My S25 had a cumulative 3.9 GPA but then got a 3.1 second semester sophomore year. He had a very rigorous course load but the reason was due to a bad breakup with his longtime girlfriend that involved also being cheated on by his best friend. He could barely get out of bed let alone take tests. We got him in therapy right away and worked with his guidance counselor at his large public school. He’s back to a 4.1 1st semester junior year but the damage is done. Should we ask his guidance counselor to explain the dip or does a mental health issue need to be kept under wraps?
My honest opinion is that explaining this would not help him. First of all, yes, mental health issues can be tricky. The underlying problem is that colleges need to be 100% confident that the issues have been fully resolved - which isn’t always the case with mental health and, even when it is the case, can be hard to prove.
Second, his mental health issue stemmed from an interpersonal relationship. I am sure it was absolutely devastating to him, and that is totally understandable. But my concern is that an AO will look at that and worry that he won’t be able to handle the interpersonal challenges that often come with college life - whether roommate issues, romantic relationships that go south, or whatever. They may worry that if something like that happens again while he is on campus that he will struggle again. Hopefully his therapist has given him good tools to help him when and if something like this happens again. But it could be hard to fully convince an AO of this and that might leave some doubt in their minds about his ability to thrive on campus during times of personal challenge.
That is my opinion. I look forward to seeing what others think, however, as it is obviously a sticky situation.
13 Likes
Yes, that’s what I was thinking as well. Obviously 16yr olds have very big emotions and he’s grown a ton through the experience but we would never want to put him in a situation where an AO is questioning his capacity to deal with adversity. Hes a 4yr varsity athlete who is used to competition and actually does very well under pressure. But this situation just gutted him. Thank you for your thoughts on this!
I know a professor who told me that he thinks that all of the smartest and strongest students that he has ever had, at some point in their lives have dealt with depression. I think that “all” may be an exaggeration, but I also think that this is very common.
Students can have a bad semester for other reasons as well, such as being sick. I think universities know that high school students (and people) are not robots, and that we have good times and tough times. I also think that one bad semester will not stop a student from getting into a very good university. It might not be Harvard or MIT (??), but it will be a very good university where someone can get a very good education.
I think that the main thing is to come back strong junior year. I have seen a few cases such as this when a student had an uneven record that some universities have come back and asked for their mid term grades senior year. Some universities will do this and some will not. At the very least having a strong senior year will also help in other ways (eg to get a student ready to do well in university).
Of course, bad breakups also happen among university students, and sometimes coworkers.
To me it sounds like this most likely does not need to be mentioned. One bad semester is not that unusual. 3.1 is not really all that bad. Actually, managing a 3.1 when everything had gone bad (I hesitate to use a stronger word) might be as impressive as pulling off an unweighted 4.0 in a semester where things are going well.
It sounds like your son’s guidance counselor already knows about this. They most likely know whether to mention it in a letter of reference.
2 Likes
This would not be something that should be explained.
He got a 3.1.
it’s not life or death.
So he won’t go to Harvard.
He learned a lot - and it stinks. I can’t imagine. The life lessons there are huge and if he’s come back strong, he’s learned resilence.
Maybe it’s an overcoming adversity essay.
But it’s not a reason to justify getting a 3.1 - which by the way - isn’t so horrible if you think about it.
It’s hard to know at 15 but the girl and his friend both weren’t worthy of his attention.
Best of luck to him.
4 Likes
This is a good way to think about it. There is a tough thing here for parents to deal with.
We want our children to be safe and happy. However, we also want our children to grow up and be responsible and resilient adults. Sometimes the child (or the young adult who is also our child) going through tough times gives us more confidence that they will be able to handle these issues in the future, including after we are gone.
Probably most of us older parents have dealt with similar issues. A daughter goes on vacation to South America or Europe. Will something bad happen? Then she comes back and had a great trip. A child breaks up with a significant other right before exams. We get to remind our child (who might be more or less an adult at this point) that they worked hard to get to university and to get to the point that they are on track to get the degree that they are working for, don’t lose sight of the big goal.
However, sometimes a child is depressed enough or sick enough that you have to take a step back to make sure that they just get through it, and then later we can all figure out how to deal with the consequences. Sometimes “drink enough fluids so that your kidneys don’t shut down and get some sleep at night” is as much as we can hope for. Then they recover and we deal with it.
And relatively speaking one semester with a 3.1 is not really all that bad. Many of us have seen something similar, and the kids come through the other side and still end up doing well.
5 Likes
I attended a gifted school from 4th - 12th grade. As it was such a small school, close relationships were formed, such that many of us are still friends a good 30 years post-graduation. Anyway, this is often a topic of lively debate among alumni of this school as nearly everyone has dealt with either severe depression and/or substance abuse issues or similar or both at some point during their lives. There does seem to be a strong correlation. But that is a topic for a different thread…
2 Likes
We explained grade issues on the Common App under Additional Information. DS’s life-long friend committed suicide sophomore year, he lived in a different state so there were no support services for my son, and our guidance counselor would not write about it, at least that we know of. (Friend was a loving over-achieving kid, amazing family. We were blindsided.) My son really did not face it until writing essays for colleges, all of which we ended up throwing away, but were cathartic. We ended up with a general essay briefly explaining the grief, then focusing on how it changed DS interaction with others, made him more empathetic and understanding that he may not know the burdens others are carrying – all of which is true.
HTHs
I think you should just say there were some mental health challenges that required seeking professional help. No need for the details. I know this is not the case here, but a breakup is a seemingly common situation that might make an AO roll their eyes and wonder if the applicant can overcome other situations that will for sure come up that are similar to this. Again, I know this is not the case here, but a brief glance at the situation (which is all they have time for) might cause this way of thinking.
Interesting. He is actually a GT kid with a very high IQ.
Thanks for that example - what a great use of therapeutic writing as well as weaving that into the bigger picture. I have a feeling my son will not want to write about it but maybe there’s something he could include about a “strong sense of right and wrong” which is what he really grappled with.
1 Like
It can help him long term if he thinks about how he got out of the depression. And I do think that growth is helpful to AOs, because really, it is how we face adversity that sets us apart.
The day after the suicide I brought my son to the gym. A trainer I had shared the info with went up to my son, fist bumped him, and said “We’re going to roll with the punches.” The two lifted together and the physicality of it made a huge difference that day. DS started a regular lifting routine and focused on his sport (over his grades), but those things helped him to get through the immediate grief. The real buried grief came out when writing college essays over a year later.
Each case is different, we were a thousand miles away from the life long (summer) friend. It was easier for all of to think it wasn’t real. So very different from having to see the people who betrayed you daily in school. Your son might now have a different vision for himself or his future, value certain character traits more, have empathy for others who’ve been treated unfairly etc.
This topic was automatically closed 180 days after the last reply. If you’d like to reply, please flag the thread for moderator attention.