<p>deb922, what a nice idea!</p>
<p>Agreed, usually something consumable. If I’m spending a couple of days, I’ll bring breakfast things…a selection of jellies, pancake mix, maple syrup. If I bring wine, I do not expect it to be used while I’m there. It also depends on whether I’m driving or flying. On a recent trip, I flew…so my thank you was a dinner out for the hostess.</p>
<p>deb922, your hostess gift sounds perfect - very thoughtful and personal. I’m with the consensus on your first post: a thank you note is appropriate because it is your first meeting, a check in whatever amount you wish is fine, and the tray sounds lovely. You get a big thumbs up, etiquette-wise from this crowd!</p>
<p>Thank you note: I’d opt for the written note–the recipients will remember it–mostly because it doesn’t happen that often. Most people say thank you as they’re leaving a dinner party and some send emails, but a handwritten note isn’t all that common. </p>
<p>Fundraiser: Any amount you care to donate is fine for the fundraiser. I’ve hosted numerous political fundraisers and no one really cares who is there–you don’t want an empty room, but showing up is less important than giving a donation. Usually, the candidate’s fundraising committee sets a goal for each fundraiser so any amount you give is great because it helps meet that goal. Send the check to the person who is hosting the party–that way he/she will get credit for it. Don’t just send it to the campaign.</p>
<p>Wedding: I think the tray is perfect for this wedding. </p>
<p>The problem with second marriage or people who are older is they have almost everything they need already, especially if they are combining two households. I wouldn’t even know what to get them.</p>
<p>I love beautiful stationery but when it comes to thank you notes for dinner parties I actually prefer to receive emails over handwritten notes because (1) they arrive immediately after the party; (2) they are usually chattier and feel more like genuine expressions of enthusiasm ( whereas handwritten notes feel more compelled by good manners); and (3) I can prolong the discussion in email with follow-up solicitations for more praise 
(“Oh I’m so glad you had fun! What did you think of the cassoulet? It was the first time I’ve made it …” Etc.). I work really hard at my dinner parties and I like to talk about them afterward!</p>
<p>Ditto. I also prefer emails because I feel it is more personal.</p>
<p>I send thank-you emails, but prefer handwritten notes because I love beautiful stationery too and thank-you notes are one of the few times I get to use my stationery. I have never had anyone continue a discussion after a thank-you email, nottelling. Do you think a hand-written note is less sincere since it’s “compelled by good manners”? I generally try to write something chatty/informal and always mention some part of the meal that I thought was special. </p>