Even worse than Barbra with the "F" word, Richards says "N" word

Drosselmeier · November 23, 2006, 9:15am

Well, you did probably hear “the word ten jillion times growing up, even from teachers”. That’s a lot of times, showing the prevalence of it. Maybe I am wrong. But I don’t think so.

conyat · November 23, 2006, 9:45am

Most of the people I heard that word from are dead now. It’s true that it was prevalent in their day, but today, I don’t know. No one I know today who is white uses that word, even in private, (but of course I don’t hang around with the likes of Sen. Allen, Bob Jones, etc. )

This isn’t to say that racism doesn’t still exist. After my second wedding, a few of the people in my church were offended that I invited my black co-workers to the ceremony and reception, both of which were held on church grounds. Although their views were definitely not supported by most of the congregation or the church leadership, these were long-time members, so I chose just to bow out of the congregation.

But I just think it’s a stretch to say that the N-word lurks in everyone.

collegialmom · November 23, 2006, 11:04am

Please correct above: Michael Richards is NOT Jewish.
See below, from JewishJournal.com

2006-11-21
Michael Richards: Not a Jew

From Staff Reports

Michael Richards is not a Jew.

As Cosmo Kramer in “Seinfeld,” Richards played one on TV. But he himself is not Jewish – not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Richards lashed out a heckler at the Laugh Factory last Friday, spitting out the “N” word without humor and with abandon. Audience members booed, several walked out, then Richards himself walked off stage.

The incident was caught on a cellphone camera and posted at the TMZ.com Web site, where it ignited a firestorm of criticism against Richards. Richards apologized on “The Late Show With David Letterman” Monday night. “I was at a comedy club trying to do my act, and I got heckled, and I took it badly and went into a rage,” he said. “For me to be in a comedy club and flip out and say this crap, I’m deeply, deeply sorry. I’m not a racist. That’s what’s so insane about this.”

Fellow comedians and fans have been quick to criticize Richards – and misrepresent his religious background. Comedian Paul Rodriquez held a press conference at the Laugh Factory, saying that Richards should know better, because the Hollywood community defended Jews against actor Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitic tirades.

The implication was that Richards, a Jew, should not be launching racist attacks. He shouldn’t, but he also isn’t Jewish.

“Someone needs to tell Rodriquez that Michael isn’t a Jew,” said a television director who has known Richards for years. The two worked together in 1980 on ABC’s “Fridays” television show and have remained in touch ever since.

According to sources familiar with Richards, the actor was raised Catholic. A biography of him on the Wikipedia web site lists no religion, but does say Richards is very involved in the Masons.

“Seinfeld” was Richards’ first big break after a long and unlikely rise to stardom.

According to Wikipedia, Richards was born in Culver City to William Richards, an electrical engineer, and Phyllis (nee Nardozzi), a medical records librarian. "Richards attended California Institute of the Arts but received a bachelor’s degree in drama from Evergreen State College in 1975.

He was drafted during the Vietnam War and stationed in Germany, as one of the co-directors of the V Corps Training Road Show. He produced and directed shows dealing with race relations and drug abuse. He then spent two years in the Army developing educational skits and a couple more years ‘finding himself’ at a commune in the Santa Clara Mountains. He drove a bus and developed a stand-up comedy act in 1979,” according to the Web site.

In “Seinfeld,” which aired from 1989-1998, Richards played Kramer, a character based on show co-creator Larry David’s former across-the-hall neighbor, Kenny Kramer. The real Kramer is indeed of Jewish heritage – not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Richards did appear Sep. 14 at the Laugh Factory’s evening of Jewish comics, called, “The King Davids of Comedy.” However, the management made it clear at the time that Richards and the other major comic at the event, Louis CK, were not part of that evening’s themed show, and that no photography would be permitted during their sets.

Following Richard’s racist remarks, Laugh Factory owner Jamie Masada posted this message on the company’s Web site: "We do not support or condone the inappropriate, hurtful and offensive comments that Mr. Richards made on Friday night at the Laugh Factory.

"Mr. Richards was scheduled to appear on Saturday night and had informed management of his intention to apologize for his hurtful and unprofessional outburst from the previous night. He failed to do so and disappointed us.

“We have made it clear that Mr. Richards is no longer welcomed here. The Laugh Factory is a comedy club not a forum for personal attacks.”

Laugh Factory owner Masada is Jewish.

Confusion over Richards’ heritage grew after the Anti-Defamation League issued a press release Monday denouncing the actor’s tirade.

“Richards’ repeated use of the ‘n-word’ and apparent reference to lynching is offensive in any context. There is no excuse for such insensitive and bigoted language. It has no place in a comedy club and no place in America and must be clearly repudiated,” the release said.

“We hope Mr. Richards will now take a public stand against appeals to racism and bigotry and publicly apologize for his poor judgment in shouting them from the stage.”

The release did not address Richard’s own religion. In the past, the ADL has regularly taken public stances against instances of racism unrelated to anti-Semitism.

lealdragon · November 23, 2006, 4:15pm

“christians should understand this weakness leads to the worst behavior, this panic to belong . I wish we could dispense with historical identites and just know ourselves from within. I thought the american project was somewhat to obliterate tribal identity.”

Well said! I tried to make this very point in a dialog with golani. I pointed out that ANY elitist, whether it is based on race, religion, or whatever, is still the same thing: bigotry.

lealdragon · November 23, 2006, 4:42pm

Dross, thanks so much for sharing with us the atrocities that you have experienced. That is just horrible! I now understand why you made the statements that you did. At the time, I did not know your ethnicity so thought you might have been a white implying that ALL whites are secretly racist. Now I understand that you have a very good reason to make the comments that you did.

I am APPALLED that those kids were actually shooting a gun in your direction! I think that was a good reason to call the cops!

I honestly do not know, and I don’t think there is any way to know, what percentage of Americans are harboring leftover racist tendencies. But I can only speak for myself. As conyat did. Conyat made the very good point that when a black person robbed him and had a knife at his face (how horrible to go thru that! glad you survived it, conyat!) that would have been the time for any racist tendencies to come out. But, they didn’t. What conyat saw was an act of violence. The race of the person did not matter. It could have been a white person and conyat would not have felt any differently towards the attacker.

I am the same as conyat. I can honestly say that NEVER in my life have I ever thought any racist thoughts. My parents were strict Catholics, and they did have some prejudices - but their prejudices were directed at non-Catholics and against ‘rich’ people. Race simply was not an issue. Maybe I have had the advantage of not ever having to ‘get over’ any seeds of racism planted in me - they just weren’t there! But I DID have to get over their other prejudices - I ended up rejecting Catholicism, but I still do struggle with a tendency to judge wealthy people, and that is still a prejudice. I readily admit it and I am working to eliminate it. Maybe if I am ever rich someday only then will it be truly gone. So you see, prejudice is not only about race.

There weren’t very many blacks in my hometown, but there was a huge divide between whites and Hispanics. Well, I married a Hispanic! Our son is multi-racial - he is half Hispanic and the other half is made up of German, Irish, Scots, and Cherokee. He can pass for totally white. He has dated a black girl. I told him that he should marry either a black girl or an Asian girl, and then his kids will really be mixed up! (I secretly hope he does, because I think multi-racial children are absolutely beautiful!)

My dad got disowned by his German parents for marrying an Irish girl. The parents didn’t even know about the Cherokee part. They were just prejudiced against any non-Germans and any non-Catholics. (she did convert to Catholicism to try to please them but it wasn’t good enough since she couldn’t change her Irish heritage.)

That was 60 years ago. You must admit that things HAVE improved. Very few people, even the ones who are racist against the races of color, ever question whether someone is German or Irish, as long as they are white. That was the first to go. Then came the eradication of concern about color, and we have come a long way towards that. A couple of years ago there was a cover story in Time or Newsweek (forgot which) about the increasingly mixed ethnicity of Americans. I don’t remember the statistics, but the numbers are increasing at rapid rates. The article said something about in a few more generations, MOST Americans are likely to be composites, so that the MAJORITY will be a light-brown color and so ethnically mixed up that it will be of no concern at all.

I think this is a wonderful thing! I would like to see the same thing happen with religion.

Anyway, I do not in any way intend to demean your experiences. They WERE horrible! I am wondering where this took place. Have you lived in very many different parts of the country? It would be interesting to see if you got the same response elsewhere. I know that some areas have more vestiges of racism than others. Usually the big cities are less racist; at least that has been my observation, as someone who grew up in a small town but moved to a large city. In the small town, when I was in school, the Hispanics and Blacks just did not mix with the whites. They just didn’t. Now, in San Antonio, where the population is more than half Hispanic, everyone works together (and the Blacks too) and it’s really no big deal. There are just so many people who are half white/half Hispanic, and even a good number of half-Blacks, too, that most people don’t think anything of it at all. Maybe some of the older, wealthy families are still prejudiced, but maybe that’s my ‘rich people’ prejudice to even think that thought.

Also, I think with each new generation, more progress is made. I know that my son’s friends are not prejudiced in the least! Not towards any race, and not towards gays either. His best friend is a lesbian, and he has other people who are of various races. It’s just not an issue. But then, he was homeschooled, so that may be a factor as well. I do still see Black kids in groups, and I wonder why they aren’t more mixed. We took a tour at a local state university a few weeks ago, and I commented on a table in the cafeteria that had all Asians. My son found it really sad to see that segregation even in a college. But, the question is, is that segregation self-imposed? My son seemed to think so. He said they seemed to keep to themselves, and if they were more interested in being friends with whites, then the whites would accept them readily. My son may be naive. We’ll see when he actually is at college what his observations are.

At any rate, I do think we are making progress. It make take a few more generations to fully eradicate such primitive ideas as racism.

Here’s something positive to think about: Barak Obama! What does that say? Even 10 years ago, the idea of a woman or a Black running for president was out of the question. And now, the 2 top contenders are a woman and someone who is half Black. This is progress! Isn’t it awesome!

Obama has my vote and I will campaign vigorously for him. Not because he his half Black - I don’t give a damn what his ethnicity is. But because he has fire and vision and integrity. He is the best person for the job. The US needs someone like Obama. I sincerely hope he wins. The fact that he is half Black is an added bonus!

Best wishes to you, Dross, and I hope that you start encountering more whites who are NOT prejudiced than you do those who are.

btw, have you seen The Secret? There is a part in the movie that I think could be applied to anyone who has experienced prejudice of any sort. Actually, not just about prejudice, but how, once we have experienced a bad thing such as prejudice, it plants a seed of expectation in our minds. It can happen to all of us regarding anything, including health, prosperity, whatever. I found it to be very inspiring and when I started applying the principles, I found them to work. I have a long way to go, though. But anyway, here it is, in case you are interested:

<a href=“https://shop.thesecret.tv/AccountLogin.php?PURL=aHR0cHM6Ly9zaG9wLnRoZXNlY3JldC50di9TaG9wcy9DaGVja291dC9pbmRleC5waHA%3D[/url]”>https://shop.thesecret.tv/AccountLogin.php?PURL=aHR0cHM6Ly9zaG9wLnRoZXNlY3JldC50di9TaG9wcy9DaGVja291dC9pbmRleC5waHA%3D</a>

ucsd_ucla_dad · November 23, 2006, 8:48pm

^^ Maybe Condie Rice will run someday and we can get both in the same package.

lealdragon · November 23, 2006, 9:24pm

Ugh. What a shame. That would be perfect if she were an acceptable candidate. But no, I’ll pass.

I don’t want someone just because they are Black/female/whatever. As I said, Obama is actually the best candidate, imo. His ethnicity is just a bonus, not a main factor.

ucsd_ucla_dad · November 23, 2006, 10:08pm

Well, the good news is that there are AfAms and females who appeal to both parties.

lealdragon · November 23, 2006, 10:24pm

I think that’s why Obama is such a great candidate (among many other reasons) -he has appeal to both parties. Whereas, so many people hate Hillary. I’ve never understood the reason why, but they do. We need someone who can unite us, not further divide us. Obama would be fresh, a new start, whereas both Hillary and Condie would be too polarizing.

Drosselmeier · November 24, 2006, 12:20pm

Lealdragon:

I am not exactly saying that all whites are racist. I guess I am making a distinction between the guy who feels angry toward “those people” because “they get too much special treatment, too much AA, cause too much crime, etc.” and the KKK/Neo Nazi guy who tries to turn the opinion of whites toward having a race war. The first guy may harbor a smoldering sense of anger that can be bent somewhat. When he sees Colin Powell and Condie Rice, for example, he may feel better about himself because he senses a genuine desire to support to these black folks, proving to himself that he is open-minded and generally a good person. The second guy detests blacks on principle, and so it does not matter to him how self-sufficient or great a black guy is. The second guy is plainly a racist, and so we need not discuss him. The first guy is a racist, I guess, but I am not sure he is any more racist than the rest of us-- you, conyat, and momof2inca excepted. I am just trying to be honest. I think he is a lot like me. When I survey the many experiences I have had with whites growing up in the South, I find I do struggle with this issue. I was very poor. So this may have been a factor. Other, wealthier Southern blacks may have had a better time of it. I don’t know. The point is, I suspect that when whites see the images of blacks commonly served up in our media, when they see the news, hear about Affirmative Action, see Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and their protests, when they see OJ, or some poor black neighborhood, or hear the gangsta rap, in short, when they meet with, even if only vicariously, behaviors in blacks that they dislike, I think they interpret it essentially as a form of terrorism. And to protect themselves, they probably ascribe the behavior generally to “those folks” in the same way I am struggling to avoid with regard to whites. When I heard that Richard’s guy saying that stuff, I wasn’t really shocked or surprised at all. In fact, I wasn’t even hurt by it. It seems all it did was make clear to me what I have always known. It just supported my prejudices.

Perhaps I am being unfair. I have some seriously wonderful white folks attached to me who are really and truly my folks. And I think it is unfair of me to harbor these sorts of prejudices generally against whites when I possibly would feel uncomfortable having my white friends and relatives feel similar prejudices against blacks. Both they and I probably feel justified in our views, and yet I can be excused for them because of slavery and Jim Crow, but they can’t. I am gonna think very hard on this tonight and come to some conclusion about it because I genuinely love these people and do not wish to enjoy freedoms that I would not extend to them.

You may find this hard to believe, but it never once crossed my mind to call the cops, probably because I never considered it possible that the system was there to help someone like me. Cops were all white in those days. It just never occurred to me that they would help me against other whites. That helplessness, those guys shooting at me, just filled me with a lot of fear and anger. Each time that whisper went overhead, I felt as if I really was about to wet my pants (truly! LOL). Those guys wanted me to run like some “coon” so they could have a really good laugh. And there was just no way I was about to let that happen. But it just caused them to shoot ever closer. One time they shot so close I really thought they would slip up and kill me. But, I am proud to say, I never once even so much as flinched.

That is really surprising to me. And, I confess, I am still incredulous about it. But, the possibility of your sincerity and integrity here is quite obvious to me because I experience your view in my own whites all the time.

That is some serious crazy there.

I don’t know. I am of two minds about it. Some white guys prefer white girls, and you know, I think that is just fine. I know a white guy who just has a thing for black girls. Other kinds of women are okay to him, and the right white girl could really attract him. But he generally has a preference for blacks. Some guys (these days it seems ALL guys) have a thing for Asian girls. I never did-- until college. I met this girl who really had something for me. My goodness, she so lovely I was afraid of her. The race difference also influenced me. I never could bring myself to respond to her. Sad memory. Some guys like blonds, others fall flat down over red heads. I think it is nice having all these choices to enjoy. I like the image of unity you imply, but I think we already have it. The fact is, since “white” person A can seamlessly join “black” person B to create person C, “race” really is this arbitrary thing in nature, having the same character as blondness and red-headedness. If we could really see this for what it is, then there would just be no problem with some black gal saying “I really have a thing for white guys”. Let her pursue her preferences, I say. I certainly don’t feel rejected because she would tend not to prefer me as a mate. And I feel precisely the same way about white women who just don’t tend to prefer black guys. No problem.

Deep South-- near Northern Florida, Southern Georgia, Alabama-ish.

I have lived as far north as New York, and as far south as Miami. I have had sad experiences all along. It was in a place named Hopatcong, New Jersey that this cop stopped and began to harass me. Somehow, I never really associated this with the North because that cop had a southern accent. In NY I tried to rent an apartment but was told it was unavailable once the lady saw me. Sent my white friend right afterward, and he got the unit with no problem. The same thing happened to me in Miami, FL. Many other things like this have happened so that now, I really do feel society constantly pressing against me. It is just no surprise to me that blacks suffer from high blood pressure much more than whites, and I don’t think it is just a matter of diet either. The minute a black guy leaves his house, the sky itself starts crunching down on him. Don’t need your pity. I just want that sky to get back up there where it belongs.

Yeah. I see this with my own kids, though I think there is not as much acceptance of gays as should be.

I noticed this at my own kid’s school. But, I also note that it is not really some hard-coded rule either. My college kid has tons of friends, mostly Asians and whites, but some blacks. Tons of really nice white friends on her sports team. She just adores her roommates, and considers this Chinese girl her best friend at college. She regularly attends a Chinese church, which kinda makes me feel uncomfortable because I wonder how in the world she can even understand anything. I am also feeling kind of wary because the Chinese are supposed to be some really racist folks when it comes to blacks. But, you know, here I got a son with a Chinese girl and a daughter up to her Keister in Chinese friends at college. I don’t know about all this, but okay, whatever…

Don’t think America will take Obama seriously. He is likeable and that makes a lot of folks feel good because they can stomach giving him support. But behind the curtain, I think they will vote as they have always voted – for some white guy. No way is America ready for a black First Lady. Shoot. Obama won’t even run. Also, he has no real experience. That alone is enough to deny him my support.

It is clear to me that I still have some issues to work out, ideas to reconcile because I already have encountered these whites. Some of them I have known for over twenty years and am deeply entwined with them. In truth, I had more whites sleeping in my house last night, and laughing at my breakfast table this morning, than I did blacks. That is why I say the possibility of your sincerity and integrity here is quite obvious to me because I experience your view in my own whites all the time.

lealdragon · November 24, 2006, 2:56pm

“Some guys like blonds, … nice having all these choices to enjoy. I like the image of unity you imply, but I think we already have it. … race really is this arbitrary thing in nature, having the same character as blondness and red-headedness. If we could really see this for what it is, then there would just be no problem with some black gal saying I really have a thing for white guys. Let her pursue her preferences…”

I agree completely and I think that’s a wonderful way to look at it! And, although obviously some people are still prejudiced and would never consider someone outside their race/religion/whatever, it is changing more and more.

The examples you gave of your own kids - wow, that is awesome! The very fact that your daughter’s best friend is Chinese and she goes to a Chinese church shows that the stereotype you mentioned (of Asians supposedly being prejudiced against blacks) is obviously changing. Progress!

I respectfully disagree about Obama and whether the country is ready for a minority president. We must take into consideration that whites are no longer the majority. There are still more whites than any other single race, but if you add up all the minorities - add up all the Blacks, Hispanics, Asians, etc. these TOTAL more than the whites! So, if many of them + some of the whites are willing to vote for a minority, then it can happen! Hispanics, for example, might not have any problem voting for a Black, because they should know that it represents progress and next time it might be a Hispanic up there running for office.

Also, I don’t think Obama’s lack of experience is an issue. JFK was only 37 and had very little experience when he became president - in fact his circumstances were very similar to Obama’s, including a prejudice towards him for being Catholic - yet he went down in history as being one of the most beloved presidents.

The current president had some ‘experience’ (though highly questionable, imo) and look at how he has botched things up.

Anyway, I honestly do like Obama; he stands out more than any of the other contenders. It really would not matter to me what his race was - it is the PERSON that I like. But the fact that he’s half Black is, to me, a nice bonus.

Drossel, I really appreciate your opening up so much about your experiences. I am truly horrified that those white boys were actually shooting at you and you couldn’t even call the cops. I know that this would not be true today, at least no where I live. The cops would be there and they would arrest those white boys in an instant.

I think it is awesome that you have such a depth of insight. I really admire and respect people who are willing to look at situations from different angles and try to see other points of view, and try to see how they might inadvertently be doing the same thing in their own way or in a different situation. I admire your willingness to look at yourself and see how your own feelings towards whites are in some ways similar to the feelings other people have, and make an attempt at understanding where people are coming from. You have a very compassionate and realistic attitude, despite the horrors that you experienced, and that is highly commendable! I think the world would be a better place if everyone did that!

I would like to share with you a couple of stories.

When I was about 20 years old (in 1980) I answered an ad for an apartment. The woman told me that I was the first person to call and if I came right over, she would let me have it.

When I got there about an hour or so later, a young Black girl had already gotten there before me, and was being shown the apartment. The landlady told me I’d get first choice because I had called first.

The Black girl looked crestfallen. I could see so clearly that she probably thought that the woman gave the apartment to me, even though the Black girl got there before I did. I made a point to tell her that I had been the first to call, and I had gotten there at the agreed upon time, and the landlady had promised to hold it for me until then.

I don’t think she believed me. She thought it was because I am white and she was black. But she was wrong. It was all a misinterpretation. I felt very bad for her, and I even considered letting her have it, but it really was perfect for me and I really needed it, so I didn’t.

Another story: A few years ago a Black woman came to our house to discuss an insurance settlement. When she rang the doorbell, I was in the middle of giving my dogs a flea treatment. My husband opened the door, and the woman extended her hand. My hubby shook her hand, but I told her I needed to wash my hands because they smelled like dog and flea medication.

It was the truth! I honestly didn’t want to get dog smell on her hands!

But I felt really bad, because, even though she saw me go wash my hands in the kitchen, I worried that she would think it was because she was Black.

In hindsight, I should have offered her my hand after I’d washed them, but I just didn’t think of it at the time. She was already sitting at the table and had pulled out her stuff, and the moment was lost. I should have done it anyway, but I just didn’t think fast enough.

Yet another story: One time I was walking out of a convenience store and a Black woman was walking up. Well, my policy is that if the person is within a few feet of the door, I will hold the door open for them. This woman was about 10 feet away. It would not have mattered if she were white. She was simply too far away for me to stand there and wait for her to get to the door.

I didn’t hold the door, but later I wondered if she might have though it was because of her being Black. I honestly thought that for me to hold the door would have been silly, and maybe even been obvious that I was only doing it cuz she was Black, since I would not have done it for anyone else.

I decided right then that for me to fret about how Blacks are going to take something is sort of like AA - it’s racism in reverse. AA was needed at one time - maybe is still needed (my son just got some scholarship offers because of AA and he is not turning them down, so I’m not one of these anti-AA people) but if there is no more racism there should not be any need for AA.

I want to just extend the same courtesy to everyone, regardless of race. Occasionally, despite my best efforts, someone might get slighted or misinterpret.

Problem is, even though it happens to whites too, if it happens to Blacks they right away think it’s because they are Black.

I tell you these stories in the hopes that you might remember, next time something like that happens to you, that it might be racism, OR it MIGHT just be one of those things that has nothing to do with race at all!

You sound like a wonderful person, Drossel. I’m sorry to hear of the prejudices that have been directed at you.

It’s not just blacks, though. I have had my share of prejudices - as a child, for being short, can you believe it! Yeah, I was ridiculed mercilessly. (See the ‘destroy America’ thread if you are interested in that story.)

Even today, people tell short jokes around me. I find it rude but decided long ago not to let it bother me.

So, short, fat, black, white, whatever…there are rude people out there, unfortunately. But there is progress being made, thankfully.

ucsd_ucla_dad · November 24, 2006, 6:58pm

There are many who genuinely support and respect these two for who they are and race and gender is irrelevant in reaching that decision.

I’m glad for this because not all of them are. People grow up with various backgrounds that enter this equation. There actualy are some who grew up without racists parents and in similar socio-economic conditions as people of other races/religions. There are others who may have been raised in a racist situation who are able to think for themselves and realize that the racist attitudes were wrong and aren’t racist themselves.

While I’m sure that this would be true for some, it certainly isn’t true for everyone. It’s not true for me. I really don’t care what the race or gender is - I care about their political positions, ideals, and experience - their ability to do the job in my view.

I’m not a supporter of racial discrimination in college admissions (or anywhere else) but I don’t hold the least bit of animosity towards anyone who uses any legal means available to them to their advantage. This applies to those who use their race, their gender, their legacy status, sports skills, etc.

lealdragon · November 24, 2006, 7:34pm

Drossel, I just remembered another story from my life that fits here.

When I was in about 5th grade, 3 other girls, 1 of them Black, and I were outside at recess playing a game of 4-square. As I said in my previous post, I was really bad at any sports (even 4-square!) so the other 3 girls started their usual teasing. They were going on and on and ON about me being short, calling me names like ‘shrimp.’ I was very sensitive and felt outnumbered and picked on. It really was ugly, or at least that’s the way I remember it.

In desperation, I looked for something to get back at them with. Aha! I found something! I started attacking the Black girl with jabs about ‘chocolate milk.’ (This was at an age when little girls start getting obsessed with wearing bras, if you get my drift.)The 2 white girls joined in, of course, and for a brief moment I felt better being part of the ‘cool’ people instead of being the one that everyone was ganging up on.

The Black girl immediately got offended, and showed it. She said, “You guys quit making fun of me because of my color.”

And we all stopped. But I felt really rotten about it. I also realized, belatedly, that the Black girl had much more quick-wittedness and courage than I did. I should have said 'You guys quit making fun of me because of my size!"

I can honestly say that that was the ONLY time in my entire life that I ever made a racist attack at anyone, and it really wasn’t racist at all. If that girl had had a big nose instead of being Black, I would have latched on to her nose and ridiculed it. I very distinctly remember the feeling of desperation that I felt. I felt as though I were drowning and I reached out for whatever I could grab onto, and her race was just a convenient thing that I could attack. At that moment, I cared more about saving myself than I did for her feelings.

As I said, if she had had a big nose, or a stain on her skirt, or frizzy hair, anything, anything would have sufficed as the object of some handy ridicule.

To this day, I reget doing that. I also regret not telling them to quit making fun of my size. How is race any different from size? Both are physical attributes. Kids can be very cruel; they will find ANYTHING to tease another kid about. I received more than my share of prejudice directed at me. It is the same, the very same.

It’s different now, because I am no longer discriminated against because of my size, whereas Black people are still discriminated against because of their color. But in 5th grade, it was the same, and it hurt the same.

I have tried calling that friend. I found her on an internet search, but every time I’ve called, no one ever answered. I haven’t given up. I want to apologize to her for what I said that day. It was an isolated incident in my life, and it wasn’t what she thought it was. I also want her to know how hurt I felt by her ridicule of me. I doubt that she ever had a clue. People know how hurtful racism is, but they are often oblivious to the many other forms that it takes, the many other ‘isms’ there are. What do I call what was directed at me? Looksism? Sizeism? Sportsism?

It’s all the same. It’s all cruel.

This is NOT to compare what I went thru with what you went thru, Drossel. No one ever shot at me for being under 5 feet tall. Clearly, what was just some childhood trauma pales in comparison to having to endure a lifetime of discrimination. So please, no comparison is intended!

My point is simply that cruelty begets more cruelty, and each of us must do our part to break the cycle.

Northstarmom · November 24, 2006, 7:45pm

"When I got there about an hour or so later, a young Black girl had already gotten there before me, and was being shown the apartment. The landlady told me I’d get first choice because I had called first.

The Black girl looked crestfallen. I could see so clearly that she probably thought that the woman gave the apartment to me, even though the Black girl got there before I did. I made a point to tell her that I had been the first to call, and I had gotten there at the agreed upon time, and the landlady had promised to hold it for me until then.

I don’t think she believed me. She thought it was because I am white and she was black. But she was wrong. It was all a misinterpretation. "

What’s sad is that probably in most such cases, the black woman’s perception of what had happened would be accurate. That’s way even today, Equal Housing Authority offices get racial discrimination complaints that they are able to verify. About a year or two ago, a professor with a great gift of mimicing accents published research that when he sounded black when calling in response to for rent housing ads, he would be told that apartments were already taken. Yet, if he called back and sounded white, he’d be told they were available.

I myself had a bad experience when I moved to Nashville about 20 years ago. Despite having a good job, good prior rental recommendations, etc., I couldn’t find an apartment. I looked for about 3 weeks. Finally, one of my white coworkers (I was the first black professional in my office) suggested that I might be experiencing racial discrimination because he’d moved to the city recently, and had had no problems finding an apartment in the same areas that I was looking in. After I called yet another place, and was told that there were plenty of vacancies only to be told that there was none when I showed up (I sound “white” on the phone), I told that manager of a large apartment complex that I would just sit there and wait until a vacancy came. After all, if many vacancies could disappear so quickly, they probably could appear just as quickly . I also emphasized that I was a reporter for a news organization. So funny – he managed to find me an apartment within minutes.

"Another story: A few years ago a Black woman came to our house to discuss an insurance settlement. When she rang the doorbell, I was in the middle of giving my dogs a flea treatment. My husband opened the door, and the woman extended her hand. My hubby shook her hand, but I told her I needed to wash my hands because they smelled like dog and flea medication.

It was the truth! I honestly didn’t want to get dog smell on her hands!

But I felt really bad, because, even though she saw me go wash my hands in the kitchen, I worried that she would think it was because she was Black. "

And, sadly, she’d have reason to do so. About 3 years ago, I participated in a book discussion group about racism. One of the members – a white man, mid 30s, started talking about how ingrained racism was in him, though he is sorry that it is so deep. He then mentioned how he once saw a black woman neighbor hug his mother and he recoiled at the thought of a black woman touching his mother. He was ashamed of this reaction, but it did give me cause to see that a man who was my age, and who I even had hugged, had such a deep seated aversion to being touched by black people. H

A few weeks ago, a 71-year-old white woman told me that when she was a child, she had gone to visit her grandmother, and when she was leaving, realized she had forgotten to kiss her grandmother and her grandmom’s black domestic good-bye. She rushed in and went to the kitchen and kissed the black domestic and then went to the parlor to kiss her grandmother.

When she kissed her grandmother, her grandmother screamed at her because the woman had kissed her with lips that had first touched the black woman, who incidentally had been cooking and cleaning for the grandmother for most of the grandmother’s life.

The grandmother’s reaction wasn’t because of jealousy, but because she literally seemed to feel that her granddaughter’s lips had been polluted by touching a black woman’s face.

lealdragon · November 24, 2006, 7:51pm

“The grandmother’s reaction wasn’t because of jealousy, but because she literally seemed to feel that her granddaughter’s lips had been polluted by touching a black woman’s face.”

That’s horrible! But, it was generations ago. It would be really horrible if people still felt that way today.

NSM, I’m sorry to hear that you have still experienced discrimination in this day and age. That’s atrocious. That was great how you handled the apartment guy!

–

When I got engaged to my Hispanic hubby, I was telling one of my old high school friends about him. Over the phones she very tentatively asked 'Is he…is he…Spanish?"

I said, “He’s Mexican!”

(Which is how he referred to himself back then, before ‘Hispanic’ became the preferred pc term.)

She seemed a bit uncomfortable when I said that, but I actually found her discomfort amusing. I confronted her and asked why she even asked such a question. She then told me she wasn’t prejudiced but she had had trouble with her ‘high-society’ parents when she tried to invite some of her Hispanic friends to her wedding.

Hopefully, progress is being made with each generation. I hope that grandmother learned something from the open, free-spirited love that her little granddaughter displayed by kissing the Black woman. I hope the little girl didn’t get corrupted by her grandmother’s racism.

–

A few months ago, my son dated a Black girl. He met her online, talked on the phone a few times, then took her to the movies. Later he told me he didn’t intend to date her anymore because he found out she’d lied about her age. She had told him she was 16 but he found out she was 14. I don’t know what exactly he told her, but he did confront her on the age thing and made it clear he was displeased about the deception.

Well, in keeping with her immaturity, she started calling him about 20 times a day, getting really possessive. Finally, one day when he wasn’t home, I picked up the phone and asked her straight out what she was trying to accomplish. (I had avoided talking to her because I didn’t want to interfere.) She said she wanted to know why he didn’t want to date her anymore. I said, ‘Because you are 14 and it’s illegal!’ and then I told her straight out that it was NOT because she was Black. Anyway, he already knew she was black before they went out, so that should have been obvious! She said ‘Oh, I never thought that at all!’

It didn’t even enter this girl’s mind that she could be rejected on account of her color. Which I found refreshing.

Our kids…hope for the future.

Princedog · November 24, 2006, 11:35pm

Yeah but the thing is a lot of people my age want to deny there’s any underlying racial tension in the United States. When someone goes off like Michael Richards, of course he’s not RACIST. I mean no one is racist anymore. Going into a self described “rage” directed at someone’s race when they call you “not funny”, well that isn’t racism. We’re just too politically correct now and can’t joke around.

I don’t think we’re going to change what people refuse to acknowledge. All you have to do is look at the admissions board and what people post about AA. Everything is in the past to them. But you know what, that was less than a lifetime ago. Less than a lifetime ago that counties in Va closed all public schools rather than integrate, and then opened private schools for white kids. A generation of people whose kids therefore never got to be a “legacy” anywhere. Rather than acknowledge that no one is is owed a spot at HYP or that gasp colleges want diversity for a reason, any URM “stole” their spot and it’s unfair and racial discrimination. Please. When I don’t get into the college I want (I’m white), it’s because they didn’t want me. And that’s the fact of the matter. Students are just as much a commodity to the college as the other way around - colleges fill their classes to meet their needs. And why shouldn’t they? What people need to admit is that most AA prgrams are taking qualified candidates, they’re just using it as a distinguishing measure. When you have three equally qualified people, and one brings something more to the table, even if that something is diversity you don’t have, well that’s something and that’s a fact to me. No it’s not perfect. But I think a lot of people way overestimate the effect and scope of AA. All you have to do is look around IMO.

lealdragon · November 25, 2006, 1:26am

“hen someone goes off like Michael Richards, of course he’s not RACIST. I mean no one is racist anymore. Going into a self described “rage” directed at someone’s race when they call you “not funny”, well that isn’t racism. We’re just too politically correct now and can’t joke around.”

I’m not sure I get your point. Are you saying that people ought to be able to joke around about race, and not worry about being politically correct?

An example of someone who does just that is Carlos Mencia. He makes racial jokes all the time, about his own ethnicity as well as just about all others, but somehow they don’t really come across as racist. (Well, I’m sure they do to some people, but there are always lots of people of various ethnicities in his audience who don’t seem offended.) Why? Because it’s all just fun about silly stereotypes, and people seem to know there is some truth in the silliness.

What Richards did was completely different. His rage was directly aimed at the Blacks in the audience, and he seemed to intend the comments to be derogatory. I saw more on tv about it and it turns out HE started the racial jabs, and that is WHY they started heckling him. (That was the claim, anyway.) I agree with the guy in the audience who kept saying ‘That was uncalled for!’

I think it’s ridiculous to pretend there aren’t still racist people around. Of course there are. Just ask Drossel.

Northstarmom · November 25, 2006, 9:52am

"
That’s horrible! But, it was generations ago. It would be really horrible if people still felt that way today."

But people do still feel that way. People were raised by people who thought that they’d be contaminated if a black person touched them. Anyone raised like that still would be fighting the residual feelings – would be fighting those feelings, that is, if they realized that it was wrong to have that kind of fear and disgust. Many people don’t realize that what they are afraid of is unrealistic and bigoted. Indeed, they may feel that their reactions are correct.

The thirtysomething man whom I said talked of cringing when a black woman hugged his grandmother is Buddhist and also did a lot of volunteer work including in places where there are lots of black people. I even had hugged him. Imagine what feelings he was having to cope with when I touched him – and until he talked about his reaction to what happened to his grandmother, I had no clue.

As for things happening now, when my younger son, 18, was 13, he had a white “girl friend.” That’s in quotes, because my husband and I didn’t let him date because of his age. The only time that my S saw his “girlfriend” was in homeroom and in a once a week 45-minute after school EC.

Her parents at were perfectly fine with their relationship at first. Indeed, my S told me that his “girlfriend” had told him that her parents thought she’d made a wonderful particularly since S was in gifted programs (girlfriend was not) and was in some nice activities (girlfriend hadn’t done any ECs until she met S) and came from an educated, professional family.

Everything was fine until they saw S’s picture and learned he is black. Then they made her break up because S is black.

Incidentally, the girlfriend’s mom was a romance novelist whose books had won awards for being very romantic.

Another example of how racism has touched my kids’ lives: When my older S, 22 was 14, he was waiting for the city bus on a Sat. morning behind our house. This was the same bus stop where for a couple of years, he had been taking the bus to school. We had lived in that neighborhood for 4 years.

Minutes after he left the house, there was a knock on the door. There S stood with a policeman who asked if this was my S. The police said he had been called because a neighbor had complained that there was a suspicious person in the neighborhood.

In case any of you think that was unusual: In a completely different part of the country, 1,000 miles away, one of my friend’s son’s was questioned by the police while walking around his upper class neighborhood. His father is the corporate counsel for a Fortune 100 company and had lived in that neighborhood for years. Apparently, though, the boy’s problem was walking while black.

I also know several black professionals who live in the D.C. area who sent their sons away to prep schools because their sons were repeatedly stopped by police while driving the family’s expensive cars (things like BMWs).

A similar thing happened about 15 years ago to a young black man in Detroit who, after he parked his expensive family car on a downtown street, was stopped by a white man, who, saying, “You’ll need this some day,” handed the teen a business card showing that the man was a criminal lawyer.

The young man reached in his pocket and, saying, “This is my father’s card. You’ll need this some day,” handed the white man a business card that read, “Dennis Archer, Michigan Supreme Court Justice.”

Northstarmom · November 25, 2006, 11:25am

"LOS ANGELES - Two men who say they were insulted by actor-comedian Michael Richards during his racist rant at a comedy club want a personal apology and maybe some money, one of the men and their lawyer said Friday.

Frank McBride and Kyle Doss said they were part of a group of about 20 people who had gathered at West Hollywoods Laugh Factory to celebrate a friends birthday. According to their attorney, Gloria Allred, they were ordering drinks when Richards berated them for interrupting his act…

To have him do what he did to me … I cant even explain it, Doss said. I was humiliated, even scared at one point.

Richards publicist said his client wants to apologize to both men, who are black, but hasnt been able to locate them."

Sure, he couldn’t locate them, yet could contact Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton to apologize to them even though they weren’t at the club. Suuuuuuure. Apologizing to Jesse and Al certainly should have pleased black people because, after all, all black people look alike…,

<a href=“http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15887520/[/url]”>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15887520/</a>

alwaysamom · November 25, 2006, 11:34am

While I do think that an apology to these individuals is in order, it bothers me that Gloria Allred has jumped on the bandwagon and everyone has dollar signs in their eyes.

Even worse than Barbra with the "F" word, Richards says "N" word

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