<p>For me it would depend on how I felt about the MOB style quotient or let her get her dress first if you don’t know her well. If I “trusted” her I might try to comply in some way…Dark purple or eggpplant is not a “color” I like, but a shawl, a jacket or some part of the color palette to comply in some way. Purple is a nice accent but too much, not so great. If the MOB was completely devoid of style sense I’d probably ignore her. I’m not too much about matchy/matchy either.</p>
<p>Dittoing Roshke</p>
<p>I think I’d ask my son what’s up with the color choice and when he says he has no idea, I’d have him ask his bride to be what’s going on (of course in a diplomatic manner). That way you find out where the color choice is coming from and why. With that information, you can decide how you communicate your decision to the mob. The thing is to avoid starting out on the wrong foot with your future DIL and family.</p>
<p>I don’t think I am overly nice, just being real. Weddings can fill with drama faster than a rain gauge during a huricane. So I guess I just put in the “is it worth it” column? For me it wouldn’t be. There have to be 1,000 of dresses in dark purple. It is not as if all choice is being taken way. And the OP does not normally object to that color to begin with. I am very much a “pick your battle person.” For me, this is just not a battle I would be willing to fight or even appear irritated about. The rehearsal dinner would be the appropriate time to shine in a dress of complete choice. (and the venue, and the food, and the band…) The last thing I would ever want is having my son call me and say…“Mom…really?”</p>
<p>Now with that said, I personally would never dictate dress style, color or anything else to the MOG in a wedding that my daughter may one day have. That is just me. It does not mean my child might get some crazy, lets all wear burnt orange to my wedding idea (I would kill her) but I would put it in context that it is HER wedding.</p>
<p>My MIL wore an ivory ball gown with a bow on the back to my wedding, at which I wore an ivory ball gown with a bow on the the back.</p>
<p>^Yikes!</p>
<p>10 char</p>
<p>My only beloved child is a son. If I am told by the bride, even if the word is transmitted by her mother, to wear a flour sack to the wedding, I will do so with a smile on my face.</p>
<p>I can see why some would be wanting color harmony for photos. But purples can clash too, so ya never know. Maybe a very subtle printed purple-ish? </p>
<p>I remember my MIL being anxious for my mother’s dress choice, so she could shop. My mom was very busy working, taking care of her parents, etc… it got a bit stressful. I can’t remember if mom picked hers first or if we just said “order what you want”.</p>
<p>^^oh, she must have been very embarrassed! (meaning zoosermom’s mil)</p>
<p>I remember my mother letting my future mother-in-law know the color of the dress she had bought, so that my mother-in-law would NOT pick the same color. I think they both thought it was a good idea to not wear the same color - although they ended up in very similar colors, very light pink for one and beige for the other. It wasn’t a big deal in any event. I certainly didn’t care - whatever they liked best!</p>
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<p>Ditto. :)</p>
<p>Seriously, I have given this a lot of thought since I am a DIL and I’ve watched my mom interact with her DILs (my brother’s wives). If you want to continue to have a good relationship with your son, it is so much easier if you can cultivate a good relationship with his wife. I think being a good MIL is an art form, and I intend to perfect it (without being walked all over). Letting the bride have her way on her wedding day is, IMO, a no-brainer.</p>
<p>Should’ve said you already have your dress. . .
I suppose I would ask if this is “required” and go along with it if it seemed really important to the bride/her mom.
Haven’t heard of this. I have 4 D’s (none married) and I’ll put this on my list of wedding “don’ts”–MOG can wear whatever she likes, as long as it isn’t a wedding dress.
Can’t remember what my mom/m-i-l wore to my wedding–never gave it a thought.</p>
<p>dg5052, I’ve been MOB twice and I would never have presumed to suggest, let alone instruct, the MOG as to what she should wear. In fact, I never discussed it with either MOG! I chose something to complement the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses and the color was shared via my D to her future MIL. In actuality, both times we had different styles altogether and, you know what? No one cared! It really doesn’t matter. Find a dress that you like, in a color that complements the color scheme, and that you’ll be comfy in. Congratulations and enjoy every minute of the day, it will fly by!</p>
<p>Well, at this point in my life I would wear what the bride suggested. Although I cannot in my wildest dreams think it would be all that important.
Clashing colors in a photograph? Really??
PS My MIL wore white to my wedding. My parents were both deceased at the time. My 6 sisters and I got quite a hoot out of it. Oedipus, anyone??</p>
<p>I have no idea what my mother or mothers-in-law wore to either of my weddings, nor did I care. I get very stressed about shopping for dresses for fancy affairs. I will be thrilled if my DIL takes me shopping and picks out the color and style she wants. My only caveat will be I don’t do cleavage. As long as she avoids that or gives me a jacket, she has free rein.</p>
<p>As a potential MOB, I would never tell the MOG what color or type of dress to wear. If she had good style or taste though, I might ask her to take me along and dress me too.</p>
<p>Mother of a son here. No way is anyone going to dictate to me what I wear to son’s wedding (relationship has improved since teen years, I’m likely to be welcomed). The bridesmaids have the option of not being in the bridal party, say if they don’t like/can’t afford the attire. I’m my son’s mother, no option there, and will wear what I like and feel comfortable in (eg no high heels)- something that suits my style (including body habitus- it’ll be years, maybe I’ll lose weight…) and coloring. Strong willed/stubborn x 3 in our branch of the family- anyone he marries will likely know enough to not expect compliance…</p>
<p>I have attended inlaw’s and H’s friends’ Indian events, including weddings, where I was in western attire (as was H) while most wore saris (often the men wear western attire when the ladies wear Indian). Many years ago, when his sister wasn’t in this country very long, she wore a western dress to our wedding as did an Indian aquaintance. Some of the older generation Indian natives wore saris.</p>
<p>Wear the color you like. Avoid purple- especially since your shade could be a “near match” that clashes or otherwise makes her dress look bad next to yours. As mother of the groom you don’t get to choose (or even have a vote in) the colors or other wedding plans, they don’t include you, you have no obligation to abide by their decisions. btw- are you going to tell her what to wear to the rehearsal dinner? That’s traditionally the groom’s family’s show.</p>
<p>I really didn’t much care what people wore to my wedding. It would never in a million years have occurred to me to tell my MIL or my mother what to wear. Sometimes it seems women today spend more time worrying about the wedding than about the marriage! Wedding pictures and the vision of your perfect day really pale next to working out a life-long commitment to another person. </p>
<p>If I were in the OP’s position, I’d try to find an appropriate dress in the requested color. A dress is just a dress, but people’s feelings, right or wrong, are forever.</p>
<p>I would tell her where to go. There is no reason why you should wear a color picked out by either the bride or her mom. Even the mention of this raises serious red flags and boundary issues. I would first find out what reason there is for being so controlling, and then I would get my son to a marriage and family therapist to make sure that marrying this girl is actually a good idea.</p>
<p>Under no circumstances allow this woman to control you now or you are in for many years of being pushed around once children are involved in this marriage.</p>
<p>My S’s MIL followed etiquette books with a dash of her own innate kindness. It worked out comfortably for me. She followed her daughter’s guidance to buy “anything but plum” which was the bridesmaid’s signature color. She chose dusty rose, which was compatible with plum but not plum. </p>
<p>THEN, instead of telling me what to do, she wrote to me a happy email, delighting in her own choice. She was gracious enough to send me a picture so I could make note of any stylistic features I wished. She mentioned her D’s admonition to HER, “anything but plum” so I avoided that error myself. </p>
<p>Following my Etiquette Book, I had delayed buying anything until I heard from her regarding her purchase. My understanding from the book is as MOG I should find “a color and style compatible but not identical to MOB” after MOB purchases hers. </p>
<p>Soon after receiving that email, I readily found a dusty rose dress I enjoy. It was a bit paler than her dusty rose, but still dusty and rosey.
Amazingly, although the Moms wore slightly different dress lengths, and my dust was dustier than her dust, the newlyweds are thriving.</p>
<p>Paying3tuitions, what made that work so smoothly is that everyone cooperated happily.</p>
<p>I’ve been married twenty years and I still think it is annoying when I see the wedding photos that my mother chose to wear a hot pink dress at my navy-and-white wedding.</p>
<p>My mother-in-law wore something appropriate and we still get along well…she is just a more thoughtful person.</p>