Fear of flying

Parent Cafe
1

Six or seven years ago, I was flying from Seattle to Sacramento. Twenty minutes into the flight, the overhead lights on the left side of the cabin all went out. Oh well, there was enough light from the window to read, so no biggie. Then a couple of minutes later, the captain told us that there was an electrical problem and we were going to divert to Portland. That was plenty scary; we were only an hour from Sac at that point, and they didn’t know if the plane would make it that far?? But what really frightened me was when the flight attendant told us a few moments later to return to our seats, put the trays up, etc. – and her voice was shaking. I’m one of those people who watches the FAs for cues. The turbulence may seem scary to me, but if they’re cheerfully going about their business, I know that everything is fine. I’d never known an FA to display fear, until that day.

It took maybe 30 minutes to get to Portland but it seemed like an eternity, and it was a strange flight. The FAs buckled in as soon as everything was buttoned down. All cabin lighting was turned off. The plane descended to maybe half of cruising altitude for the duration of the flight, and it seemed to me to be flying quite slowly. Turns weren’t the usual degree of bank turns, but were very very gradual. When we landed we could see next to the runway the full fleet of emergency vehicles, lights flashing, and they escorted us all the way to the gate.

I’d never been a comfortable flyer, but that really shook me up. Since then, I’ve managed to grit my teeth and get on planes when necessary – blessedly infrequently – but it’s been one of my least favorite things to do. But what happened this past Sunday (yes, on 9/11) has put me off flying forever.

We were again flying Seattle to Sacto. The flight was pre-boarding, so we got up and sauntered over to where we figured the line would form, and we happened to stand in front of a guy who was talking on his phone. After a minute, I somehow noticed that he wasn’t having a conversation but rather seemed to be recording a message, so I started listening and heard things like: “It’s been an honor to be your son.” “You’ve been the best wife any man could have asked for.” “To my church friends, the ministry is well established and will be fine.” And finally, “I love you all, and I’ll see you in heaven.”

That “in heaven” was it for me. As casually as possible, I went to the counter and told the agent what I’d heard. (DH remained where he was, and heard the guy replay his message several times.) The agent immediately called her supervisor, who immediately went to talk to her manager. Some minutes went by, and we told the gate agent that if that guy got on the plane, we wouldn’t. She told us that they’d hold the plane until this was resolved, and advised us to go ahead down to the end of the gangway. In a few minutes, the supervisor came down to tell us that the guy had been denied boarding and the police had been called, and we could go ahead. Fortunately the flight was smooth and pleasant, but our hearts were still pounding hours after we landed.

We’ve speculated about what the guy’s deal was. Was he going to commit suicide once he got to Sacramento? Was he going to commit suicide on the plane? Was he going to commit suicide by bringing the plane down? Was there some innocent reason for what sounded like a final farewell to his loved ones just as he was boarding a commercial airliner? It’s been suggested that maybe he was sick, but he looked perfectly healthy. And perfectly ordinary: a 35-ish white guy, calm demeanor, dressed in jeans and t-shirt, one carry-on. There was absolutely nothing about him which would have drawn attention if we hadn’t happened to be standing 3 feet away from him.

Yes, I know the statistics, but I’ve now personally had two terrifying experiences, one involving the airplane and one involving the fact that you never know who your fellow passengers are. These weren’t “I need to learn calming techniques” situations. These were situations of danger, and I’m thankful for good pilots and good gate personnel. But I never want to get on another airplane.

2

Wow! How fortunate you were to be standing there, no matter if he had something planned or not. I totally u derstand your fear. I had one scary flying experience where the plane turned around 5 minutes after take off about 25 years ago. I hate flying, hate it. But I do it when need be. I sort of have to put myself in a mental zone and block out all bad thoughts or I’d never get on. I just keep telling myself I’m statistically safer in the air than driving. That helps somewhat, but then I think how terrifying it must be yo be on a plane knowing you are going to die. Shiver.

3

LasMa that is very odd and I think you did a good thing reporting that man.

We were on a flight from DC to London 5 years ago which was diverted to Iceland due to an issue with the plane. It was in the middle of the night, over the ocean and completely freaked out our kids (who were 20 and 15 at the time).
We all still fly, but I admit it makes me nervous.

4

Thank goodness you overheard him and I don’t blame you for reporting it.
I’m a fearful flyer, too. The SOAR book helped me. I didn’t pay for the expensive add-ons to the program but I did get a lot from the book.

5

I wonder what that man’s deal was. And I wonder if we’ll ever know.

6

Yikes! How scary. I’m afraid to fly as well. Flew yesterday from DFW to Raleigh/Durham. We had a four hour delay due to a hydraulic leak they could not figure out the cause of. They eventually brought in a new plane. The passengers were fantastic about it. NO ONE complained. The common refrain I kept hearing was “hey, I don’t want to get on a plane with that kind of problem. It’s okay.”

7

That guy might have been a nervous flyer, that wanted to leave a message for his family just in case they plane would crash.

I was really scared of flying too. What helped me get over it was watching the show Air Crash Investigation. After learning how much has to go wrong for an airplane to actually crash I got over that fear very quick. I am more worried to get killed in a car crash than in a plane crash.

8

almost every day we all see car accidents on the highway or near our homes. we all probably have been in car accidents ourselves and know people who have lost their life in an auto accident. the number of people a year who lose their lives is horrible. yet we keep driving. I do not fear flying. I hate the lines and delays when I fly. (yes even with a 4 hour delay going from NYC to LA in 5-6 hours plus the delay 10 hours is amazing)
even boarding the plane is an adventure, and who does not enjoy getting crammed in a super tiny seat and a person with a massive bag trying to shove it in the overhead above them. flying should not scare you. (yes it is easy to say, overcoming a phobia, anxiety etc is a difficult feat) but…it really is true it is more dangerous driving to and from the airport.

9

Maybe he was just another fearful flyer!

10

I wonder if he was terrified. Maybe he was going to commit suicide at some point, or perhaps he had a terminal illness that wasn’t obvious. You definitely did the right thing by reporting it. Who knows, maybe you saved his life?

As far as taking the airplane down, that would be just about impossible for one passenger. Impenetrable, locked cockpit doors, crew and passengers who will tackle someone if needed. It’s a different world after 9/11, and I think people are still ready if need be. You might find it empowering to think about what you could do to stop someone from causing harm. It really helped me be comfortable after 9/11. For example, I like to sit on the aisle, near the front (first class if possible–for safety, of course! :D), and I’ve decided to be the wall before anyone who is a threat makes it up to the cockpit. I locate what I could use as a weapon. Fire extinguishers, coffee pots, other people’s items, an item in my bag, flashlights, bottle of wine if I can see the galley (nooooo :-O), and a good sized bag with a heavy laptop at my feet. Someone comes rushing up to the front, you can trip them, stand up in front of them quickly. I also look around and see who I think might help me, stronger looking men, fit women with that gleam in their eyes.

I pay attention, if someone starts acting weird, I watch even closer. And noticing strange behavior before you take off is a really smart idea, like you did. Better to report something and have security deal with it while you’re on the ground. I admit I may be a little paranoid about this, but it does comfort me to think that I can be proactive, and already resolved to take action.

I don’t know if that is helpful to make you feel better, but consider that there are many people like me on most any flight. A lot of commuting crewmembers that you aren’t aware of, and people who will take action if needed.

11

As far as the diversion into Portland, I don’t think I would be too freaked out about that. Maybe it was the flight attendant’s first diversion, maybe she was new. Diverting into an airport along the route doesn’t mean they don’t think they can’t make their destination, but can often be just a precautionary action. Sometimes the problem is just an indication and not an actual problem at all, but as a matter of safety, they don’t want to take a chance. Electrical problems are a little weird. They can be minor, or more serious, but perhaps they were afraid it was going to develop into something more serious. Sometimes it’s just a matter of judgment and opinion whether one would divert, one guy might do it, another might not…for example, one guy I know just diverted for an issue that I thought, “What? That’s a big nothing, why not continue on?” But I try not to second guess people too much, when I’m not there.

I would suspect the slow airspeed and gradual turns were because they were trying to get enough time to run all their checklists and prepare to land at a different field than planned. It is not unusual to be met on the runway with a fire truck. If they have declared an emergency, that would be provided as a precautionary measure. I’ve asked for one a couple of times. When to worry? When they do an immediate descent, as far as possible, into some tiny airfield you’ve never heard of. And if the pilots sound nervous!

12

When I was living in Japan the plane we were on almost landed on another plane that was sitting on the runway (it taxiied to the wrong place). I’ve also been in a catastrophic train wreck.

I still get on planes and trains (although not Amtrak because I loathe them as a company). I figure my probability of being in an another accident/near accident went way down.

I drive big, safe, heavy cars, wear my seatbelt, don’t text and drive, try and schedule surgeries when the surgeon isn’t tired, and take my vitamins.

The rest you just gotta kind of let go of worrying about, because you can’t control it without making your world very small.

13

“We were on a flight from DC to London 5 years ago which was diverted to Iceland due to an issue with the plane. It was in the middle of the night, over the ocean and completely freaked out our kids (who were 20 and 15 at the time).
We all still fly, but I admit it makes me nervous”

@FallGirl, having to divert while over the ocean would make me nervous, too. In the US, there are all sorts of options, airfields everywhere. Over the ocean, the nearest airport can be hours away. Once in the Air Force, we had to divert into Goose Bay, and it took awhile to get there. It was some sort of bleed leak that was burning a hole through our engine pylon, that could have developed into a fire. It seemed like it took forever to get there. And forever once we landed, we were stuck there for a week, in the winter! So bored.

14

Busdriver I was hoping you’d respond. :slight_smile:

15

You know I couldn’t resist, LasMa. I promise that if we’re ever on the same flight, I’ll sit next to you, make you forget your worries, and hold your hand if needed. And buy the wine (which certainly helps to forget those worries a lot)! :smiley:

My sister absolutely loathes flying, and is petrified to fly, so one time the only way I could talk her into visiting me was to fly with her. I found that getting her upgraded to first class, talking and making jokes during turbulence, and loading her up with good red wine, she had a great time and was not fearful at all.

16

Busdriver, sorry for the thread diversion, but I have heard that the biggest change post 9-11 is the impenetrable cockpit door, and given that makes it impossible for “bad guys” to overcome the pilot and fly the plane, all the rest is security theater. Do you mind giving your opinion on that?

17

Yes, Pizzagirl, the door is impenetrable, and it would be very difficult to get into. However, though I’d like to think it would be impossible for the bad guys to get away with breaching the cockpit, nothing is impossible. I’m not going to say the possibilities on a public forum, for obvious reasons, of course! :open_mouth: . However, besides the redesigned doors, I think the strongest defense is that the crew and the passengers realize that times have now changed. Any threat, and people will take immediate action, I believe. They understand that the pilots can’t come back to take care of it, and the threat is from people who don’t intend to survive. It’s a different philosophy that before…which was to do everything to prevent someone from getting hurt, placate the hijackers. Now, it’s lethal force approved if necessary.

18

I wonder how actively air marshals are being used these days. I don’t hear about them anymore.

19

If the air marshals are there, they are very discreet, you generally wouldn’t know about them. Probably what is more common is armed crewmembers, just traveling home or to a trip, but you wouldn’t know about them either. I am very appreciative that they are there, however, I don’t think I’d want that responsibility. I’m afraid I’d either leave my gun somewhere (huge deal), or accidentally leave it in my bag through security (generally a firing offense), or shoot myself in the foot just repositioning it!

20

I don’t fly much (I’m a fearful flyer) but the last time I was on a plane, a few years ago, I noticed that at one point, a flight attendant was standing in the aisle, right in front of the first row of seats, and looking very serious. I eventually figured out it was because one of the pilots was using the bathroom, and another flight attendant was in the cockpit until the pilot returned. I felt reassured.