Expensive high school -- should she or shouldn't she . . .

Parent Cafe
1

<p>So, my eighth grader applied to a couple of expensive private high schools because the music programs at the local public high school and at the local Catholic school that a couple of her siblings have attended are not very good. She ended up getting into a very selective school that I simply did not expect her to get into. And as far as I can tell, the music and performing arts are much more her cup of tea there than at the Catholic School we were planning to send her to. The band/orchestra director there is pretty dismal. And the choir is just okay. Obviously the Catholic school has other things going for it, but not the music dept. </p>

<p>The deposit for the Catholic School is due tomorrow. We found out about the other acceptance today. If it wasn’t so darned expensive, I’d send her there in a flash. Have to make up our minds in the next few hours. And we still don’t know where her sister is headed to college (how much it will cost). We won’t know that for a few weeks yet.</p>

<p>So, expensive high school that seems as if would be a really good place for my daughter worth it??? She lives and breathes music. </p>

<p>She is thinking of rejoining her children’s choir (private and pricey but very good) if she goes to the Catholic School, so that is an option if she goes there. </p>

<p>GAH. So little time to think about this!</p>

<p>What will we decide??? I’m interested in your thoughts. Maybe it will help as I think through this . . .</p>

2

<p>In this instance, with so many unknowns, I probably would not go for the more expensive high school. If the issue had to do with academic differences between the options, it would be a more difficult choice. But music is not one of the core subjects taught in a HS. It is something that is usually available through private instruction and/or performing ensembles – you can find a good fit for that outside of the school sphere. If it were a question of a particular math or other academic subject, I’d look at it differently, but in this case I’d choose a more practical high school option and outsource the music education.</p>

3

<p>shes still in 8th grade, lets keep it in perspective now…</p>

4

<p>What is the cost difference between sending her to the private school and not paying for outside music programs and sending her to a cheaper/public school and paying for outside music programs? That might be one way to look at it. If you’re going to pay for outside music lessons and programs anyway, then maybe it is better to go to one of the schools without as good of a program that costs less. Because unless this school has a music program that rivals all the outside specialty options, it may not be worth it to have all your money go to that at the expense of outside programs that may be better. If this will allow you to forego the expensive outside options, though, then the extra cost may be worth it.</p>

<p>Edit: also is there a possibility of transferring for tenth grade? Because it sounds like in a year you’ll know the situation better. It’s a little late to do this now but if things end up a certain way, maybe she could talk to a few advanced music students at the local high school? I bet a teacher could set you up with an email or something. It sounds like you know the Catholic school pretty well. The public school may have a large and open program that includes beginners, etc, which may make it seem worse, but there may actually be options for advanced students that aren’t as publicized (for examples ones that only a few people qualify for by recommendation…they may not put that out there).</p>

5

<p>Mstee, I’m probably prejudiced having done catholic schools the whole way, but, that is what I would do. If the music department there is poor, could your daughter enhance it or leverage it to show leadership in some way? Perhaps bring some of her outside knowledge to it? </p>

<p>What about the other comparisons between the two schools - AP classes, college counseling, etc.? And, how significant is the difference in tuition - if you’re talking about thousands of dollars per year, it’s hard to see how the more expensive high school is worth it, unless it is also far more superior in academics and other things…</p>

<p>Also, does your daughter know anyone else going to the more expensive high school? That can make a big difference - we had the choice of two catholic high schools, one private, one diocesan (sp?) supported, and one of the factors for me in choosing was that the second had many more students from feeder catholic schools attending, while the first had mostly very wealthy, non-catholic students from excellent public schools seeking better positioning for college - daughter knew only one or two people choosing that option, which made it far less attractive. </p>

<p>What about college admissions success from the catholic school - how do they compare?</p>

6

<p>I don’t know what the costs involved are, but as we considered public (free) versus private ($20k per year) schools, we thought about how much enrichment the differential could cover. Expensive summer program ($4k) expensive lessons at the local music school during the school year ($60 per hour for one instrument, $20 for another). They did not add up to $20k. Our kid went to the public high school.</p>

7

<p>I empathize. We had one kid go through public; the other chose the priciest private, a least partly for the music. It’s not just about the music is it? It’s about the involvement of your kid with a group at high school, and if music is your kid’s only or main thing, then you want a way for your kid to keep that involvement and have a like-minded group of kids as potential friends. It might be possible to accomplish that sense of belonging with a group outside of the high school, or not, depending on where you live.</p>

<p>I can tell you we slept better with our kid at the private high school than we did when our other kid was at the public. We knew the families at the private school, the teachers knew us and our kid. Was it worth the money? I couldn’t say.</p>

8

<p>We have a similar concern about DD’s club sport (fencing), which is not available at our public high school but is available locally at private schools. </p>

<p>We told her coach that we have been happy with our public schools but asked him if we should use a certain private school since they offer fencing. </p>

<p>The coach put it this way: if you are otherwise happy with the public school, then you are paying $X thousand per year (insert large number!) simply to have DD be on a school fencing team when club fencing is already available to her. School fencing is a good experience, but is it really worth that much to her and you?</p>

<p>She’s sticking with the public school.</p>

9

<p>It sounds like you’re talking about a good porivate school. Chances are the academics will be better too. If you can afford it and it has better opportunities for DD, I’d go for it. A really good (academically) parochial school is rare. Someone asked about college placement. I don’t believe there is a single parochial school on the list of top feeders to elite colleges.</p>

10

<p>Have you already decided public school is not a consideration? There are some that have pretty good music programs but you’d need to check them out since some don’t. Have you checked out music opportunities outside of school so that the Catholic school can remain a viable option? The money saved can pay for a lot of extracurricular music programs as well as other educational activities including travel.</p>

11

<p>Also remember that if you qualify for financial aid at colleges, they will weigh in the fact that you have a child in private school. Big city privates are past $25K this year!</p>

<p>You may want to post on the prep school forum where there are kids and parents who may have interesting perspectives for you.</p>

12

<p>Actually because the academics at our local public are a mixed bag and particularly poor in math, I don’t consider that school a real option unless my husband loses his job. There are other problems with that school too. We sent our oldest son there a few years ago, and have regrets. Gave it consideration because they have a good (though small) choir. But I can’t justify sending her there only for the choir.</p>

<p>After that experience with our oldest, our next two kids (a son and a daughter) went to one of the cheapest private school options, a nearby Catholic school, which is a pretty good school and has served them well, but the music dept. is poor there. Strangely, my son who went there is considering majoring in music (double major along with math). He quit the orchestra at the Catholic high school after a couple of years because he just couldn’t stand it after that. He took piano lessons privately and did well on the AP music theory test because of his lessons. He would obviously have been much better prepared to pursue his music interests in college had his high school had something more to offer along those lines. The math dept. was pretty good though, so he got what he needed there in that area. And my older daughter who is a mathy/sciency type of girl has also done well there, but has not been involved in music there. But she is interested in other things more, so it is not that big of a deal.</p>

<p>This more expensive private school is very good academically (better than the Catholic school, I’m quite certain), and I would expect it to be a challenge at first for my daughter who is bright but has been lazily coasting in her public middle school. It will be kind of a shock, I’m sure, should she go there, but she is quite capable of doing more academically than she has been up to this point. </p>

<p>One thing that I found interesting was the difference in the entrance exams for the non-parochial private schools and the parochial schools. The test to get into the non-parochial schools was much more difficult, particularly in math. Her math scores were very average on this test. Then when we got the results of the test from the Catholic school, the math scores were MUCH higher (way above average, supposedly). I asked her how did she get so much smarter in just a few weeks? It was very interesting to me to see that.</p>

<p>She could do the outside choir if she chooses the Catholic school. It is a fine organization. However there is no guarantee she will do this. The choir is wonderful, but at her level they want a two year committment.</p>

<p>At the other school she would have more options – a good choir, a good jazz band, and more. </p>

<p>Oh my, it is getting late and that Cosmo I had earlier tonight is not helping me stay awake.</p>

<p>Thanks all of you for your responses. I think my daughter would like to try the expensive school but it is a little scary for her because it would stretch her academically and musically (exciting but scary at the same time). Also, though she knows a couple of kids that go there, most of her friends will be at the Catholic school or the local public. </p>

<p>It is a little scary for me financially (with two college tuitions to pay next year), but the year after that should be better (one will graduate college), but really who knows what the future will bring. I tend to be able to only think ahead one year at a time. My tendency is to advise my daughter to take a leap of faith and go for it. Transferring IN later would be next to impossible (they have between 1 and 4 openings per year they say, after freshman year). But she can always transfer OUT if she has to.</p>

<p>Hmm. I wonder if things will become clear in the morning . . . G’night all.</p>

13

<p>Well - maybe this will help: take the money off the table completely. Pretend both schools are completely free. Then what would you decide? If the answer is the more expensive school, then, go for it. The thing about money is that more of it can always be found - if absolutely necessary, someone can take on a part-time job as a temporary measure; household budgets can be scaled back in some areas, etc. I know this sounds ridiculous but trust me when I tell you that the money always seems to come from somewhere - someone will get a salary increase just in time, etc. Getting the money is the easiest part of the problem to solve. And it IS a very temporary challenge - not like a 30 year mortgage, etc.</p>

<p>The math and academic issues on the other hand can present a far more serious potential problem for your daughter. If I had a “do over”, I would have passed on the catholic high school and sent my daughter to the IB program at the public school. In spite of 4 and 5 scores on 8 AP tests, in spite of 1400 SATs and a 4.0++, when she got to college, she discovered almost immediately that the other students who came from excellent public schools and especially IB programs were far, far ahead of her in math, physics, biology - all the classes that mattered, and the first two years she had to work very hard to come out of those classes with excellent grades. She even had to use tutors provided by the athletic department.</p>

<p>Beyond academics, I also think that 12 years in catholic schools followed by college populated by students from 130 countries and every religion on earth was also an adjustment - a good one, but an adjustment just the same, which in turn diverted energy and focus from academics. In hindsight I think that it may have been more beneficial to get her into a public high school program where she would have had exposure to greater diversity.</p>

<p>Catholic school K-8th grade provided the societal, ethical and religious grounding that I felt strongly about making available, but I think I missed a critical opportunity to get her the very best possible academic grounding in high school, in preparation for college. </p>

<p>Bottom line, with some small effort, more money can always be found, budgets readjusted, but, if your daughter gets into college and does not have the best possible high school academic foundation she could find herself having to work very hard to compensate for it, there are no “do overs” because obviously once that time is gone, it’s gone, and I do think many catholic schools fall short in some academic areas, compared to other high school options.</p>

14

<p>When faced with such a dilemma in the past, we procrastinated. Pay the deposit at the Catholic school to save her spot, then your family can complete your research, maybe a day visit for your daughter before deciding pro or con for the expensive private. The deposit at our school was non-refundable, but having ample time to make the decision was worth it.</p>

15

<p>Well, in case anyone is wondering, she (we) are going for the non-Catholic (expensive) private school. Didn’t put down the $850 for registration this morning for the Catholic school, so it is no longer an option. We’ll find out if this school is worth it this fall, I guess!</p>

<p>latetoschool – I did that with her,asked her which school she would go to if they were all free, and this was the choice. I think she was hesitant to say she liked this one because of the price tag. </p>

<p>sac-- your post #7 says what I’m thinking pretty well. </p>

<p>kirmum – you got the price about right. I’m hoping my older daughter, the senior in high school, will choose a college that costs less than this high school. She does have a couple of options that will cost less than that with the merit $$ she has been offered. I hope she likes them. :)</p>

16

<p>mstee, congratulations, I’m sure she’ll be very happy. And the net-net of it is that the tuition paid will almost certainly leverage itself out in college scholarships later. I looked at the catholic school tuition that way - the AP classes let my daughter enter college with something like 18 transfering credit hours, so…</p>

<p>But even if your older daughter selects the most expensive college option, there are still a variety of financial tools as you know - it’ll all work out - it always does, somehow :)</p>

17

<p>I would move heaven and earth to make sure my child was in as enriching an atmosphere as I could afford. There is nothing in this world like a rich musical environment for a musically gifted child.</p>

<p>Good luck! Sounds like a great decision!</p>

18

<p>

uuuummm…wait a minute there! I don’t think you can count on that at all - not one bit! And, yes I want what’s best for my children - within reason. They can learn a lot in a variety of settings, and enrichment can certainly happen outside of school. That being said, the OP has made a decision, and that’s something to congratulate right there. :)</p>

19

<p>anxiousmom – you are so right. I’m not counting on that, at all. </p>

<p>My very bright sons with the bad grades did not get lots of scholarships (the oldest one got 0 offers). Their sister is doing much better with getting $$ offers and I am LOVING it! – she got better grades. So it is not the school but what the child does there that matters. </p>

<p>And so far we have done a lot of enriching things outside of school, and certainly that’s one thing we thought about doing with the other schools. And probably to the extent that we can we will continue to do some of that, just not as much – or else we’ll be changing schools soon!</p>

<p>Anyway, this is new for us, an experiment. It is a little unsettling pulling away from the pack, sending her to a school away from what is familiar, away from her friends, and away from my friends’ children (how will I know what is going on?) It is a big deal for me to do this. Hence, the postings on CC concerning this development!</p>

20

<p>mstee- I think you made the right decision and I believe you will realize that fairly quickly next fall.</p>