<p>Dh’s cousin sent me a friend request months ago. I have not accepted him. This morning, he sends me a msg to ask why not. Geez, why can’t he just accept that I don’t want to friend him? I have my reasons – and wrote back and told them what they are – but I just find it odd that instead of letting it lie, he demands to know why.</p>
<p>I don’t think either of you were rude. Many of us have a policy of not crossing certain boundaries on Facebook. I think he was misguided to ask why–he might not like what he hears.</p>
<p>Yeah, I decided rude is the wrong word, but couldn’t come up with something better. Maybe just odd.</p>
<p>It is a bit odd…he obviously really wants to reconnect with you or with your family.</p>
<p>…another reason why I’m not on Facebook. It’s a medium that by its nature inadvertently creates interpersonal drama and hurt feelings where there were no issues before.</p>
<p>I think it’s a rare occasion that someone is going to ask you “why” you didn’t accept. And, as mentioned many times before, keep in mind - those of you who do Facebook or don’t - that you can also accept a friend but give them very limited access to your info.</p>
<p>He just responded to me. After commenting on my reasons he said, “No prob. Thanks for the clarity.”</p>
<p>Gosh, now I DO feel bad. Oh well. I’m sure I’ll get over it.</p>
<p>You can always friend some one with whom you want to avoid drama, but put them on a limited status. You can control what they see, no wall, no others posts, etc, yet maybe allow them to see photo albums etc.</p>
<p>I had a few weeks where some old HS friends were friending me in a flurry, but I remembered almost none of them, I was afraid it was brain freeze &/or maiden name/ married name so friended them, but limited what they could see to photo albums from the 80s and earlier. I figured they could then see the old me and decide if we did know each other. I find there are many familiar names, but I don’t remember any pertinent info, like who they hung out with or what they did in HS.</p>
<p>Sadly when I drug out my old year books, I still did not really remember then, so I can subtly unfriend them, but did not risk missing someone whose name was momentarily unfamiliar.</p>
<p>I did ask an old friend why she didn’t accept my friend request. Once you send someone a request, unfortunately (for them) when they become friends with OTHER people, it shows up on your wall, so you know they are not just offline or don’t know how to do the friend thing.
I was concerned that there was a problem and, frankly, I wanted to know. She never did answer me, but did add me as a friend. Not the outcome I hoped for, but the whole thing was very strange. It is correct that facebook is a whole new set of social rules.</p>
<p>I didn’t know that, MOWC. If you’re not friends, why would anything about you show up on their wall? Harumph.</p>
<p>I actually like this cousin personally, but I’ve noticed that he’ll often post argumentative things on others’ walls when it comes to politics, and I don’t like that. We’re on the “same side” politically, but that’s just not what I want to read on FB. I hope he was cool with that – and maybe gave him pause to think about how he comes across.</p>
<p>I think you can friend someone and make it so that their comments won’t show up on your feed. That way you can see the photos of his kids and grandkids and avoid all the political stuff. But then that doesn’t get across the point some find his political rantings obnoxious.</p>
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<p>I discovered I was creating unnecessary interpersonal drama on Facebook inadvertently, and I pretty much no longer use it.</p>
<p>It was too difficult because I didn’t necessarily want all 150 friends to see everything that I post, and since there is no classy way to indicate who gets to see what post, it is too complicated.</p>
<p>In my case, I don’t necessarily want my cousins, nieces, newphews, brothers, sisters, sisters in law to see every picture of my children as they grow up. Some of my relatives have certain jealousy issues (not uncommon), so I wouldn’t show them those pictures. The problem is then another relative would say “did you see the picture where…” and the first relative is offended that they didn’t see it.</p>
<p>Much simpler to e-mail or have them visit in person.</p>
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<p>It’s a privacy setting. By default, Facebook lets Friends of Friends see your posts. You can change it to Friends Only.</p>
<p>I have blocked news feed from people who post a lot of political things. I just am not interested in that on facebook. I am still their friend, so if I want to see their wall, I can go to it, and they can see my posts etc.</p>
<p>Here are some problem issues for me in Facebook.</p>
<p>My wife is planning on using formula. Some women are passionate about breast feeding and will be offended that she is not doing the same. Normally, I just don’t send that particular person anything about bottle feeding…but with Facebook, it’s pretty much an all or nothing deal. So I either post pictures of my kid using a bottle and take the flack that that relative sends us, or just not show pictures to anybody at all.</p>
<p>We live in a big house. It’s also an old house that is falling apart. Some relatives (apartment dwellers) are envious of living in a big house. So I don’t send them pictures of our house. Problem is, other relatives would like to see pictures of our life like the baby room and the playroom and things like that. So I either make the house-jealous person jealous or not post any of those pictures on Facebook at all.</p>
<p>Other relatives are jealous about the position that I hold. It’s normal to post things about one’s work. But if I post things, that makes that relative jealous and then I have to deal with that. Normally I just wouldn’t talk with that relative about my job. But with Facebook, they all get to see.</p>
<p>There will be more. But I’ve decided not to post anything at all because of the family interpersonal issues. It’s just simpler. If they want to know what is going on, call or e-mail.</p>
<p>MOWC, I know about friends of friends, but I thought that was only stuff both of the friends posted on the mutual friend’s wall. For instance, I am not friends with my HS bf, but we have more than a dozen mutual friends, and I can see what he posts on their walls. But I can’t see what’s on his wall.</p>
<p>baby, that’s why I don’t friend people and then restrict them. I either want them to be a part of all my FB life or none of it. I think it’s ruder to friend someone and then only let them see a sliver of your life then not friend them at all.</p>
<p>NEW FACEBOOK OPTIONS are rolling out this month. You can friend people and place them is categories–friends, work, family, etc. Certain catagories will see limited things, like no pics, or no status updates. This way, you can friend someone, and they will only see limited things. You can do this now, but it is manual and very labor intensive. Now, you will be able to friend then and put them in a catagory that spells out what limited things you want them to see.</p>
<p>This will roll out slowing over the next month.</p>
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<p>His privacy setting is set to Friends Only. </p>
<p>Mine is set to Everyone, which means the Whole World. You can see all of my posts if you knew my name. Facebook changed it for me a while back and I haven’t changed it to Friends Only or Friends of Friends.</p>
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<p>The problem is nobody is going to know which category everybody else is in…so you won’t know what somebody else is or is not seeing in Facebook. That system will be a complete disaster!</p>
<p>Of course, nobody would put their mother in a different group than their brother, right?</p>
<p>Facebook announced that they were starting to roll out a new “groups” option, which was supposed to make it easier to select smaller subgroups to send things to [Facebook's</a> New Groups Feature Worries Some - Yahoo! News](<a href=“http://news.yahoo.com/s/pcworld/20101008/tc_pcworld/facebooksnewgroupsfeatureworriessome]Facebook’s”>http://news.yahoo.com/s/pcworld/20101008/tc_pcworld/facebooksnewgroupsfeatureworriessome) according to this there are some issues being raised. Heres info on the rollout:
<a href=“Redirecting...”>Redirecting...;
<p>Can anyone explain this – how will it work?</p>