Fascinating research about teaching kids about race. Upends many assumptions

Parent Cafe
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<p>"In our new book, NurtureShock, we argue that many modern strategies for nurturing children are backfiring—because key twists in the science have been overlooked. Small corrections in our thinking today could alter the character of society long term, one future citizen at a time. The way white families introduce the concept of race to their children is a prime example.</p>

<p>For decades, it was assumed that children see race only when society points it out to them. However, child-development researchers have increasingly begun to question that presumption. They argue that children see racial differences as much as they see the difference between pink and blue—but we tell kids that “pink” means for girls and “blue” is for boys. “White” and “black” are mysteries we leave them to figure out on their own.</p>

<p>It takes remarkably little for children to develop in-group preferences. Vittrup’s mentor at the University of Texas, Rebecca Bigler, ran an experiment in three preschool classrooms, where 4- and 5-year-olds were lined up and given T shirts. Half the kids were randomly given blue T shirts, half red. The children wore the shirts for three weeks. During that time, the teachers never mentioned their colors and never grouped the kids by shirt color.</p>

<p>The kids didn’t segregate in their behavior. They played with each other freely at recess. But when asked which color team was better to belong to, or which team might win a race, they chose their own color. They believed they were smarter than the other color. “The Reds never showed hatred for Blues,” Bigler observed. "It was more like, ‘Blues are fine, but not as good as us.’ " When Reds were asked how many Reds were nice, they’d answer, “All of us.” Asked how many Blues were nice, they’d answer, “Some.” Some of the Blues were mean, and some were dumb—but not the Reds.</p>

<p>Bigler’s experiment seems to show how children will use whatever you give them to create divisions—seeming to confirm that race becomes an issue only if we make it an issue. So why does Bigler think it’s important to talk to children about race as early as the age of 3…</p>

<p>We might imagine we’re creating color-blind environments for children, but differences in skin color or hair or weight are like differences in gender—they’re plainly visible. Even if no teacher or parent mentions race, kids will use skin color on their own, the same way they use T-shirt colors. Bigler contends that children extend their shared appearances much further—believing that those who look similar to them enjoy the same things they do. Anything a child doesn’t like thus belongs to those who look the least similar to him. The spontaneous tendency to assume your group shares characteristics—such as niceness, or smarts—is called essentialism."
[Even</a> Babies Discriminate: A NurtureShock Excerpt. | Newsweek Life | Newsweek.com](<a href=“http://www.newsweek.com/id/214989/page/2]Even”>http://www.newsweek.com/id/214989/page/2)</p>

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<p>I really don’t think wearing a colored t-shirt (which can be removed at any time) can be equated with the experience of being of a certain race.</p>

<p>I can see how the kids thought it was like being on a team though.</p>

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<p>I think it was a very clever experiment that proves what my own experience with kids (my own and others) shows–that kids are very aware of these differences very early. And the shirts were a very clever proxy for race. Yes, parents have to discuss this, but I understand that for many white parents that will be difficult. It is a touchy subject. </p>

<p>My take, howver, is that kids learn about this stuff not so much from what their parents say, but from what they do. </p>

<p>The kids that I have know who seem to be least affected by ignorant or ugly racial attitudes are kids whose parents meet and interact with parents of other ethnicities AS PEERS. When white kids for instance, see their parents regularly interacting with black friends at church or at the black neighbor’s barbecue or bringing black friends from work home or something similar, they get the clear idea that friendship and common interests are what matter, not color or ethnicity. Of course, the same thing can be said for what black children see thier parents doing with regard to white or Latino or Jewish adults or any other ethnic group–take your pick. </p>

<p>Of course, this means that adults must live a more integrated life, which is not something a lot of us do–not for real. Most of us live in homogenous communities, send our kids to homogeneous schools , camps, houses of worship, and the like. Outside of work, many of us have little if any contact with those of other races, and if so it is often perfunctory or not as peers, e.g. the white family with the Mexican gardener of the Jamaican nanny. </p>

<p>Talking with yr kids about race is important. But ultimately, talk is cheap.</p>

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<p>When my daughter was 3, we were at the pediatrician’s office. She was playing with a little black girl, and a little white girl came up and said to my daughter, “We are white, you know.” My daughter looked down at her shirt and said, “No, I’m not, I’m PINK!!!”</p>

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<p>Similar studies have been done in all white schools where kids were separated by who had blue vs brown eyes. (Well not quite equivalent since those studies were doing things like allowing special water fountains for blue eyes and stuff like that.)</p>

<p>We made a choice to look for an integrated community. And even within our town their are areas that are more or less homogeneous - we chose a community that is very deliberately integrated and has been since the 1950s.</p>

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<p>This reminds me of an incident in raising our own kid that surprised me and made me think. We live in a mixed-race neighborhood of Boston. From day one, our son has seen white, black, Latino, and Asian people everywhere he went. We were happy to think that he would grow up taking racial differences for granted. </p>

<p>So we were shocked (not to mention embarrassed) when one day at about age three or four, he piped up quite loudly while we stood in line at the bank: “Why are there so many brown people in the world?” Most of the people in line with us were African American. I saw faces turn toward us, mostly with mild amusement and some curiosity as to how we would respond. I forget exactly what we said–something like, “because people come in different colors, that’s just how we are.” Or maybe, “for the same reason there are so many pink people.” Or something. We certainly didn’t get into any historical or genetic explanations with a preschooler. </p>

<p>Anyway, we learned that day that kids need surprisingly little prompting to see racial difference and wonder about it. Of course it’s a long and (thankfully) preventable step from seeing difference to hating and fearing it.</p>

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<p>It seems like a basic human trait to be attracted to people who look like you. It seems more like tribalism than “essentialism”, whatever that means. I’ve noticed that most couples choose mates that almost look like siblings, although you’ll occasionally have the extreme opposite (like my H & I who are not even the same race). What that says about my sense of identification, I’m not sure!</p>

<p>However, having lived in NYC all my adult life, I’ve noticed in myself that I tend towards people who share very specific traits, especially in terms of class and education, but not race or ethnicity. So I do discriminate, I guess, although not on the basis of skin color.</p>

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<p>I thought race doesn’t exist or something. Now I’m gonna have to change my outlook again. Damnit.</p>

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<p>I never though that and I must have ignored it in my classes. My assumption is that children see different colors of skin but it’s only through adapting their cultures attitude towards those skin colors that racism comes to be. Children notice differences in eye color but it doesn’t mean anything to them because it doesn’t means very little in the overall culture. </p>

<p>My cousin and I are different races. I have no memory of this, but when we were toddlers, I noticed my cousins palm was the same color as my skin and I declared that she was “turning my color.” That same week I developed tan lines and we decided that I was turning her color. We had long, involved discussions about it in the bathtime over the course of the summer that involved finding evidence that we were turning the same (we had the same colors eye) and ignoring the evidence that didn’t fit (deciding that our different hair didn’t matter.) </p>

<p>We demanded answers from our mothers about who was going to change when and then flatly disbelieved them when they told us. A few times one or both us got upset. Then we lost interest in it.</p>

<p>I wish I could remember those dicussions.</p>

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<p>I’ll share two stories: years ago, my family lived in Ann Arbor and we attended a very ethnically diverse church with many students. A mixed couple who were students had recently begun to attend and we had them over for some home cooking. He was from Jamaica and she was from rural Michigan. When they came through the door, my innocent 3 yr old daughter said to the young lady “Is this your brother?” She based this on what she had seen modelled in our congregation. You can’t pay money for those life lessons.</p>

<p>Secondly (and a bit humorous): a young white child was in the restroom with lots of other ladies at church. Sitting nearby, an African American mother was breast feeding her infant. The girl said in a loud voice to her mom: “Does she get chocolate milk?” Everyone had a great laugh.</p>

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<p>In our very white suburb a family adopted a young black boy who had been terribly abused. There was a story in the local newspaper about the adoption and abuse. Kids were talking on the playground about it and one girl went home very upset. Her mom assumed that it was because of the abuse that had happened but she said to her mom “Why didn’t you tell me that Jim was adopted!”</p>

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<p>I’m not sure that what I read in the OP (blue and pink t-shirts) would be easy to transfer to skin color. It’s all just so simplistic. I find that very feminine, calm preschool girly-girls are usually very attracted to others of the same nature. I cannot imagine one picking someone of a certain skin color to be a part of her “we” group, over the pleasure of playing with a friend of similiar temperment and interests. I think very athletic boys tend to congregate, as well as the Lego guys. </p>

<p>I’ve spent a lot of time around little kids, and while I am sure that they notice a number of different things about another person’s appearance, whether they assign something positive, negative, or neutral to those observations is learned. Skin, hair, etc. - not so important. Duplo blocks, trucks, soccer balls, baby dolls, and kitchen sets - very important. What trumps everything is social skills (more important than interests).</p>

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<p>When I read stuff like this, I wonder, “Do any of those researchers even have kids??” None of those sentences were true in my experience with my three children. My kids noticed differences in skin color/race right away (Anyone remember Gulla-gulla Island? That was a house favorite) and commented on it, without any prompting at all from us. We also never told our kids “pink is for girls and blue is for boys,” (does anyone still do this?) but both Ds nearly always chose the pink thing on their own (one more often than the other).</p>

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<p>I’ve noticed that both little girls and boys like pink, but the little boys learn very early to go for the blue. In this country, at least.</p>

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<p>S2’s favorite color was pink until he started pre-school. I had a couple of very low key non girly shirts with pink stripes and Moms always assumed he was a girl if he wore them.</p>

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<p>My S always liked pink and even in high school, he will still wear it (favorite color is purple now). But it was my Ds who, from the time they could communicate, nearly always reached for the pink when given a choice.</p>

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<p>My oldest daughter has always been aware of gradations of color, but it’s never been clear to me that she was ever aware of race as a small child. Her best friend was light-skinned black, and that translated to “mocha” from my daughter. Some of my daughter’s relatives on hubby’s side are dark-skinned Italian Americans and daughter noted that some of them were “beige” or “gray” (which I guess meant “olive”). In her way, she just viewed everyone as their own particular shade and didn’t group people together. She is going to start her student teaching next week (!) in a middle school that’s almost exclusively African or African American. I think the students will do well with someone who sees them as the unique individuals that they are.</p>

<p>My son started middle school yesterday in a NYC public school which is, of course, very diverse. It was a heart-rending and pretty terrible day. The only (I mean ONLY) bright spot was one teacher who seemed to “like children” and be “kind to people.” When I asked him to tell me about her, he described her as a lady with “dreadlocks ALL THE WAY down her back.” He was beyond impressed by discipline required to grow her hair that long as he always has a crew cut.</p>

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<p>It would be interesting to repeat this experiment with each group having members of a variety of races. If the kids still prefer their own shirt color group, and their group consists of white, black, asian or mixed heritage children, it seems this experiment is more about being on a “red/blue” team than being about race.</p>

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<p>“My oldest daughter has always been aware of gradations of color, but it’s never been clear to me that she was ever aware of race as a small child.”</p>

<p>That makes sense. Race is a construct that differs according to what society you’re in. For instance, in Brazil, people are categorized into 12 races depending on skin, hair texture, eye color, and facial features. People can be full siblings yet categorized into different races. </p>

<p>One could just as easily categorize people into races based on hair color as skin tones.</p>

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<p>I think kids would have to be pretty unobservant not to notice skin color, hair color, body size etc.
Kids also pick up on how others( adults) perceive those visual differences ( if at all) and may or may not adjust their perception of those traits. </p>

<p>For instance- when I was in 1st grade and the teacher asked the class what we wanted to be when we grew up, I responded that I wanted to be a doctor.
Not because I was interested in medicine at five years old, but because I had noticed that girls were treated differently than boys outside of the classroom & I wanted to see what the teacher said.
Unfortunately, she was all too predictable & said I could be a nurse or a teacher or a secretary, not a doctor.</p>

<p>We all categorize people, but we should be honest with ourselves about our preconceptions so that we can more accurately deal with what actually matters.</p>