<p>I think this was deleted so I will try again and be more sensitive? I guess?</p>
<p>I just want to know why parents get upset about their children having sex. If their child is a proper age, I don’t understand why an adult would want to tell another adult not to experience this wonderful thing. Not just intercourse, but any sexual act. My mom still tells me I won’t do anything like that “until you’re 33!”</p>
<p>What would be a “proper age”?
So I would agree that unless someone is exhibiting destructive and dangerous behavior at which point I would speak up whether it was my child or a friend or an older adult, I don’t think that parents should place judgement on their adult child sexual relationships.</p>
<p>However if they are not an adult, then it is part of the parents job to educate the child, especially as to the ramifications of sexual activity with another person.</p>
<p>Proper age as in legal age. I just want to know how parents FEEL about this…</p>
<p>As a parent, I want my kids to exhibit responsibility for themselves and for others. That involves using sound judgment to make reasoned decisions. If they are using that quality of judgment and displaying a high level of responsibility, then I trust them to make good decisions about any aspect of their personal lives. If they’re not displaying judgment and responsibility, then I’d have concerns regardless of their age or marital status.</p>
<p>Having a sexual relationship puts a person in an emotionally vulnerable situation. It also involves physical risks (sexually transmitted diseases, and, if the relationship is a heterosexual one, the possibility of pregnancy). We want you to be confident that you’re doing what’s right for you before you put yourself at risk of getting hurt emotionally, and we want to know that you’re mature enough to have protected yourself appropriately against the physical risks.</p>
<p>Also, to be very blunt, sex is not always wonderful. When you become sexually active, you’re adding something to your life that may indeed be very rewarding, but you’re also facing the possibility of a whole new set of problems in your life. It’s kind of like owning a car. It can be great, but it also complicates things. You need to know this.</p>
<p>Owning a car is pretty simple compared to managing your sex life. I think that most parents concerns involves both emotion and physical damage being sexually active can cost. I think there is also a tendency amongst parents to see a child with an active sex life as no long being “my baby.” Raising a child from birth you are bound to think of times when they were younger, and associating sexual activity with the little 2 year old you once knew seems a bit difficult. Am I right folks?</p>
<p>You’re right, UriA702, but it was the best analogy I could think of at the moment.</p>
<p>Marian - Although I have seen some people draw serious emotional attachments to their cars. Often Italians, they seem to be very sentimental with cars, naming it and referring to the vehicle as “her”</p>
<p>I usually have serious emotional attachments to other peoples’ cars.</p>
<p>People tend to draw an emotional attachment to my car. She’s quite the looker ;-)</p>
<p>I was thinking more in practical terms when I made the car/sex analogy. </p>
<p>Like there are risks of “accidents” with both cars and sex.</p>
<p>And both owning a car and having a sexual relationship place responsibilities on you that you didn’t have before.</p>
<p>Also, the use of alcohol can lead to irresponsible actions with regard to both cars and sex.</p>
<p>Come to think of it, maybe my analogy wasn’t so bad after all.</p>
<p>Except that I seem to spend a lot more time getting my car fixed than going to the gynecologist. But then, I spend more hours of my life driving than having sex (which is perhaps unfortunate).</p>
<p>Personally, I have no difficulty thinking of my kids (ages 18 and 21) having sexual relationships. One of them has already had such relationships, and it doesn’t bother me at all. Actually, I think that kids – even grown kids – have more difficulty imagining their parents having sex than the other way around. But I may be wrong.</p>
<p>Actually, I think sex is a lot less complicated than car ownership. Contraceptives are a lot cheaper than car insurance, and even though there is an emotional risk and the possibility of transmission of STD’s, an “accident” is unlikely to be fatal. Complicated yes; but I have always worried a lot more about my d. on the road.</p>
<p>Most parents were not virgins on their wedding day so much of this is do as I say and not do as I did.</p>
<p>I think basically is that we parents tend to view our children through idealized eyes and it is difficult to visualized them as sexually active. Once you become a parent of a teenager you will more fully understand our quandry.</p>
<p>In response to the OP:</p>
<p>Not all parents are upset at the idea of their adult children having sex (intercourse, or otherwise). </p>
<p>To use a non-car analogy, sex is like a thrilling ride in an amusement park. You can do it with strangers but it is a lot more fun with friends. Nobody should be forced to do it. And it is extremely important to follow safety precautions.</p>
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<p>WHAT? My parents had sex with each other? NOT POSSIBLE</p>
<p>maybe some parents are uncomfortable with their children having pre-marital intercourse?</p>
<p>Yes, parents are uncomfortable. The OP is asking why they are uncomfortable with it. She wants to know why parents seem so frustrated when the issue of their children having active sex lives comes up.</p>
<p>^^^i meant to say that perhaps they are uncomfortable with pre-marital intercourse because it is against their religious beliefs/convictions.</p>
<p>IMHO, if a child is having sex – and, God forbid, enjoying it!!, this means they are no longer under our control. I know that sounds stupid, but there it is. </p>
<p>OTOH, I happen to think that’s a good thing – assuming the child is mature and responsible enough to handle it. I want my kids to be able to handle life by themselves. </p>
<p>My goal in life, for 23 years now, has been to create happy, independent adults. I have always assumed that included sex.</p>
<p>I think it depends on both the child’s physical and emotional age. Some 17 year olds are very emotionally mature, and some are NOT. There are some teens for whom a month seems like forever. Sex is something that should be special, and I think that a lot of teens who become sexually active at a young age later wish that they had waited. </p>
<p>IMHO, kids are growing up too fast these days, and sex is a large part of that. You have the REST OF YOUR LIFE to be an adult, but only one chance to be a child and one chance to be a teen. It bugs me when middle schools have dances with darkened lights and provocative music. What’s left to look forward to at a high school dance? It bugs me when kids try to turn the Freshman Banquet into the Junior Prom with gowns and limos. If you turn the Frosh banquet into the Jr Prom, what’s left to be special when you’re a junior? I know someone who rented a hall with a band for her daughter’s 18th birthday - what is she going to do when she gets married? And if you have sex with a guy you like when you’re sixteen, how is it going to be special when you’re 22?</p>