<p>P.S. I hope you haven’t conveyed to your daughter that she is a second class student. She is studying at one of the most competitive and well regarded universities in the country. </p>
<p>I am curious…she was accepted EA to U of Chicago, and received an early likely letter from Yale…what happened that made her choose Stanford?</p>
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<p>Then please work with her and don’t make her leave. I know the grades are a shock because she’s now a small fish in a very very smart pond. But I think she can do this. Please work with her and with her academic adviser, and show her that you believe in her, and continue to support her studies at Stanford.</p>
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<p>Or we have faith that the stories shared here are … entirely true. My money would not be on it being the case here.</p>
<p>^^^^^
Agree!</p>
<p>sadly agree. ^^^.</p>
<p>^thinking the same, with the shift in tone.</p>
<p>But, all the “I’m gonna pull his lousy butt out of there” tales drive me up a wall. I do feel parents can exert a lot of control in hs (and often, should.) Once the kid hits college, especially a rigorous one, our role recedes to support, guidance, advice. It can be tough, yeah. </p>
<p>In this case, my worry is untreated/inadequately supported ADHD and high expectations.</p>
<p>Wondering if this is the student posting because the parents have indicated they would like to see an upward trend. After all…this account apparently was started in January by the STUDENT…who had gotten an EA acceptance to Chicago, and was about to take a fully funded trip to Yale.</p>
<p>I HOPE it’s not the student saying, “Accommodations are available but it is not the solution. The quarter system is very demanding and not fitting for students with disabilities that require more time to process the material.” That’s giving up before you try. That doesn’t seem like a first-hand experience looking into support and pursuing it.</p>
<p>Oh, well.</p>
<p>moderators note</p>
<p>Rainbowgirl’s mom; if you are going to continue with this thread, you are going to have to set up your own account separate from your daughter as per CC TOS.</p>
<p>thank you</p>
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<p>If your daughter’s goal is to get a masters and PhD I think that you (or she) would be making a HUGE mistake to leave Stanford under these circumstances.</p>
<p>She has an opportunity at Stanford to clean up her grades. I know of many students who were on probation at the end of their freshman years but were able to recover and do well in subsequent years. </p>
<p>There are some colleges that see it as a primary mission to prepare future PhD’s and there are some colleges that see it as a primary mission to prepare future school teachers. I mean no offense to school teachers by this observation-- the universities are focusing on serving the students that they have. I had two kids with the same major, one who completed school at a CSU (Calif. Stat Univ), and one who completed school at at an Ivy-equivalent. They were taking the same courses with the same titles, but the approach and expectations were very different. The CSU was far more practical in its approach – the elite college’s approach was more esoteric.</p>
<p>Stanford is a good college for future Ph.D’s. Your daughter is not going to be able to get into an equivalent college at this point – maybe if she enrolls in a community college and does very well, that option will be open to her down the line in the future, but she might be putting herself on a very different academic track. </p>
<p>If you had written that your daughter had a different goal, I might have a different take. I have been through the process myself – the kid who graduated from the CSU started out at a more elite college, did poorly, and later completed the degree elsewhere. For him, it was a better decision – but he doesn’t aspire to a Ph.D. </p>
<p>Is it possible for your daughter to take a leave of absence from Stanford, preserving her option to return? The best option might be for her to use the coming year to live at home and take classes at a local university part time, perhaps only one course per semester – if she does well and the course credit is transferable back to Stanford, it will help boost her GPA and perhaps that will improve her study habits.</p>
<p>However, the other mistake you are making is with the attitude “work can wait.” When my son left school #1, he was planning to do exactly as I suggested above – live at home and attend college part time, but at the last minute he decided to take a job instead. He had worked for a month at a summer job, quit to return to school, and he turned around and asked for his job back. That was the very best decision he could have ever made. He ended up working for 3 years. The job was great for his self-esteem and even better for building good work habits and organizational skills. My son’s early college difficulties could also be attributable to ADHD-type problems, particularly with poor organizational skills and difficulty meeting deadlines – but after 3 years working in some very high stress and demanding environments, he returned to school as a much more capable student. He was easily able to manage a full school schedule along with a 20-hour per week job.</p>
<p>Each person’s path is different, but sometimes a paying job provides a much better foundation for a future education than the classroom environment. </p>
<p>Don’t close doors or burn bridges, and don’t close your mind to possible options. You may be right that the quarter system at Stanford is not a good match for your daughter’s learning style, but I think that you will do better if you can find a way to preserve her ability to return, at least until you know that there is an option for your daughter that you and she find preferable to returning to Stanford.</p>