<p>Our 16 yr. old asked if he could join Facebook and we said he could. Is he too old for us to ask for his password for an occasional check? We will definitely get our daughter’s when she gets hers this summer at 13, but I wasn’t sure about our son, considering his age. Any thoughts?</p>
<p>You could mandate that he be friends with you and allow you full aspect to his facebook that way. That way, you could make sure that he knows how to use it in an appropriate way. After you teach him that, you could allow him to unfriend you during or after his senior year in high school – if he wants to unfriend you.</p>
<p>I know college students, including my son, who by choice have their parents and other mature adults as FB friends. From what I’ve seen, these are the more mature students who aren’t putting up immature things like drunken pictures or rants.</p>
<p>There also are plenty of students and young adults who think that FB is the place to put drunken and half naked pictures of themselves…</p>
<p>Thanks, Northstar, that sounds like the right thing to me. I have my own account and have seen lots of bikini clad girls from my daughter’s 7th grade class and can’t help wondering, “Has their mother SEEN these?”.</p>
<p>Being a friend doesn’t guarantee you’ll see everything, they can still you out. My son’s aren’t my friends, but I’ve seen their pages on occassion and they seem to be behaving responsibly. My nieces and nephews (ages 15 -21) are friends with all their relatives. It’s nice to see what they are up to. I think for a 16 year old you can set ground rules you are comfortable with.</p>
<p>I will voice a dissenting opinion here - I think having access to a child’s Facebook account is like reading their e-mails or listening in on their telephone conversations.</p>
<p>If your child is generally responsible, I would just let them join without expecting to monitor it.</p>
<p>Note that you will be able to see their profile picture even if they do not friend you.</p>
<p>At 16 I would not expect access to the facebook page or to be “friended”. (that said, I would snoop, but I know that is an unpopular position on this forum 
)</p>
<p>I am a friend on both my son’s facebook pages (18 and 14). They did this voluntarily. I don’t snoop on their pages much but my older son likes to message back and forth with me. He is friends with many adult relatives and doesn’t seem the list bit freaked out. I respect his privacy generally and so he doesn’t feel the need to be that private I guess. Now that he is 18 and ready to go off to college I would understand if he de-friended me. That’d be okay.</p>
<p>But with all the inappropriate stuff going around…I think keeping an eye on your underage kids is reasonable.</p>
<p>My kids give me all their passwords. I never go look (and if I did I would have them be present) but I am sorry…with internet porn, sexting, inappropriate picture posting and the rest–>keep an eye on your kids!</p>
<p>I don’t agree that access to Facebook is like reading your child’s mail or eavesdropping on a phone call. It is something that is able to be seen by 100s of other viewers all at once , not to mention the potential for others you don’t intend - ie the parent with a password to <em>their</em> child’s account, the friend of a friend, etc. My policy in HS was that I had to have the password.</p>
<p>E-mails can be forwarded to anyone, as can pictures sent to a cell phone, yet to read these would be considered an intrusion by my children.</p>
<p>They would feel the same way about my ability to “eavesdrop” on the conversations that take place on Facebook.</p>
<p>I think it is also a good idea to discuss with your 16 year old that anyone ( college admission counselors, teachers, bosses, etc can see profile pictures and more). Go over the privacy options and have him keep it as private as possible. Both of my sons have added me; as have many nieces and nephews. If they want private communication they can email or message their friends. It is important for him to realize that if he writes on someones wall, everyone they are friends with can see that etc. My advice to my kids was don’t put anything up that you wouldn’t say in public. If all that is the case, he shouldn’t have any problem with you being on his friend list.</p>
<p>I have 16yo ds’s password but have never used it. Just him knowing I reserve the right to pop in at anytime no doubt removes any possible temptation to do something dumb. But, truthfully, I trust him, which is why I’ve never looked.</p>
<p>Oldest D joined Facebook at 17, to keep in touch with friends from a summer program. I have never asked for her info and have never seen her page. I will not allow youngest D (14) to join yet. There is absolutely no reason for her to be on Facebook. Once I consider her old enough, I probably won’t ask for her password.</p>
<p>Had a rush of HS, college and current friends request to be Facebook friends. So I made a (lame) profile. I was surprised that quite a few of my kids’ friends asked me to be their friend when I finally made a profile. Both my kids are friends too. Odd thing is that it made me respect my kids’ privacy more. I don’t lurk them and they’re not worried about what I’d see if I did.</p>
<p>I’m not friends with my sons, but several of our adult acquaintances at church are. That’s how I found out my 13-year-old was posting at 2 am! So far, there hasn’t been anything inappropriate. I sent a friend request to my son, just to freak him out! It worked.</p>
<p>It does depend on the child. At 16 mine all had facebook and friended me. They know I look through their posts - it’s apparently called stalking and they often joke about my stalking. I do it not so much to investigate but with a near empty-nest, I have no life Soon after he went to college, my son removed my ability to see his photo albums as he did not want me to see only partying and worry about grades. Mmmm…well that did not exactly reassure me but I understood. I know my other kids will tell me if there is anything untoward going on.</p>
<p>You could just add your son, that would be a better way to check up on him. Then again, he could put you on his limited profile so…</p>
<p>Fendrock, I disagree with you. If the kid allows you to be his “friend” then there is no eavesdropping. It’s not like email or a phone conversation - in those cases, the message is sent to one person with the anticipation that one person will see it. If you post something on someone’s wall, you know all of that person’s friends will see it. I am constantly reminding my kids that their Walls are PUBLIC. Most people have their Friends list visible, so the fact that Mom is a friend is no secret.</p>
<p>If the son is agreeable to having mom as a Friend I think that’s an excellent idea. She can see his facebook, but not his friends (hence, no snooping). </p>
<p>If not, it is not unreasonable to tell him he will need you to show you the facebook once a month or so. </p>
<p>As for the 13 year old, I would require their password so I could check it myself. That’s too young to be posting on the web without supervision.</p>
<p>He prob already has a facebook you do not know about! Interesting switch here when I recently finally made my own Facebook page - my kids asked to friend me but I said no! Some of their friends asked too, but I said no one under 30! If you have not tried it, I find facebook actually pretty boring. I do get concerned when teachers friend their students. One of my D’s teachers has a policy of no friending until the student is 18. Good policy. And I sometimes wonder if the private schools encourage teacher friending to keep tabs on the pulse of the school. Be wary! Another piece of advice - our private school punished some students for posting photos that were sexually provocative and showed drinking in them - the reason the school claimed they could use this against the students is that the students joined a facebook group for the school, so now what they posted represented the school. Make sure your kids are aware of such things. Oh, and when your kid accidentlly leaves their computer open to their facebook page, buy all means take a look around!</p>
<p>“Oh, and when your kid accidently leaves their computer open to their facebook page, buy all means take a look around!/”</p>
<p>hee hee. 8-)</p>