<p>Thanks so much for reading guys. I want to have this essay checked. Please let me know if there are any errors or anything I should add. Also, do you think its a smart idea to talk about a religious activity? Its my favorite extracurricular but I don’t know if it will weaken my application. Thanks :)</p>
<pre><code> Of all the extracurricular activities that I participate in, Teen Bible Quiz is the most important and influential of them. Ive been participating in it for nearly ten years and it has completely impacted my life since then. Bible quizzing has helped me to grow both spiritually and mentally as a person in more ways than one.
Bible quizzing is the studying and quoting of the Bible followed by competitive quizzing on various levels. Bible quizzing itself is split into three sections, junior, novice and A - League bible quizzing based on age levels. There are four levels of competition: city, state, regional, and national levels. Advancing to each level is the most exciting thing.Ive had the opportunity to travel all over the country and meeting other teenagers my age. In addition, Ive been able to further my knowledge of the Bible.
Bible Quizzing has had both a positive and negative impact on my life as well. By studying and memorizing whole books of the bible, my studying habits have improved. This has helped me with studying for school. I tried different methods of studying until I found one that was perfect for me and therefore applied it to anything that I needed to get down pact. Also, I became competent in managing my time better. Before bible quiz, I always had a hard time with organizing my schedule. While studying for bible quiz, I realized that time was of the essence and that if I wanted to be successful, I would have to plan my time effectively. Otherwise, I would never get important things done. As was mentioned before, meeting different people from nearly every state in the country has been very influential to me. Bible quiz has exposed me to other teens of various ethnic groups, economic, and social status. This has been a very rewarding and educational experience. Finally, but not lastly, bible quiz has enhanced my growth as a Christian. I have a better understanding of the Bible and relationship with God.
There has also been some negative effects as well. Bible quizzing can be very stressful and tiring. It requires many hours of studying on your own time in addition to practices twice a week. This was especially a hardship for me because I attend school in Manhattan and arrive home late, so usually as soon as I get home on wednesdays, I have to go straight to practice until nine, then come home and do my homework. With the course load Ive had, finding time to study has certainly been a challenge.
Despite the few negative results of bible quizzing, the positive results pretty much negate them. Being in bible quiz has been very rewarding in my growth as an individual. I am so happy that I was given the opportunity to be a part of it. Ive met so many people that have become great friends of mine and have also enriched my life greatly. Ive matured mentally and spiritually. If I could continue to participate in bible quiz, I would. In fact, sometimes I wish that I could stay in high school so that I could be involved in this exciting experience.
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<p>I’m doing early decision for Barnard. I’m also applying to Columbia U, Ithaca College, Sarah Lawrence College, Binghamton U, Cornell U, Northeastern U, U of Chicago, Colgate U, and Duke U. Some of these are a stretch, but I’m still going to try. :)</p>
<p>I think it is ok about the religious activity since it is unique. But maybe you could tell some details about you do the quiz instead of stating its influence so much?
It is just my opinion.</p>
<p>ok, maybe i’m being harsh, but here’s my take on it…</p>
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<p>don’t tell me it’s impacted your life. don’t tell me it’s helped you grow. show me. </p>
<p>your first sentence is generic, and the other 2 don’t really tell me much. why should i believe that you’ve grown or whatever? i need concrete proof. i need to look at what you did and say “wow, he grew”. i don’t need you to tell me.</p>
<p>honestly, if I was you, i would just sell bible quizzing. make it sound like the most interesting in the world. make the adcom WANT to read your essay - throw in a hook at the start, etc.
right now, your essay starts like almost every other essay.</p>
<p>again, sorry if i was harsh, really not trying to be, but you’re applying to some super competitive schools and you’re gonna need to really sell yourself</p>
<p>I totally agree with Johnny. This needs to be much more succinct. I am bored of it by the end. Too much on how it impacts your studies etc. it should be much tighter and tell more about you as a person. Read the Gelb book. Show, don’t tell. Good luck.</p>
<p>@Johnny - I don’t think you’re being harsh at all. But what exactly do you mean by show, not tell? Should I give more concrete examples or something? I didn’t want to be too specific because, I mean, it’s a religious topic and who knows who would be reading my essay? But please elaborate on what you mean?</p>
<p>@hunbun - They give you 1000 words, doesn’t mean you have to use it all. lol</p>
<p>no…hunbun is right, it is 1000 CHARACTERS not words.</p>
<p>I think what they mean by show not tell is that you keep saying that this experience affected you. But you need more solid examples of HOW. for example…
Bible quiz has exposed me to other teens of various ethnic groups, economic, and social status. This has been a very rewarding and educational experience.
who did you meet from another ethnic group? how was it rewarding and educational? paint a picture of your experience.</p>
<p>you can also go through this essay and cut down on word count by eliminating arbitrary phrases. I notice you repeat what you already said, but in different words.</p>