eye contact

Colleges & Universities University of California - Berkeley
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<p>What do you guys do when talking to others? I noticed that people tend to just stare at each other’s eyes while talking with little wavering.</p>

<p>I have not been able to do this. When talking to someone, I look at their eyes for maybe a second or two and then quickly look away. I am unable to hold extended time, as it requires some effort. Sometimes, I feel I stare too long and then dart my eyes quickly away, making things more awkward.</p>

<p>It feels strange to me to look at someone’s eyes so long while talking… it just feels too intense for some reason. Maybe it’s the way I was brought up, I don’t know, but other people don’t seem to have a problem with it. Is it normal to stare into the other person’s eyes so long while talking?</p>

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<p>What is this doing on the UC Berkeley forum?</p>

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<p>I feel the same way to some extent. I have made a cercerted effort over the last few months to improve on this and I have noticed some definite improvements. Staring into anothers eyes is a little intense, like you said. Trying to retain your train of thought is a little tricky for me as I try and focus on only keeping eye contact. I am not sure why it’s difficult, some of my friends just tell me they don’t even think about it, second nature of sorts, so I’m not sure why I am different, but I do feel a little nervous sometimes when it is an eye to eye conversation like you bring up.</p>

4

<p>haha this totally describes me.</p>

5

<p>Yeah, I look away every once a while, but usually I make a triangle on their forehead and just switch my eyes between them to make it look like i’m not staring them down without ending up staring at something awkward like their mouth.</p>

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<p>This is a hilarious thread. An aversion to eye contact means you are uncomfortable speaking to people because you lack confidence. If you can’t look someone in the eyes when you speak to them then you are submitting yourself as inferior to them. Anyone who knows anything about communication will tell you that maintaining eye contact is important for effective converstation.</p>

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<p>Staring at them forever makes you look freaky. Might make you look dominant, but you’ll be freaky.</p>

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<p>Well, the length of eye contact can vary with culture as well, doesn’t always depend on your level of confidence. In some cultures, it’s normal not to look directly into someone’s eyes while communicating, especially if they’re a different gender or someone elder. </p>

<p>But anyway, I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling of being uncomfortable when holding eye-contact more than 6-7 seconds. What I usually do is I dart my eyes to the person’s right or left for 1-2 seconds, and look back again. It helps loosen the intensity, but you want that person to know you’re still paying attention. I suggest you practice making eye-contact in increasingly longer periods of time till you start feeling comfortable holding it for at least 5-6 seconds.</p>

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<p>lol fiesta. </p>

<p>i always thought i was alone because i always look at people right in the eye and have difficulty remembering to look elsewhere and you have the opsite problem. but yeah, just alternate between looking in their eyes and elsewhere.</p>

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<p>This thread sums up the awkwardness of CC’ers pretty well.</p>

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<p>When people look into my eyes, they fall deeply in love with me. Call it an infatuation I guess. That’s why I wear sunglasses until I meet a hot girl. Which only comes around in a blue moon.</p>

<p>Oh yeah,
8. They’ll Hold Your Gaze
Sometimes a liar is so intent on proving his sincerity he’ll stare into your eyes for an uncomfortably long time, trying to prove to you that he has nothing to hide. lol</p>

12

<p>you gotta look them straight in their eyes! well think of it this way, if you keep looking away, ppl might think you’re not listening</p>

<p>i’m not even sure how you can practice it, because its not really something you should think about, or it’ll show haha</p>

<p>hmmm do u guys have this problem only with acquaintances/strangers? or u have trouble having eye contact with even your good friends?</p>

13

<p>lol, yeah you might try the “College Life” section.
but this sort of thing definitely does vary with culture, actually. Where I grew up, it was pretty offensive to look someone in the eye (specifically someone of the opposite sex)… That was a long ways from the U.S. though, and here it’s pretty necessary. </p>

<p>It might be easier for you to look people in the eye while you’re listening to them than while talking, so maybe start with that. Nothing wrong with looking away now and then either, just try not to look at the ground - try your hands if you’re gesturing, something focal in the room (TV, your desk… there’s usually something), or your watch if you want them to go away ;). It’s really just about seeming A) interested in what the other person is saying and B) feeling comfortable. cheers.</p>

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<p>i like this thread.</p>

<p>i have trouble looking people in the eye. anyone really. even close friends, albeit it’s a little easier.</p>

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<p>derekjn: I used to assume the same thing, but I think it may actually vary from culture to culture. I’ve heard that in some cultures it’s viewed as aggressive to maintain eye contact for long amounts of time. And I think some people who are generally confident may be raised in environments in which eye contact is not emphasized.</p>