Evolving with life....need suggestions.

Parent Cafe
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<p>Okay, I have written on this blog for a while now but, tonight I am driven to write out of basic insecurity of the future. I have 3 wonderful children (two in college and one in hs) and a wonderful husband (25th this year)…but things are just changing too fast. I worked part time for most of my kids lives, putting everyone else ahead of me. I now find myself watching all of it slip away…my kids leave to go to college and come back different, I know that is normal. They don’t want to be around us, they are more reclusive…hiding out in their rooms for privacy. Getting them together for a family meal is difficult. I all of a sudden find myself very alone in my home, almost a stranger with more conversations with my dog and cat than anyone else.</p>

<p>I know life changes but I didn’t realize how different things would be after they start college…my husbands job is very demanding and he often arrives late …so I look ahead at the possibility of eating alone for the next 25 years.</p>

<p>How did all of you deal with these changes? Is this a normal scenario? I now find myself wanting to get a full time job with lots of travel! Maybe the peace corp.</p>

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<p>I went out to dinner last week with some friends- all moms, mostly married, and one thing we had in common was this phase of life. We noted that we were conflicted- we loved our husbands, but also enjoyed the alione time, we loved our kids, but were looking forward to the days when they would be away to school. We promised each other that we would make sure and get together, call each other, rely on each other, find things to do that are fun. </p>

<p>It helps with the transitions that are happening- I am taking classes, and I found that night classes are better - seems my time is more respected if I go in the evening. And its FUN!! ANother mom is doing an art class. </p>

<p>Take this time and fill it with stuff you always wanted to do. And you are not alone when it comes to spending lots of time with your husband. Many of my friends see that happening, but it isn’t a bad thing at all. Its using the time you have together, making a date night, or taking a walk, getting desert with him that will be special and meaningful.</p>

<p>One friend asked me if it was normal to want to just be alone for awhile in her house, and of course it is!!! It doesn’t mean you don’t love your husband, it just means you are getting comforatble with the changes.</p>

<p>Instead of waiting for your husband, take a walk, read a book, eat out, check out an exhibit. And when he comes home, sit with him and just nibble. You don’t have to actually eat to sit at the table. My husband is often late (he golfs and thank goodness for that) and meets people after work, and if often am hungry earlier, but we sit together at the table when he gets home.</p>

<p>So, my suggestion is to explore what you have always wanted to, check out a local college, check out 1/2 price tickets to place that you get on short notice, wander a book store, sew, paint.</p>

<p>If you feel lonesome waiting for your husband to come home, take a walk, go to starbucks with a book, clean a closet.</p>

<p>But above all, don’t feel bad about missing them, but don’t stop moving forward.</p>

<p>We have a lot to offer still at this age, I am almost 50, and my friends are all around the same age. We bolster each other up. </p>

<p>It will be okay, and if you want get a job, volunteer, take a class!!!</p>

<p>We have lots of good years left and we shouldn’t waste them</p>

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<p>Definitely another transition of life…</p>

<p>I went from “Job is priority 1” to “kids are priority 1”. As the youngest will be going off to college in a year’s time, and the oldest is graduated from college and working at a career job, I, too, am wondering what the next stage of life will bring. </p>

<p>I don’t know what the next stage of my life will be, but it won’t be spending time alone at home talking to the dog (much to the dog’s chagrin)! She thinks that it is now her time to be my “priority 1.”</p>

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<p>Thanks for the words of advice. I will embrace my girl friends, and thank god for them…look for my other life I left 21 years ago when I became a Mom. Those dreams I had and left behind. A lot happening this year, I turn 50, Celbrate my 25th, and hopefully start a new path in my life.</p>

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<p>What I have learned that I may not spend lots of more time with my husband, but the time we do spend together is great. I think if you go in with expectations of all this time together, and it doesn’t happen, you will get frustrated. But if you go into this phase with the idea, so cool, I can hang with my girlfriends, see that are exhibit again, take that class on literature, then you won’t be sad or disappointed when your spouse comes home late- you will be the one who might come home late!!</p>

<p>And this isnt about growing apart or anything, its just about rediscovering yourself! Sometimes its adjusting and eating later, sometimes its going to see a play by yourself, sometimes its about going to a street fair with your girlfriends, and sometimes it about taking a walk with your husband.</p>

<p>Remember 50 is the new 35!!</p>

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<p>Hey, I thought 50 was the new 25!! Attitude is half of it.</p>

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<p>K 25 year old body, but 35 year old brain, wit, smarts and sense of humor!!!</p>

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<p>Atlmom, I’m going through this as well. Visit Minnesota and we’ll walk our dogs together.</p>

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<p>Altlmom - sorry, no suggestions, only empathy. I’m a couple of years behind you - actually, I am already 50, but my DDs are still in high school. I’m getting a sneak preview of life without them right now as they are both at camp for a month. The house is very quiet and I will admit that I am talking WAY too much to D’s pet ferret!</p>

<p>I am thinking semi-seriously about the peace corps after they go to college…</p>

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<p>My friends and I want to buy a cottage on the beach, with a porch, and take turns escaping to it.</p>

<p>To be honest, our husbands are driving us nuts. We love them oodles, but argh. </p>

<p>I have one friend who can’t wait for her daughter to head to college in the fall. She is making her Ds room a snore-room. Getting new sheets, comforter, candles, etc., so when her husband starts snoring, she has a nice place to sleep instead of the sofa.</p>

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<p>I’ve found meaning and satisfaction in tutoring at a youth shelter and in listening on a crisis hotline.</p>

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<p>ADad, how wonderful! Good for you! Sounds like a great way to benefit both yourself and others.</p>

<p>I’ve signed up to help at the upcoming Republican convention. However, the security screen is quite extensive, and they are bound to find out that I’m a liberal democrat. Doesn’t mean I can’t be nice and point the way to the shuttle bus.</p>

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<p>The shuttle bus to where?! Mall of America?</p>