Even worse than Barbra with the "F" word, Richards says "N" word

Parent Cafe
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<p>NSM, all of those incidents are just awful. I’m sorry to hear that your sons went thru that, but it sounds like they had the confidence to stand up to those people!</p>

<p>Your story reminded me of when my son was 9 years old and his best friend was a Black boy. This boy was homeschooled also and we used to go to their house so the boys could play. While we were struggling to make ends meet and live in a very small house, this family had a huge, nice house and drove a Mercedes. I was embarassed for them to come to our house! </p>

<p>I commend you for recognizing that some of these people truly are battling those ‘residual’ feelings (like your friend who battled feeling of revulsion when he hugged his Black friends). They cannot be blamed for having residual feelings because of the way they were raised - they CAN be blamed for not taking steps to eradicate those residual feelings. That your friend understood that they were residual feelings and is making a point to change his behaviors (by hugging Black people) is to his credit.</p>

<p>Speaking of hugging, here is an aside: My hubby is a martial arts instructor and one of his black belts is a black guy. Every time we have a social function, he always gives me a great big hug. He’s a great hugger!</p>

<p>I find the whole Michael Richards thing despicable. You are right - he seemed to care more about his image than he did about the people he offended. </p>

<p>When I was a kid, there were very few black people in our small town, but there were many Hispanics. When I was in 7th grade, my new best friend, who came from a wealthy, prejudiced family, told me to not ever date any Hispanic boys (there weren’t any Black boys to date, but if there had been any, that would have been a given) because then ‘No white guy will ever want you.’</p>

<p>The white girls who dated Hispanics had reputations of being ‘slutty’ just because they dated Hispanics. The Hispanic boys all had the reputation of being stupid and of a criminal element.</p>

<p>Well, when we were in 8th grade we went to the movies and met 2 Hispanic boys, and ended up making out with them during the whole movie!</p>

<p>My socialite friend didn’t want to admit to this incident years later. I think it was an effort on her part to rebel against her parents.</p>

<p>She is the one who asked if my hubby was Hispanic. It was obviously a really big deal to her, to come to terms with her own feelings, after having been raised in such a way.</p>

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<p>There was this episode of ‘Malcolm in the Middle’ in which the main character, a middle-class white guy, was invited to a night out with the boys playing poker at his best friend’s house. All evening, he felt uncomfortable, and they made it look like it was because he was the only white guy among all those black men. Finally, he burst out his feelings, and said ‘I’m the only one here who isn’t…who isn’t…’ and they really played that up for awhile, and the black men were just waiting for him to finish, and then he said ‘who is not professional!’</p>

<p>It was great. The black men assured him that they still accepted him even though he was not a doctor or lawyer, and they all hugged and were the best of friends.</p>

<p>In another episode, his teenage son was totally smitten by a black girl, and referred to her as an ‘African goddess.’ </p>

<p>This show was a major hit show, and I always thought it was great that they did their part to eradicate prejudice and stereotypes. I only watched it for awhile but was impressed.</p>

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<p>No I was saying that’s how some people view it. </p>

<p>Every time one of these incidents happens I always hear that the person “isn’t racist.” What is racist then? Apparently nothing, if something like this isn’t.</p>

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<p>Oh. Thanks for the explanation. I saw Richards say ‘the funny thing is, I’m not a racist.’ Yeah, right. Having to struggle with eradicating residual patterns of thinking is one thing, but for all of that venom to come out…nah, the guy’s a racist!</p>

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I was one of those who initially assumed the guy wasn’t racist in the KKK fashion because I thought he was provoked and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I do not think even a provocation justifies that sort of rant, but it could explain it, since many of us would, I think, respond similarly given the right circumstances. In fact, when I view the video of the incident, I can clearly hear what seems to be a black guy striking back with racial comments such as “cracka”, etc. It is understandable.</p>

<p>But Richards seems to be an old boy racist, and is even accused of making [awful</a> comments about Jews](<a href=“Breaking News - Headlines & Top Stories | The Star”>Breaking News - Headlines & Top Stories | The Star). So, it seems confrmed that the guy really is a stinker.</p>

<p>I think we blacks probably too often throw around the term “racist” when things happen to us. After all, even white folks get into arguments among themselves. Also, it could easily be something else about us that turns certain folk off, and not race. So, maybe we ought to try hard to determine what is going on before we fly off at the racist angle. But, and it is a very huge but, it is a pretty doggone hard thing to do when you have lived a life where clearly racist stuff has happened to you with even a little frequency. All those things that NSM talked about have happened to me, and in every city wherein I have lived.</p>

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<p>That’s really a sad thing that it’s still so prevalent.</p>

<p>But, I still contend that it’s getting better. Here I was worried that the girl my son dated would think he was dumping her because of race, and yet that possibility didn’t even enter into either of their minds.</p>

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<p>I agree you can differentiate between KKK type racism to some extent. There are people actively trying to thwart black society or bring about a rise of white supremacy…is Richards trying to do that actively? No, I doubt it, I mean with the area/society/whatever he’s living in, that would be unrealistic to assume. </p>

<p>However I think there are people who still think white society is somehow better. And as far as I can see, it’s because they look at black society today and are missing the causation vs correlation distinction. If that makes any sense. Today, I would argue that we are STILL seeing the residual effects of segregation. In terms of history, it simply has not been long enough to say “that’s over.” It’s just not. Like I said earlier, there are still people alive, and not even THAT old, that were denied the high school education owed to them by the state because of their color. So of course they are disadvantaged, and so are their children because when your parent has done something you’re at an advantage because they can help you through that, etc. But some people, and I now am guessing Richards is one of them, see inner cities, or see this or that, and they think there’s some fundamental problem in black society creating these things. </p>

<p>Yes someone else shot back a racial comment. And that was provoked. And it’s not right, but would that person have said it if Richards didn’t say the N word five times right before? Probably not, so I understand your point there. The original comment though, was “you’re not funny” not “you’re not funny -------”, right? The appropriate reaction to “you’re not funny”, from a balanced person of any race to another person of any race, might be something like “haha well you’re not so funny yourself”. What came out of his mouth…that’s just not something most people would say. To respond in that fashion, you really need some help of some kind. It’s not healthy. That was very violent and deeply disturbing to me. He was out of control. And if you lose control to that extent, something is wrong. I was also kind of disturbed that people laughed at the fork comment. I really hope they were just nervous and couldn’t help it. Because that wasn’t funny.</p>

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<p>“But, I still contend that it’s getting better. Here I was worried that the girl my son dated would think he was dumping her because of race, and yet that possibility didn’t even enter into either of their minds.”</p>

<p>I definitely agree that things are getting better. Heck, 50 years ago, Richards may have been paid to make the kind of racist comments that he did, and blacks may not have been allowed to be there except to wait on the tables and wash the floors.</p>

<p>Just to show how far we’ve come, The Journal of Blacks in Higher Education runs each month things like cartoons showing how blacks used to be regarded in the U.S. A recent issue showed a postcard that had been sent in about 1920 from Fla. to Upstate N.Y. On the front was a photograph of a black man who was hanging from a tree after a lynching. On the other side, the sender had written a regular “wish you were here” message.</p>

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It makes perfect sense. People are generally unwilling to do a lot of work unless it is required of them, and it takes a lot of work to see the causes behind the problems affecting blacks – unless one happens to be black. History is vast, and so is the human mind.</p>

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Yeah, that is certainly part of it, but it is so much bigger than this. Racism is everywhere. It is all around us, even now on this very forum. You can see it when you look out your window, or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth. What truth? If you are white, that you are no better than the next poor slob on his way to the dust. If you are black, that you are not a slave. And it begins to blind us even as infants. By the time children reach the ages of four or five, the damage is nearly complete. For whites, it gives confidence and supports happiness. For blacks it causes insecurity and self-doubt. It opens a black kid’s heart and guts it of the thing that helps kids naturally achieve difficult goals.</p>

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Well now, I am not really so sure about this. It seems to me this depends on the circumstances and on how one perceives the comment “You’re not funny”. When said to me, the comment will probably be nothing at all. Shoot, I may even agree that its true. But when said to a professional comic who is quite a bit down on his luck, it could be taken as something akin to an attempt at murder. If so, then this sort of an explosion is perhaps what one might expect. I am not defending such a thing in any context, but hey, c’mon, if you are really REALLY desperate, and race is the one thing you know is gonna relieve your pain, you are likely to go there because history has infused race with a lot of power. Had history done the same thing against blonds, and not race, we would all be running around here talking against “Hair Colorists” LOL. Get it? Racists? Hair Colorists? <strong>uh…ahem</strong></p>

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But maybe most would be thinking it, which is pretty much the same thing, right?</p>

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<p>Dross, to your last statement ‘most people would think’ I disagree. I know I’ve never thought those thoughts and I know I wouldn’t. And I can say the same for my husband and son, and probably for a number of close friends as well.</p>

<p>“For whites, it gives confidence and supports happiness. For blacks it causes insecurity and self-doubt. It opens a black kid’s heart and guts it of the thing that helps kids naturally achieve difficult goals.”</p>

<p>I think this is oversimplification. People are cruel to other people for a variety of reasons. I told you about my case, in which I experienced the exact same thing you describe above, and I am a white, blonde girl who was cute as a child. Yet I experienced horrible self-esteem problems, horrible, heart-wrenching ridicule. I can honestly say that my heart was ‘gutted’ in a very deep way over a number of years.</p>

<p>It is inaccurate to assume that whites ‘have it made’ or that life is somehow easy for them. Sure, we haven’t had to deal with the racism that you have. And I would never say that what we’ve had to deal with is the same as what blacks have had to deal with, any more than a rich person’s problems are as bad as a poor person’s. In the area of financial security, wealthy people always have the advantage. They may have other, even worse problems than the poor person, but at least they don’t have money problems on top of everything else like the poor person. It is the same with white vs black. So yeah, at least the white person doesn’t have to worry about racism. But, the white person may still experience ridicule and ostracism, whether it’s for being short like in my case, for being poor, for being obese, for having zits, whatever. For example, the exact same study you described earlier (a black person trying an experiment of trying to get a job or apartment and being turned down, but then the white person is told yes) has been proven with obese people and people considered ‘ugly’ as well. I saw some show on tv in which they told of such an experiment. </p>

<p>It’s all ostracism and it’s all the same - it just takes many forms and there are different degrees of it.</p>

<p>I think a step towards healing is for ALL of us to have compassion for such pain, WHEREVER and to whatever degree it is found.</p>

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I do not doubt any of this, and I agree that the same sort of difficulties experienced by blacks can be experienced by whites. But there is a more significant point here that I think you are missing. The difficulties to which I am referring come to blacks because of ethnicity, so that when a black guy sees another black guy, he automatically knows what that guy has endured. These difficulties have a general affect on the whole racial group so that the group is suppressed over time and across many generations. Sadly, when black kids see the result of it, they receive it as an undeniable commentary on their own worth, one not limited merely to their own personal worth, as was your case, but one that covers the worth of the entire group in which they find themselves. The group identity itself becomes defined by inferiority. [And</a> the effect is devastating.](<a href=“http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1091431409617440489]And”>http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1091431409617440489) So, while I really do appreciate your difficulties, and the difficulties of other whites, I don’t really think they are the same as those faced generally by blacks.</p>

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<p>Drossel, maybe you missed this part of what I said:</p>

<p>“And I would never say that what we’ve had to deal with is the same as what blacks have had to deal with,”</p>

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<p>This is an old topic. Back in the 1880’s a cowboy was telling a joke to a muleskinner. “There were these two muleskinners–” </p>

<p>“Now wait just a minute!” the muleskinner said. “Why do all the jokes have to be about muleskinners? Why can’t we have a joke about cowboys? Or sheep ranchers? Or railroad men? Or lumberjacks? Or farmers?”</p>

<p>“Fine,” said the cowboy. “There were these two lumberjacks…” The muleskinner breathed a sigh of relief. “There were these two lumberjacks, and they were skinning a mule…”</p>

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<p>You’re joking, right TourGuide?</p>

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<p>What a joke Richard’s apology was. I don’t care if I was on the strongest medication known to man or the highest alcohol level ever recorded, I would never spout the racist verbage that he did. I might tell certain family members exactly what I think of them but if racism is not in your heart no amount of anger or drugs/alcohol will bring about this kind of emotional outburst. I do not believe that people spout this stuff unless they truly believe it. He is a racist, an angry man and someone I do NOT want to see “entertaining” on television and/or in any venue IMO.</p>

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<p>Poet, the point of the joke is that you can impose restrictions on what people SAY, but that has little or no effect on what they will be THINKING.</p>

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<p>“These difficulties have a general affect on the whole racial group so that the group is suppressed over time and across many generations. Sadly, when black kids see the result of it, they receive it as an undeniable commentary on their own worth, one not limited merely to their own personal worth, as was your case, but one that covers the worth of the entire group in which they find themselves. The group identity itself becomes defined by inferiority.”</p>

<p>See my above post, in which I said that it is not the same, just like a wealthy person, regardless of his/her troubles, will NEVER understand what it’s like to be poor.</p>

<p>I once got into a heated debate with a friend who kept insisting that rich people suffer just as much as poor people. I said, huh? Sure, maybe SOME rich people have worse problems overall, but poor people often have the very same problems (like relationship problems, health problems, etc.) but then they have financial worries on TOP of all the other problems. Rich people simply have MORE OPTIONS, no matter how you slice it.</p>

<p>It’s the same with race. White people have MORE OPTIONS, and will never understand what it’s like to be black, no matter what their other problems.</p>

<p>Having said that, and basically agreeing with you Drossel, I would have to say also that poverty is probably the only thing I can think of that could possibly come close to comparing.</p>

<p>Not that there is any point to comparing, but poverty can also affect people for generations. Think about it: A family that stays poor for generations, and continues to tell their kids ‘You are poor and you will always be poor’ imposes a certain stigma on those kids. Those kids grow up with an inferiority complex that is similar in some ways to the racial issue. I know because I grew up being told that. I am now 46 and TO THIS DAY whenever I get a catalog of expensive things in the mail, my first thought is ‘Only rich people can get those things.’</p>

<p>It is a subconscious thing, and it is extremely deeply ingrained. It took enormous effort just to reach middle-class, and the idea of ever being wealthy seems unattainable to me.</p>

<p>Fact is, a wealthy black has more options and power than a poor white. Poor whites are called nasty names like ‘white trash’ and viewed with much the same venom as are blacks, by bigoted people.</p>

<p>Now, before you reply, here’s the thing: minorities are more often poor. Yes, there are many, MANY poor whites too, but it is more common for minorities to be poor. So, people who are both black AND poor have a DOUBLE WHAMMY.</p>

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<p>I too heard a lot of “it’s only for the rich” growing up. The good news about those catalogs with all the expensive crap in them is that possessing that sort of junk apparently has about zero effect on one’s happiness. I recall one happiness researcher saying that if you showed him 2 people, and pointed out that one was paralyzed in a car accident a year ago, and the other won $10 million in a lottery a year ago, you would have told him NOTHING that would allow him to accurately guess what each person’s happiness level was. It’s no coincidence that virtually every reputable religion and philosophy has disdain for focusing on material possessions. </p>

<p>Read Schopenhauer’s essay “On Happiness” and Pascal’s “Pensees” for great discussions of the reasons the rich and pampered are as miserable as everybody else.</p>

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Yes, that, and the fact it is possible for one to escape poverty. One cannot escape skin color, the King of Pop notwithstanding.</p>

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<p>“One cannot escape skin color, the King of Pop notwithstanding.”</p>

<p>LOL! Ain’t that the truth. As someone once said of MJ, “Only in America can a black boy grow up to be a white woman!”</p>