Explain grades/GRE score essay

<p>I am writing an essay to explain having gotten a C in pre-calc and a C in my entrepreneurship class during undergraduate and a low GRE (1060). I graduated in 2009 and spent 2009-2011 starting my own company. In 2011 I started working for merrill lynch as a financial analyst and I am still there. But, now I am looking to go to get a masters in finance…</p>

<p>How is this essay?</p>

<p>A statue – lifeless in form, animate in its purpose. As we stand enraptured before the awe that is David, we see a finished project. Perfected by the hand of his sculptor, we see only his final form, ignorant of his origins. How few pay mind to the strokes of the chisel, vibrant with life, as it pieced away at the marble? Do we see the emotion that defined Michelangelo as he struggled to keep a steady hand, under the pressures and demands of the Renaissance? Eyes blind to the path, we see only our destination. Even the road to Romeo & Juliet is paved with many pages.</p>

<p>I dare say scores accurately reflect ability in many cases. As with our statue, they show only a narrow sight of the end result. Coming from a very close family and even smaller secondary education classes, university life was a difficult acclimation – as is for many. Distance from a lifestyle, 18-years in the making, created a discomfort that wasn’t readily settled before my earliest freshman semester grades were set in stone. From that, however, I learned the need and skills required for adaptation to change. As I positioned myself into a meaningful major, for which I found a passion, my true academic and leadership ability began to shine.</p>

<p>In elementary school, I negotiated my first loan – from my parents. I borrowed twenty-dollars to purchase supplies at a local art store and crafted lizard-shaped key chains out of beads and ribbon. For the next year, I sold thousands of dollars worth of these key chains starting with my classmates and then to local merchants. When I was unable to produce them all myself, I learned how to employ friends and teach them how to make them. In college, I pioneered a newly created position as Advertising Manager and hired a staff that created an advertising venue for our student media. This initiative was responsible for increasing media sales revenue from $4,000 per semester to over $16,000 a semester. Ultimately, during my early employment at Merrill Lynch, I was able to create a wealth management practice that managed over $5 million in assets and generated nearly $32,000 revenue in a single year. Though, etched in stone, my entrepreneurship grade is no depiction on my aptitude to lead, create, or perform.</p>

<p>In 2008, one of the most abysmal economies since the Great Depression, I was tasked with steering a group of students in a national portfolio challenge. With $3.2 million in managed assets, I was responsible for engineering financial models that ultimately led us to win 1st place for the 8th consecutive year. Does a lower GRE or Pre-Calculus score silhouette my ability to successfully manage nearly $300 million in client assets under management at one of the most prestigious firms on Wall Street – Merrill Lynch? My employer didn’t think so and continues to disagree with what these scores may argue otherwise. Was there a correlation between these scores and my ability to comprehend, analyze and interpret market data as an analyst for group netting nearly $1 million dollars in net revenue to the firm and generating over 10% returns in an economically repressed environment? I believe my drive, passion for learning, and cumulative success in my endeavors make me a very appealing candidate regardless of these – what some may consider – “blemishes”.</p>

<p>411 views and no feedback? =(</p>

<p>No one is able to critique?</p>

<p>If colleges see that scores do show success in their program, the point of your essay is invalid. You also use a lot of superfluous language and sentence structure.</p>

<p>is this better?</p>

<p>I dare say scores accurately reflect ability in many cases. The quantitative and analytical aptitude that is required for a career in finance is poorly reflected by my standardized test scores. Throughout my academic career, I have continued to perform on a level that is not captured by the results of my June, 2009 GRE exam. I evidence my strength in these fields by referencing certain collegiate coursework and post-graduate work experience. </p>

<p>Although my academic transcript promotes achievement of a “C” – merely average – in Pre-Calculus, I preformed to a much higher standard in the more rigorous Business Calculus – earning a B. Referencing my quantitative work in applied mathematics such as statistics, I engaged in complex upper-level coursework in this field including Biostatistical Methods and Quantitative Methods and received a “B” in both. Further, as college is an opportunity to challenge one’s intellectual fortitude, I proceeded to triumph in one of the most demanding courses of my academic career, Forecasting and Time-Series Analysis, where I triumphed as one of two with an “A” for the semester. When pressed with a challenge, I continually rise to the occasion to overcome obstacles, either physical or intellectual.</p>

<p>As a testament to my applied ability in finance, my transcript reflects that I have never received less than a “B” and my overall average reflects a much higher potential. I have always maintained a high level of comprehension and competence in quantitative environments, thus my performance in upper level financial coursework reflects an aptitude much greater than what standardized scores indicate. To illustrate, I achieved an “A-” in the most challenging finance elective the university offers. In this class, Equity Fund Management, 20 students are selected for eligibility to enroll and are responsible for managing $3.2 million of the university endowment. The program challenges students to create and employ complex financial models to indentify value in securities. As a result of excellence in the program, I was elected to a leadership position and our team championed our eighth consecutive first-place title in a national portfolio competition. </p>

<p>As my career has progressed beyond college work, for two years, I have maintained a highly quantitative and analytical role with one of Wall Street’s most prestigious investment firms, Merrill Lynch. As a financial analyst at the firm, I work with a team of senior bankers in the rebalancing and maintenance of a ~$270 million portfolio of equities and fixed income. Here, my role is to identify client risk tolerance and utilize extensive market research and financial models to seek additional value for our overall portfolio. I also play a critical role in the overall construction in our proprietary portfolios that we maintain as part of our core asset-allocation and growth-strategies. I have further honed my attention to fine detail through tasks including composition of performance reports, presenting recommendations, and compiling accurate monthly and annual profit/loss reports. It is within this capacity that I have proven an ability to successfully interpret, digest and solve complex quantitative issues within my desired field.</p>