetic to trying to control the dress color selection</p>
<p>The mothers are supposed to pick their own dresses, although old school tradition calls for mother of bride to get first pick and then call to give the MOG ( mother of groom) a kind of heads up terms of general style and formality. The mothers are not considered part of the bridal party in any event and do NOT need to match or coordinate with the wedding party. </p>
<p>But you might find yourself in an awkward place. I’d discuss with the bride (who may just be uninformed that the wedding party does not traditionally extend to the mothers ) and to find out how much she really cares. If she doesn’t go off the deep end, you can assure her that you will certainly take the description of her mom’s dress into account. I do think you are entitled to choose something that you like and that flatters you, but it’s also important to start things off on the right note with a future DIL. Good luck!</p>
<p>I was already for “boring beige”. I had found a nice dress and jacket on sale in my size. Then I saw the rest of the wedding party and promptly went out and got same dress in navy blue. It turns out the rest were in a brown/ black palette, except for the Bride’s slightly off white dress. Beige would have been competing with her. When I asked they had said to wear what ever color i wanted. I decided “except beige.”</p>
It did work well for the photos.</p>
:)</p>