Executive Functioning Skills - Is it too late to help?

Parents Forum
1

DS19 is homeschooled, and though he has no trouble academically, he has relied on me to plan his weekly schedule. (I don’t think this is a homeschool issue, though, because my next 2 kids in line don’t need any help with planning/scheduling/organization.)

Last semester, ds took 2 dual credit courses (plus a few at home courses) and did well. This semester, he took 3 dual credit courses (plus at home stuff).

He did all the studying and coursework on his own, but I kept helping plan his weekly schedule and gave him reminders about little things. Around spring break, I started telling him how to plan his own schedule and backed off the reminding because I know he’ll have to do it on his own this fall.

His grades took a dive from 2 A’s and a B to 1 A, 1 B, 1 C.

He was doing things like finishing homework in time but not getting it turned in, losing homework, writing an A paper that became a C due to no works cited, forgetting to bring a calculator to a chem test, etc. I told him repeatedly over the past few weeks to check his syllabi and make notes of all assignments, due dates, and tests. Monday, he almost missed a final. A friend texted him, and he was able to get there in time to finish, but was 30 min late.

Last night, he came to tell me how disappointed he was with his performance and said he hoped he could learn to be organized. I asked him if he thought he needed another year of community college, and he said no.

I think he can get his act together, but I’m wondering if any of you know of any books or strategies I could pass along to help prepare him.

I never had trouble staying organized as a student, and my next 2 kids in line don’t have an issue with it either, so it’s hard for me to understand why ds struggles so much with this.

2

Maybe he isn’t ready to take the training wheels off…maybe he needs more support at college…e.g., https://www.rit.edu/studentaffairs/ssp/

3

It is definitely not too late to improve on these skills. A couple of things my kids did to keep organized included:

Calendar/Planner – writing in deadlines, exams, homework etc. as well as social events. Both kids used this planner throughout college as there is plenty of space to write things down. https://www.ataglance.com/ataglance/browse/product?prodId=AY44 Your S might also create a monthly calendar to keep an eye on long term things as well – you can get one to put on a desk which doubles as a blotter - for example: https://www.staples.com/desk+blotter+calendar/directory_desk+blotter+calendar

Color coding - my kids used 1 inch binders for each subject. Different colors for each subject with a folder in the same color. It helped them keep notes/papers/handouts in one place.

Handling long term assignments/large exams - Learning to create a timetable with interim goals/deadlines so all the work isn’t left until the last minute.

4

That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week: Helping Disorganized and Distracted Boys Succeed in School and Life
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HTK8DYO/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

5

This is another good book … Smart but Scattered Teens

https://www.amazon.com/Smart-but-Scattered-Teens-Executive/dp/1609182294/ref=sr_1_3?gclid=Cj0KCQjwzunmBRDsARIsAGrt4mvoEsY35mWFallcBs4a228wadV_ca5suVxRv_2FA3Lx6m3u8Cc_geMaAvwsEALw_wcB&hvadid=241644487817&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9019541&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=e&hvrand=15160659066976547344&hvtargid=aud-649564993678%3Akwd-41637807727&hydadcr=8925_10379218&keywords=smart+but+scattered+teens&qid=1557865362&s=gateway&sr=8-3

6

Not all colleges expect great executive functioning, though I do think that it is not too late to continue working with him, and I plan on working with my son this summer after his freshman year. The other thing is, for my son, he had support, but within a few weeks, he was organizing at least his assignments and thinking ahead to what was due. I’m not sure of his methodology. He’s across the country from me, so he by definition had to. As you see from my username, it’s not easy for me to let go, but it has been so good for him.

Is he on the spectrum? As previous poster mentioned, there is support at RIT, University of Denver, U of A and other schools. My son is at UCONN. You just need to google for either university support on the spectrum or executive functioning support to see which colleges may be a good fit, and an achievable school for him.

7

Seconding That Crumpled Paper…

Good strategies for students and their parents…

8

@overbearingmom He’s not on the spectrum. No special needs that we’re aware of. He is headed to UT Austin this fall. I need to find out what kind of support they have available.

9

I’m the opposite. I have terrible trouble staying organized. I can’t understand how anyone does it. (This is sort of a joke, but sort of not; that is, I do have terrible trouble staying organized. But I do understand how other people are organized, in that I understand that their brains work differently than mine does.)

Hearing someone say, “I can be organized, why can’t he?” is approximately as irritating as hearing “I can see the blackboard perfectly, why can’t he?” Great, I’m glad you don’t need glasses, and I’m glad you have some incomprehensible organization part of your brain that I lack. But you’re not helping here.

10

My son (finishing junior year) is doing executive functioning coaching via Skype. They are working with him on both academics and non academic stuff. He has ADHD diagnosis, though only recently diagnosed, and Interestingly I homeschooled through 7th. Wondering if part of the issue is because he never had to use those skills really until high school (though my daughter never had any issues and I homeschooled her as well). I never thought about the possible relationship. Anyway, if the books above don’t work (they didn’t for me - my son wasn’t super receptive to my help) you could look into the coaching. It’s only been about a month, but it does appear to be helping.

11

@“Cardinal Fang” I didn’t mean it in terms of, “I can be organized, why can’t he?” I meant it in terms of, “I don’t understand why he struggles, so I am not able to help him effectively.”

For instance, at the beginning of the semester, I got 3 spiral notebooks with pockets and labeled them for his 3 classes. I couldn’t figure out why chemistry notes were mixed up in the notebook labeled comp 2.

Or when I ask him why he has a zero on a homework, and he says he had it done in time but didn’t get it turned in, I get confused as to how that happens. I know he did the work, but he can’t explain how it didn’t get turned in, and since I don’t understand, I don’t know how to help him fix it.

I feel that if I better understood why this is hard for him, maybe I could help him come up with some strategies that work.

12

@taverngirl I wonder about the homeschooling aspect, too. I think having more outside accountability a bit sooner might have forced him to work on these skills a little more.

DS was not open to my helping him learn to be organized until he saw the effect on his grades when I stopped helping him with planning and organization. Now, he is at least motivated to learn.

Coaching might be helpful to him. Thanks for the suggestion.

13

My kids started using agendas at school in third grade. Teaching executive function was part of the curriculum. Teachers would make sure students had time to write down their assignments. Kids were also coached on different strategies for organizing notebooks. By middle school, students were able to access assignments online. Then, by high school, you are on your own.

14

Many schools offer assistance in this area - even if you’re not on the spectrum/don’t have a diagnosis showing need. Search school websites carefully and you may find that helpful services are available even at schools that don’t have programs specifically geared for this. A friend of our family was an athlete at a relatively small LAC. Was overwhelmed his freshman year - trying to keep himself organized. He made arrangements to meet with someone (weekly) in the school’s academic support ctr, and used the time to go over everything he needed to get done in the coming week. It was a lifesaver and he graduated la few days ago.

15

I do not believe homeschooling caused any of this. Some people are just wired with executive function and some are not. However, with long term homeschooling, the problems often do not show up as glaringly. It was very clear by 2nd and 3rd grade that some of my kids were severely lacking in this capacity. It was in my face every single day. I did homeschool several of mine for periods at a time, and when I did, It did not have to be a big concern.

The thing is, you don’t have 10 years till college to pattern certain behaviors and habits to deal with the lack of this function. Just as someone with poor coordination can still learn to dance or play a sport, learn the rules and movements to make, so can those who have poor executive function learn how to compensate. But it takes time and repetition. I had to set up infrastructures, wean them from my reminders and involvement, slowly, ever so slowly , and then work on them learning to set up infrastructures and systems themselves

It’s still not easy for those who are disorganized, forgetful and lacking in executive function, but it’s better. Better in that it can make the difference between failure and success. The journey is a slow, painful one.

16

Imagine that he has to hold in his mind that he needs to start taking notes now, and that he has to find the right notebook to take those notes. But he can’t hold those two ideas in his mind at one time.

Because he forgot. Because he can’t hold a lot of ideas in his mind at the same time. You can. But he can’t. You can keep track of a lot of things at the same time, but he can’t. (And let me tell you, it’s a lot worse to be a woman than a man with this disability, because we’re expected to multitask a lot more than men are.)

17

I have worked with kids on organization. I have to say…it’s important for the student to have an investment in the type of organization used. This kid might not benefit from multiple notebooks with pockets. Maybe he would prefer one notebook, or some other organizational system. What we think might work for someone else…just might not.

Some folks are just well organized…and some are not. Some make lists. Some keep everything in their heads. Some use their phones for notes and reminders. Some would hate that. Some keep online calendars, and some benefit from an old fashioned written calendar.

Some do better with verbal reminders. Some do better with spoken reminders. Some do better with written reminders.

I think a good coach can help this student find a system that will work for the student. It might be a trial and error effort.

18

Where would we start looking to find him a coach? I think a coach could help fill the role I’ve been filling until he can find a good system and build up habits/skills?

19

@“Cardinal Fang” That is helpful. When you state it in terms of him not being able to hold multiple ideas in his head, it makes sense. It actually explains some other behaviors, too. Thanks for sharing!

20

@jazzymomof7. What you just described your son to me sounds like Adhd with some executive functioning (please everyone don’t jump on me here). Like classic Adhd. Have you ruled this out? Now some of the tactics are the same as @thumper1 described for both. I totally need my phone with set reminders and lists. I actually just use the Google calendar and just put everything I need for each day on that and get notifications for my daily tasks. Even if I go shopping to the store it’s just easier for me to list everything there.

Some like apps like this, https://myhomeworkapp.com/

There are a lot of these just by doing searches.