<p>Personally, I think it’s very touching. Just because someone is now a woman doesn’t mean they can’t still be a good, supportive father.</p>
<p>[Mombian</a> Blog Archive Trans Parent, Gay Son: Pride Across the Generations](<a href=“http://www.mombian.com/2008/06/09/trans-parent-gay-son-pride-across-the-generations/]Mombian”>Trans Parent, Gay Son: Pride Across the Generations - Mombian)</p>
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<p>This “good, supportive father” hasn’t seen his daughter in six years because he chose hormone treatments over a realationship with her. That’s good? That’s supportive?</p>
<p>Why should she (the correct pronoun for someone in her situation) have to choose between seeing her daughter on the one hand, and, on the other hand, living as herself and continuing with the medical treatment that one assumes her doctors prescribed for her – from what I understand, the only medical treatment that’s ever been shown to be the least bit effective for this kind of condition? </p>
<p>If there’s anyone responsible for Ms. Abernathy’s estrangement from her daughter, it’s the former spouse, for using her prejudices, and her anger at Ms. Abernathy (however justified it may be as between them) as an excuse for preventing her daughter from having a relationship with her father. Not to mention rejecting her son, and kicking him out, for being gay. I think that if there’s a Hell, there’s a special place in it for parents who reject and effectively abandon their children – for any reason, let alone that. That sort of reaction is simply inconceivable to me. As is alienation of one’s child from the other parent.</p>
<p>From everything I know, being transgendered doesn’t affect people’s ability to be good parents any more than being gay does. I’m sure Ms. Abernathy’s son is very grateful that he has his father, and that his father loves him. Whatever his father happens to look like, and whether his father is a man or a woman. That’s why I posted the story. I thought, as I said, that it was touching.</p>
<p>“If there’s anyone responsible for Ms. Abernathy’s estrangement from her daughter, it’s the former spouse”</p>
<p>Well, and the law. Former spouses don’t generally have the power to prevent a non-custodial parent from visiting the child. Only courts do.</p>
<p>Why she had to chose is not the issue. The choice was made by her, and that choice meant she would be cut off from her daughter. (That child is from a different mother than the son. SHe did not kick the son out.) She could have held off on the hormone treatment until the daughter was old enough to maintain a relationship without the mother’s control. Abernathy opted for the treatments & as a consequence, estrangement.</p>
<p>Parents who want to maintain relationships with their children will jump through hoops. That often means moves, job changes, careeer interruptions, and all sorts of sacrifices. A good, supportive parent will do these things. If Abernathy’s ex wives are as bad as you imply, then there is even MORE reason for her to stay connected, regardless of what sacrifices she must make.</p>
<p>There may be many other issues Abernathy is not sharing with the reporter. Perhaps the girl’s mother has very prudent reasons for keeping Abernathy away that have nothing to do with the gender change. But they don’t make a newsworthy story.</p>
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<p>Of course you’re right. The direct responsibility for the situation is the court’s. But unless Ohio is that much more conservative than other states, I would be very surprised if the fact that a parent was transgendered, or in the process of transition, would lead a court to deny that parent visitation rights (except on the condition that the parent present as their original gender) unless the other parent was strongly opposed to it. If there were no conflict between the parents on the custody issue, I doubt any court would care that much in this day and age. (Always acknowledging the possibility that someone could have the bad luck to have a transphobic/homophobic judge assigned to one’s case.)</p>
<p>It does sound like Ms. Abernathy might have handled the timing better – maybe waiting until the divorce/custody situation was completely resolved to begin her medical treatments, or, perhaps, keeping them secret for some period of time from her ex-wife and daughter, concealing their physical effects until later on. (I’m not a divorce lawyer; I don’t know if any of that would ultimately have made a difference in this case.) </p>
<p>I do wonder if she’s asked the court more recently to revisit the custody issue, and tried to demonstrate that she’s still a good citizen, is a good parent to her son, and that there’s nothing bizarre or scary about her that should deprive her of her daughter. Obviously, I have no personal knowledge of the situation.</p>
<p>StickerShock, sorry about my mistake – I simply didn’t notice the fact that there were two different mothers involved. In that case, I think both of them have some things to answer for! Especially the one who kicked out her son for being gay. I know it happens, all too much, but I just can’t get my head around the concept of a parent rejecting their child like that.</p>
<p>And I do understand your viewpoint, believe me. I would go to almost any lengths, and make almost any sacrifices, to maintain a close relationship with my son. (I say “almost” even though I can’t think, at the moment, of anything I <em>wouldn’t</em> do.) I can’t even imagine being separated from him all those years, like the situation in this article. He’s been everything to me, his whole life. When a child is born, I do believe that one’s responsibility, first and foremost, is to that child. Whether you’re the father or the mother shouldn’t matter.</p>
<p>But, then again, I don’t know the details; we’re all just speculating based on one article. I’ve read of transgendered people who <em>can’t</em> wait to transition, who are so desperate that they would otherwise commit suicide. </p>
<p>Anyway, that part of it is a sad situation. But I’m glad that at least she has her son.</p>