Faults (grade my essay, I beseech you)

<p>This essay was done in less than 25 minutes under SAT I conditions. Please take no more than 3 minutes to grade it, and make it out of twelve; be as brutal as possible, as you would to my mother My thanks goes to you. </p>

<p>**Prompt: Do we benefit from learning about the flaws of people we admire and respect? **</p>

<p>Through the identification of faults in society’s most revered persons, individuals are able to develop intellectually and socially. Several examples from history and classic literature clearly reflect these benefits within flaw identification.</p>

<p>In the classic novel To Kill a Mockingbird, the protagonist, Edwardo Culleth, greatly admires the top bird, John Sadison, and endeavors to reach the magnitude of his social status. John Sadison, the top bird, is exalted by everyone within the nest, being acknowledged as the most sagacious entity in their vicinity. At first, Edwardo was one of the many impregnated with awe and fascination of John’s intellectual superiority. However, Edwardo soon finds imperfection in John’s realm of thought, and realizes that John himself is not as perfect as he seems. This unforeseen epiphany in the novel sparks a chain reaction in Edwardo, compelling him to become a bird which has the cerebral qualities that John lacks. Eventually, Edward develops into superior bird with a sagacity that is unmatched, and becomes the top bird. Such a feat was contributed entirely to Edwardo’s learning of flaws within John Sadison. Therefore, the events in To Kill a Mockingbird prove that descrying imperfection an exalted individual facilitates intellectual development. </p>

<p>Throughout the industrial 1800s, Great Britain’s royal emperor Lelouch Lamperoona was lauded by millions, being praised as the most munificent and righteously scrupulous monarch that had ever existed in their time. Although Lamperoona’s kindness and generosity was seen by many as genuine and forgiving, few dared to speak out against the royal monarch in fear of prosecution and other methods of incarceration which came with
British emperors. One of these few speakers was the indomitable Kallen Stockfield. Kallen was a political activist who found one ostensible flaw in Lelouch’s methods of ruling: he was simply too kind. She realized that Lelouch’s amiable establishment of prestigious homes for the homeless, disinvasion of the inferior New England, and the creation of rehabilition camps for the psychologically ill, were all actions that were slowing the progress of imperial Britain. At first, she was rather reluctant in informing these flaws to Lelouch because of the threat of prosecution, but the fear did not last long. In the three days proceeding this realization, Kallen had successfully called a quick and hasty congregation with His majesty. She explicitly stated to Lelouch the faults of his ruling, and suggested methods in which he could make the nation a better one. In ascertaining the flaws of Lelouch’s rule, improved herself socially by speaking out against the emperor, an action unheard of the in 1800s.
Thus, the identification of faults in respected persons will develop one socially. </p>

<p>After carefully analyzing To Kill a Mockingbird and Lelouch Lamperoona’s rule*, it can be concluded that identification of a respected individual’s flaws can only confer social and intellectual development in an individual. Indeed, this learning of imperfection, there is no stimulus to deveop the indvidual. The learning of one’s imperfection is indubitably necessary in order for an individual to develop socially and intellectually.</p>

<p>I really have no idea on how to score this based on SAT principles but I will mention your mistakes.</p>

<p>Your first example is talking about a fiction novel which doesn’t accurately portray a real life scenario and in your second example you never directly mentioned how Kallen benefited from assisting Lelouch. Rather, you simply stated that she benefited socially in some manner. Even worse, you went out of your way to write that she feared him when the prompt is asking you about those one admires. Also, read your last sentence in your conclusion and then read your given prompt. One can assume that you lost your focus on the prompt based on both that and your second example. If indeed you believed it to be necessary and not just beneficial then you should have gone with an approach similar to this one “The learning of an admired individual’s imperfection is indubitably not beneficial, but necessary in order for an individual to develop socially and intellectually.” </p>

<p>Still, you would probably get a 5 as I’m just a naturally picky person and any example is appropriate for the SAT.</p>

<p>You meant 5 out of 6, yes?</p>

<p>No, 5 out of 12. Your essay sucked that bad. I think that guy was being to generous, I would give it a 3 out of 12. Why don’t you ask your English teacher to look at it instead of some random person online who probably doesn’t know a thing about grading essays?</p>

<p>

No, I will not grade an essay filled with obvious (Great Britain’s “royal emperor”), made-up crap and pretentious/flawed advanced vocabulary use. Sorry.</p>