<p>I’m not sure if this is the right forum for this, but I could really use some advice.</p>
<p>I was accepted at Northwestern, my first choice, back in late March, but when my financial aid package arrived, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to attend. My grandma called that same day, asking about the FA package, and I told her about the situation. She instructed me to hold off on sending my SIR to my state university, because she was going to try to help me out. I assumed that she meant assisting my parents financially, and initially, I was very grateful and surprised by her offer. </p>
<p>Apparently, her plan actually involved harassing several of my close relatives for money. I did not tell her to do this, but the relatives are convinced otherwise (and now think I’m a terrible person). Since April, when all of this happened, they have refused to talk to me, ignored my birthday (they’ve called every year prior to this), and didn’t attend my graduation–something that was really important to me. Ouch. :(</p>
<p>I don’t know how to fix thisI’ve never been confronted with anything like this before. I feel profoundly depressed about the whole situation, and at this point, I seriously wish that NU had just rejected me. I’m going to the state university in the fall, but I’m not upset about that anymore. I just want things to be the way they were before the whole NU business, when half of the family didn’t hate me. But I don’t know if that’s possible anymore. </p>
<p>I feel really lost, and any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.</p>
<p>Send a letter to your relatives explaining what you explained in the top paragraph. They will either accept your explanation or they will not.</p>
<p>Are you positive your parents were not involved in this?</p>
<p>If it was just grandma? Just tell them you are extremely sorry for the misunderstanding, that you never ever expected they would pay for anything at all, that you had no idea they were being contacted and you miss them terribly and would just like things to go back to the way that they were.</p>
<p>If your parents were involved? I don’t know what to tell you.</p>
<p>Good luck. Things like this can get messy, but this, too, shall pass.</p>
<p>I would either talk to grandma myself and ask her to explain that you had nothing to do with this to the relatives, or better yet, ask your parents to get her to do this. In my family my paternal grandmother tends to stir up trouble once in a while, and it is a family rule that it is my father’s job to rein her in.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry to hear that this happened to you.</p>
<p>Maybe there is a diplomatic way for your parents to communicate to your relatives that you didn’t have anything to do with this. Maybe there’s a kind way for them to say that your (older) grandma didn’t “think things through” before she made the decision to ask for money. </p>
<p>I hope there is some kind of resolution to this so that your relatives don’t spend the next 20-30 years thinking wrongly about you. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t leave this up to grandma to straighten this out.</p>
<p>I imagine that these people didn’t come to your graduation because they thought there would be some kind of confrontation about money.</p>
<p>I feel really badly for you that you got stuck in the middle of this. </p>
<p>I think mailing or emailing the letter explaining exactly what you told us is your best bet. If they chose not to believe you then I’m not sure what else you can do - you can ask Grandma to 'fess up, but that may or may not happen. Sounds like if she’d do something like this, she may have done other inappropriate things in the past, so maybe they will believe you.</p>
<p>Anyway, it’s not your fault and try to remember that! Good luck.</p>
<p>It seems almost a bit bizarre to me, or like some key details are missing perhaps. Which relatives? Half your family? Close or far away? So relatives in different homes/locations and they have all collectively decided to ignore you? So for example, when you call they hang up? And they all talked among themselves and agreed not to call on your birthday this year nor attend your graduation? And what have you, your grandma or parents said or done so far? Do they also hang up on your parents and grandma? And how do you know they see you responsible (vs. your parents or grandma) and what exactly did grandma do/say (what is harassment)? And what did your parents do through all of this? And why such a strong collective reaction? </p>
<p>Given the generality, it is hard to offer useful advice.</p>
<p>I think first step is to talk to Grammy. She needs to know that you didn’t understand “her helping” actually meant her hitting up your relatives for dough. You could have done that.
Let her know her intentions were good but that the help she provided has soured attitudes around you.
Sadly, this is a mess. If she learns her begging has caused ill will, she may be mad at those who are mad at you. They might get mad at her- or madder at you. This is a tough spot.</p>
<p>I think the first step is to talk to your PARENTS…explain what you perceive as the situation. If it’s as you say…the perent who belongs to this grandmother needs to talk to her. Then the parent should straighten this out. Leaving it to grandma will cause no end of continued problems.</p>
<p>Yes, talk to your parents first. Find out from them to see if this isn’t the first time Grandma drives everyone crazy with a scheme. If it is, then you, your parents, and Grandma should get together and discuss this. Then you write to your relatives, stating your plan and how you had not seen this happening before. If it is not, find out who does the “reining” and let that person take care of Grandma and other relatives in question.</p>
<p>Sometimes when grandparents care just a tad too much, they go overboard. Realize that your grandma is only thinking the best for you and make sure you say thank you and you appreciating her thoughts but this is just not the way to go about helping you financially.</p>