Extra Curricular Activity Essay (Smaller one)

College Essays
1

<p>This isn’t my essay, essay, it’s just the smaller one that you are supposed to use to “elaborate on an extra curricular activity”. I’m really comfortable with expository papers (obviously, been writing them since 7th grade) but this kind of self-analytical thing is pretty new to me so I would greatly appreciated some feedback!</p>

<p>To be uncomfortable, that is, to find oneself in a position in which one dislikes his current situation, is something I always tried to avoid in my first two years of high school. As a result, I tended to disassociate myself from anything that involved public speaking, or, for that matter, anything that involved the communication of my thoughts to others. All of this changed, however, with my decision to join my school’s Campus Ministry Board in my junior year. In particular, by forcing me to give morning announcements and to write blurbs for the school newsletter, Campus Ministry made me more confident both in my opinions and in my ability to convey them to other people. More importantly, however, was my role as a leader for the seventh and ninth grade retreats. These experiences, coupled with my newly found self-confidence, allowed me to overcome my fear of public speaking, to give back to my school and to help incoming students understand how influential their new school can be.</p>

2

<p>I thought the beginning sentence was a little wordy and confusing. My DS is just now writing his essays of for scholarship apps so I have had some recent exposure to essays. The advice in most of the essay books was to cut down on extra words. Maybe try something like this for the beginning:</p>

<p>For my first two years of high school I tended to disassociate myself from anything that involved public speaking, or, for that matter, anything that involved the communication of my thoughts to others. All of this changed, however, with my decision to join my school’s Campus Ministry Board in my junior year.</p>