Facebook / Twitter etc - good idea for HS kids or not?

Parent Cafe
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<p>As a family we tend to guard our privacy, for this reason we’ve not allowed our kids to have Facebook, Twitter, or other social media accounts.
Now I’m wondering if that’s a disadvantage for my HS junior in applying to colleges in terms of “showing interest” etc?</p>

<p>On the plus side, not having a social media presence means that colleges admissions offices won’t find objectionable content (dumb joke/photo/etc) if they google her.
On the other hand, is no presence at all a bad thing?</p>

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<p>Can’t speak to your question. I imagine - unless applying to some super-selective program - that admissions officers spend much or any time trying to track down a person’s online profile. It might come into play if there was some incident while at college though.</p>

<p>There are ways to lock down accounts so that very little is accessible outside one’s immediate social circle. Unfortunately, too many teens do not practice this - but it can be done. Still - if your student is going to “participate” in a college page, or whatever - it will be hard to mask their online presence. Fight as you may against it - it is where society has gone, and I think you should make an effort to embrace it within reason. </p>

<p>I would say that not having a social presence may make them feel “ostracized” at school, but if your HS junior is doing just fine at the moment - then I wouldn’t worry about it.</p>

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<p>As an aside, FB is easier to monitor/moderate as a parent (and a big part of why students these days pay less attention to it). Twitter, SnapChat, etc … and other various “instant expression” sites are more in vogue… </p>

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<p>I don’t think social media is needed to show interest in a college; just go on their website and sign up for mailings. I do think social media is here to stay so you need to teach your teen how to use it appropriately. I see social media as at a huge time waster, however, there are advantages to learning to manage their time and use resources properly. There are positive uses for social media. The teams and clubs at our school usually have closed Facebook pages to disseminate information to the members. Those without Facebook would be out of the loop. The colleges set up closed Facebook pages for admitted students to mingle, share information and find roommates. </p>

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<p>My D does not use our very unique last name on her facebook. It has annoyed some of her friends at college, but the get over it. They now know the name she uses. Her account would not come up on google since her last name is not on it.</p>

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<p>These are my opinions only, and every parent has to decide what is in their own child’s best interest. The reality is that communication is evolving and has always evolved from the time man first set foot on this planet. We communicate differently than our parents communicated, who communicated differently than their parents. Similarly, our children have tools and mechanisms available to them that we could not have imagined just a few years ago.</p>

<p>Today, I think it is critical for young people (and not so young people) to understand and know how to utilize the tools that are available to them. What I want is for my children to know how to navigate this world and to leverage the tools that are available today, and to not be afraid of tools that will become available tomorrow.</p>

<p>Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other social media tools are immensely powerful. Knowing how to use them for good is just as important as understanding how to avoid the pitfalls these tools bring.</p>

<p>Teaching our children how to use them appropriately is every bit as important as teaching them about sex. I don’t believe we should be avoiding these topics, but rather, we should be learning as much as we can about them, so we can guide our children, just as we do about sex, drugs and being a good person.</p>

<p>In my opinion, a HS junior is old enough to be using Facebook and Twitter. Interestingly, Facebook has increasingly become the social media of choice for parents and middle aged adults. Teens are tiring of it. My HS senior son had to reactivate his account to participate in some of the college communities. He has virtually met several students who will be attending his school this fall. Other than that, he does not use Facebook, and I expect in the coming months he will once again deactivate his account.</p>

<p>Facebook can be very useful during the college process, as many schools have Facebook pages for prospective and admitted students. It provides a platform for the kids to get to know one another, and it is another mechanism for kids to get a “feel” for the students who are interested in the school.</p>

<p>Twitter can also be useful for keeping up with prospective colleges, especially their admissions departments. I would absolutely recommend the parents take advantage of Twitter feeds to learn more about the colleges your kids are considering. Twitter is a primary communication vehicle for many schools.</p>

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<p>I agree with you completely, Themcoos. My D’s EC sends out information via FB, our school parent group does as well. The kids have used Instragram for photo projects at school, and many other programs as well-it’s a digital age. To forbid your kids from using them at all is going to hold them back from some EC’s. </p>

<p>But I agree that it isn’t needed to “show interest”. Facebook WAS the way my D and some of her cousins “met” college roommates and classmates, however. And Twitter can be a goldmine to keep up with alerts for things like crime, traffic, weather, etc. </p>

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<p>I agree that it’s not necessary but that it’s the way of the world so teaching your child how to navigate social media is better to do while she’s at home. The things mentioned here – don’t use her whole real name, lock it down tight, etc – will make you feel better. One of ds2’s friends in college didn’t have a FB until he got to college.</p>

<p>We never got our kids iPhones because we couldn’t afford the data plan. Also, I didn’t want them to have constant, instant online access. I’m glad we went that route as they never got involved in the drama. As I type, one of my best friends is meeting with her seventh-grader’s principal because the dd gave out her password (doh!) to a “friend” who then gave it to others and they proceeded to flood her Instagram account with porn.</p>

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<p>I can’t speak to the usefulness for gauging “interest,” but–Facebook has been a godsend for me during high school. In middle school I felt so isolated from my friends because we would go home and never be able to talk because I didn’t have a phone either. When I got a FB sophomore year, it opened up options for keeping in contact with people I met at camp, people who graduated before I did, family, and my close friends. It will be instrumental as we go off to different colleges next year–one of my friends to California, others to various regions of Pennsylvania, etc. I don’t see a point to keeping kids from their friends online. It’s a “time-waster”? If your kids are productive, they will BE productive. I have FB and I’m sixth in my class. It hasn’t negatively affected my life at all.</p>

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<p>Thanks for adding from a teen perspective, Bodangles.</p>

<p>If I may ask, what was your parents involvement/input in your introduction to virtual society?</p>

<p>I agree that productive students learn how to moderate the “time wasting” portion (and it is very useful for collaborating on labs, etc). Also - like you, my D has found it invaluable to maintain the friendships she developed in camp and through swimming. </p>

<p>I will also say that if you generally trust your children to behave in socially acceptable ways in real world interactions, they usually deserve that trust in virtual ones. My daughter may occasionally slip a “cuss” word in Twitter - but would never be involved in the seamy/unsavory things that you may be imagining make a college admissions officer gasp.</p>

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<p>Regiolanthe:
My parents did not let me make a FB until sophomore year, when my mom set one up for me. They used to have my password but I believe I’ve changed it since then. I’m friends with both of my parents and my sister on there, and I have very rarely posted anything that they thought should not be online (one particular complaint–“I’m so never having kids”–my mom thought I shouldn’t put online, so I took it down. :P). They are, however, adamant about not friending or giving out personal information to people I don’t know or don’t like, with which I agree. They monitor what I post (my mom more so than my dad) but I think they have both relaxed about my use of social media since they let me make a Facebook.</p>

<p>I also agree about collaborating on labs, etc. Last year, while I was in AP Chem, my friend made a FB group where those of us in the class could help each other and remind everyone about when homework and tests were due. Planning events like prom, homecoming, or movie nights is also a lot easier over FB than over text.</p>

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<p>I would agree, as a parent, to making sure your child knows how to use these responsibly. We have always gone slow on tech. My girls were probably the last to have cell phones and texting. We finally went to texting when it was clear that one D was missing out on information that was texted out by tennis coach (who assumed everyone got it). D’s in college use FB in varying ways…one has set up groups for classes or projects, the other is in closed group for info on pledge class or roommates. So at some point your child might be at disadvantage by not using social media. As HS students, my Ds had to give me their log ins for FB and friend me and I did keep up. Even if they change passwords later, it’s good training to think that your mom might read what you post.:)</p>

<p>I don’t think not having social media will negatively impact applications, but having it and having inappropriate content will. It’s good to teach the lesson that anything you say can be found and lives forever. BTW, several of Ds’ friends go by first/middle name so that can’t be searched on by last name, but can be found by close friends.</p>

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<p>I don’t think staying off social media hurts your kids in college applications. I do think keeping them off hurts them in other ways as noted by Themclos. Social media can be useful for gaining info and setting up meetings with bigger groups. It is more nimble than email or a website. Just teach your kids how to use it responsibly. </p>

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<p>We are probably on early side of FB. D got her account at 13 but her FB friends included parents of her friends, teachers, aunts, uncles and me. All the parents made our children friend all the other parents as well as the kids. With so many adult eyes, the kids learned over 3,4 years how to behave on social media. </p>

<p>D now mainly uses FB as a way to coordinate movie nights among a group of friends. I don’t think she has reached out to colleges via FB, Google +, tumblr, Twitter. As far as I can tell, she’s trying to contain/limit college out reach (way too much email and mail; she doesn’t want them to "stalk"her in another media).</p>

<p>I agree that keeping your child away from social media and texting can hurt more than protect socially. D still has a few friends without cellphones (so no texting) or off FB. It is hard to communicate with them on the fly; D does a good job of remembering to reach out using alternate means but she admits it’s a pain.</p>

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<p>One thing that has proven very valuable for us is that D’s school held a digital awareness assembly in which several experts and formerly online-stalked/bullied kids spoke about how to make good choices about social media. So while we do have D’s passwords and are FB friends with her, and restrict the times she can be on her phone (she is only a freshman), she has taken the lead to tell us when someone is crossing a line for her.</p>

<p>Just last night she told us about a boy at school who is being very rude and mean to her because she won’t go out with him. She has blocked him on her social media and asked her dad to block him from her phone altogether. Social media isn’t only about your own kids posting but others as well. If you have sensible kids though, there’s no need to keep them out of the loop completely.</p>

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<p>I think if your kids are interested in using social media, it’s much more important to teach them how to use it safely and intelligently. I wouldn’t worry about it in terms of “showing interest,” but if your kids are going to use it eventually, it’s a good idea to drill into them now that the things you post online are there forever. Teach them to be smart about what they post online (even email–I’m still shocked at how few students are able to email someone professionally) and to know that their online presence is an extension of themselves, not someone entirely different. Your kids can be as private or as public as they want to be on the internet, and it’s better to figure that out now.</p>

<p>Facebook can also be helpful in college as well. Clubs can send out event info, students can ask each other questions or share notes or form study groups, kids can keep in touch with their friends from high school or college friends who move far away, events can be organized among friend groups, etc.</p>

<p>If they’re not interested in social media, though, there’s no point in making them get one for the sake of getting one. I highly doubt it will matter in college admissions.</p>

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<p>How do you know for sure that your kids do not have a Facebook account? It’s easy to set up an account with privacy settings that would prevent you from seeing their account at all.</p>

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<p>^ Furthermore, if they DO have a facebook account, it’s very easy to customize settings so that mum and the family do not see them. That is harder with twitter and IG, I think but you can use different names and whatnot. Tumblr is pretty anonymous by nature…</p>

<p>As a teenager, I think social media can be a huge waste of time - trends come and go quickly. Conversely, it is an excellent tool. There are college FB groups, FB groups for in- school activities, IG is used for projects etc. etc. I run a ‘business FB’ page for one of my volunteer groups and we have a twitter as well.</p>

<p>On an individual level, a number of my friends have ‘professional twitter’ and linkedin accounts where we can post media/blog stuff we’ve done and ‘connect’ with others. I have come across a number of cool opportunities by connecting with people through facebook groups and the like. In fact, since most people are pretty liberal with who they add on the site, facebook sometimes feels like the new linkedin. Anyway, I also have a friend that has bought her ‘name.com’ url and another who has an ‘about.me’ page. Having a strong online presence can definitely be helpful. </p>

<p>The caveat is that anything that goes on the internet can be used against you. Pictures can be shared, tweets can be screenshotted etc. If you share your photos to reddit or other ‘forum-type’ websites, it is easy enough to be ‘doxxed’ or tracked down. The best thing one can do is try and instill a strong sense of caution and thoughtfulness in his or her offspring. I mean, friend groups vary, but the majority of kids I know keep very clean and restricted facebook and twitter accounts. I think snapchat/whatsapp/texting photos is more commonly used for dumb stuff but I think it’s possible to use SM without destroying your image. </p>