Throughout my childhood, my parents have always been emotionally, mentally, verbally and recently physically abusive. During my undergraduate years, I was always the student who had to apply for courses at the very last minute. My parents make threats about kicking me out the house because I wasn’t a good daughter who complied to everything they said. I end up crying more often and worrying about the future more than focusing on my assignments. I’m in my second semester of graduate school in a major I really enjoy, however, I have to go through the same cycle of asking my parents to pay for my tuition. I didn’t want to go to college in the first place. In fact, I didn’t mind going to community college. However, my mom pressured me into going to university,ignoring the fact that she and my father can’t afford it and expecting a free ride for me. Now, they put the blame on me, even though I was an 18 year old student who was afraid to say “I don’t think I want to go to college” because I would be scolded for it. I’m glad that I’m in graduate school, but I don’t think I can deal with my parents long speeches about how I’m a terrible daughter, even though they still continue to hurt me in different ways. I treat everybody the way I wish to be treated, with respect. No matter what I do, I’m not good enough. I’m just a failure. Even at my graduation, my mom ruined it by calling me an idiot for not wanting to take a picture like the other students. I wonder if I just the only one in my class who deals with this issue. I don’t want to ask my parents, there complaining is going to make me more depressed. Even on my birthday, my dad try to ruin it saying that I will be kicked out if I don’t give him any money to him. I make very little money at job and use the money for food. They have no empathy.
I’m sorry that you are going through this.
But now that you are in grad school you can pay for your own tuition and living expenses with loans if you want to be free of your parents.
I have applied for loans, however, I was informed by my financial adviser that I didn’t have enough credits to receive federal aid. They said to look in to private loans to pay off my current balance like Sallie Mae but I’ve heard some bad things about them. I’m not good with finances so I’m anxious and scared about getting another loan.
Don’t students in grad school only have to take 6 credits in order to get loans?
What kind of grad school are you in ?
Are the graduate courses going to lead to a higher paying job? Does it make any sense to just start your career and work towards financial independence, then go to graduate school later?
Your parents have warped your sense of self. If the school offers a counseling center, you should try taking advantage of it. Working with someone who is not emotionally involved might help you figure out your options. If you decide to start your career, most colleges have a center with job listings, resume help, and so on.
One thing to keep in mind: controlling parents like control. The more steps you take towards independence, the more they may try to maintain their control. Building a support system of friends and professionals will help.
You are not making sense. Are you 18 and going to a graduate school as in you already completed your bachelor’s degree? If that is the case you should be working and on your own if you are going for a graduate degree. In your last thread it seems like you are 20 years old. Please clarify so that we can give appropriate suggestions.
She said “… I was an 18 year old student…”.
I suspect your parents are personality disordered. Check out OutOfTheFog dot net and look in the “Dealing with PD Parents” subfolder. Post what you shared with us there. You will find many people with a similar story.
@vonlost If you read her other post she talks about the last 20 years of her life.
This is unhealthy! If you are a graduate student, you should be independent of your parents. They do not need to be supporting you and you certainly don’t need to be taking so much abuse. Finish the semester and take a leave from your program.
If you are studying something lucrative borrow the money, and apply to transfer to a school in another city -too far for them to drop in. Be totally independent from your parents. You don’t need their money or their abuse. You are more likely to gain their respect if you own your life. If you are not good with money, GET good with money. You’re an educated person and there is no reason that you can’t take care of yourself completely.
If you are not studying something lucrative, then don’t borrow the money. Get a job and an apartment in a distant city and build a life. You can finish your degree part-time at night if you so choose. For example Boston has the excellent Harvard Extension School where many many students do this.
This may sound scary to you, but what you have going with all of this abuse is already scary. You have a bachelors degree and fortunately in 2017, you are likely employable. You have great options. Make a great future for yourself.
Let your parents know that you love them and are not moving for spite but because you think it would be healthier for everybody to put some distance in your relationship. This will cut down on the drama.