<p>Back in my day, when kids went off to college, many of the high school friendships were left behind. I’m now noticing on my freshman son’s FB page that his contact with his HS crowd is showing no signs of slowing. It seems as though FB and texting could mean that these ties remain just as strong as ever. Not saying this is bad because my S has a great group of HS friends, but some could argue that it might slow the growing up process. After all, part of the college experience is about going out of your comfort zone and all kinds of new people. </p>
<p>Why does using facebook and texting old friends prevent going out of your comfort zone and meeting all kinds of new people? I don’t think those are mutually exclusive.</p>
<p>It also seems a bit harsh to say that the growing up process means abandoning all ties to childhood friends.</p>
<p>Cbug, I can see your point of view. Sometimes (for some people) it’s easier to just live in Facebook/texting land inbetween classes and not branch out as much because you can keep attached to the “old life” more easily/frequently.</p>
<p>Cbug, I definitely see your point. I gradually lost touch with hs friends as my new life in college became more all-consuming. I do remember corresponding (letter-writing, ha) with 2 or 3 good hs friends for several years during and after college, but after awhile we had less and less in common. Not as people, but in terms of shared life experiences. FB and texting could bridge that gap. But I’m not sure that’s a good thing. I think the distancing of old connections is often precisely the motivation for getting out there and making new ones.</p>
<p>I’m sure he are meeting new people at college as well. Just because they talk on facebook doesn’t mean they are still as close as they were back in HS. My opinion is that if they were someone I wanted to keep in touch with, I would. I have a couple of friends from high school (mind you this was 10 years ago) that I still hang out with on a regular basis… I have a few other high school friends that I occasionally communicate with on facebook, but haven’t actually seen in years. Same thing is happening with college friends… I still hang out with some of them, even though it’s been 5 years, but there are quite a few that I have on there that I haven’t seen since graduation. We still chat on there occasionally but I would say we are more of past acquaintences now. Now the same thing is happening with past and present co-workers, I have a bunch of them added on there. It’s just a never ending cycle, I think. ;)</p>
<p>Actually, it may be time to do some “spring cleaning” of the friends list - lol!</p>
<p>I saw a lot more of that kind of keeping in touch last year vs this year (s’s second in college). It actually tapered off following winter break and into summer. I am sure that will also drop off again as he is not going to be in town for T-giving and only for a few days over Christmas break. This summer he is hoping for an internship not in our home town. So… those facebook comments will surely be less and less… and texting seems to be more a way of making plans vs long conversations. The good news is that in the limited time he IS home he doesn’t have to waste time looking for his friends and that will be a good thing that social networking will work to their advantage. </p>
<p>Let’s just ask this… if you as an adult have a facebook, how many old HS and college friends have you reconnected with? I’ve found it really rather nice to find these old (and I mean that in the nicest way possible) faces again.</p>
<p>Texting can be great. As a mom, I like that I can send a brief message back and forth with my kids without greatly interrupting their lives. Just a brief text exchange with them can be really reassuring and help me feel connected to them. </p>
<p>It can also be a crutch for someone who is having difficulty at their new college. At some point it becomes detrimental - how can you really meet new people if you spend all your time with your face in your phone, texting your old friends? D went thru this with her BF - well, now he’s her former BF. He was unhappy at his school, and texted D 24/7. She told him he needed to stop texting her and get out and meet people, but he didn’t do it until she broke up with him. Since then, the college he “hated” has become pretty cool… </p>
<p>Facebook has always been a two-edged sword. It’s a way to show off how much fun you’re having with your friends, and a way to make others feel left out (look at all the fun we had at the event you weren’t invited to). It’s a way to stay connected to friends and family far away. In any event, it’s not going away. Social Media are here to stay, like them or hate them, so we need to learn to integrate them into our lives in a healthy way.</p>
<p>Only in America. In every other part of the world, teens do not move away to meet new people and grow. They usually go to a nearby college, have the same friends and make more. This whole “going away to college to develop as a human being” is way overrated and mostly an American concept. It really doesn’t matter. </p>
<p>People around the world mature and grow and -gasp!- are as developed as Americans. They don’t have to abandon their highschool friends, having their parents pay $50,000 a year to move a physical distance from their parents and live in an artificial world called a “dorm” for four years to achieve that.</p>
<p>even though my son is dorming, i agree with you. there’s nothing ‘wrong’ or intellectually/emotionally stunting about keeping high school friends! keep the good ones, and add on new ones. the more the merrier!</p>
<p>this site can give u a warped view of what the ‘typical american’ is like. i’ve read some stuff on here that doesn’t line up with anything in my world. guess that’s why i keep checking in and reading…to see what new (and often outlandish) worldview presents itself.</p>
<p>Obviously there’s nothing wrong with keeping in touch with old friends. But for some, it can become a barrier to making new ones.</p>
<p>My D had a terrible time adjusting to college last year as a freshman; she was dreadfully homesick and spent most of her time skyping, facebooking and texting with high school friends. I’m not saying that the technology prevented her from making new friends, but for those who are predisposed to staying stuck in the past, social media provides an easy way to do so. In fact, D herself has told me that if it hadn’t been so easy to interact with old friends back home, she would have been forced to make new ones where she was. It would have been tougher at first, but eventually probably would have been better.</p>
<p>I agree that FB can play a role in keeping kids in touch with their old friends but I don’t think it means that they aren’t making new friends as well. I’m of the belief that you can’t have too many friends. My daughter (25), keeps in touch with her HS as well as her undergrad college friends and is making new friends as a grad student. She was in a HS and a College friends wedding this year. She’s also introduced HS and College friends to each other and in one case, they stayed friends and continued to do things with each other after she moved away. IMO, it’s great to be able to go home and have friends there. My oldest son (23), OTOH, has barely kept in touch with his HS or his College friends despite facebook. Make new friends, but keep the old…</p>
<p>My D went to college in the era of IM’ing, ten years ago (pre-text, FB, etc). She made few friends at her school, but spent much time connected with HS friends.</p>
<p>However, I think the cause and effect were the other way around. When she transfered soph year to a school equally far away, she had no trouble making friends at the new school. The HS friendships weren’t holding her back; she just didn’t fit well at the first school. Keeping in touch with old friends kept her from being even unhappier than she was.</p>
<p>And I agree with Starbright and calimami about how our idea of norms is really a product of one time period and one subset of people in that time. We see that mindset here a lot (like the adults living with parents thread), but as Cali says, I don’t think it reflects everyone’s norm.</p>
<p>If my college freshman were spending a lot of time on facebook talking to friends who were h.s. seniors I would be a little bit worried he/she wasn’t “moving on”, but if my college freshman were regularly “talking” to kids he or she graduated with and comparing notes, I would think that was fine. Yes, make new friends but keep the old. Plus, you can learn from your friends’ experiences. </p>
<p>I remember telling my daughter to occasionally actually TALK (phone or skype) to her h.s. friends when she was stressed when she was a freshman; sometimes a familiar voice (not a parent’s voice!) is a real lift, more so than text messages and facebook contact.</p>
<p>So what we see here in this thread, is that from kid to kid, the benefits/negatives can be varied. For some, the communication can be a crutch. For some, the communication is not a barrier. </p>
<p>What is points out though, whether beneficial or a crutch, it shows how communication and contact is SO important to people and that they crave the interaction and attention it gives. As with most things, it’s finding that happy medium. :)</p>
<p>I am still in touch with a core group of high school friends and 2 teachers from high school 40 years later. I have never felt stunted in any way. Seems like each stage of my life has provided me with good friends along the way. I’m glad kids today have something like FB but it is not preventing these kids from growing or making new friends.</p>
<p>I think kids tend to stay in touch with those high school friends with whom they have something in common–the others fall away. My D is very social and has managed to bring her hs friends together with some of her college friends. I don’t think FB or texting has kept her from making new friends or has kept her from going out of her comfort zone. When she studied in Moscow last fall, she introduced (via Facebook) a Russian friend to a group of her camp friends (where she works in the summer) and the Russian friend ended up working at the camp as a nanny for staff kids.</p>