February 14

<p>Forgive me, this is a very self-centered post. I just need a morale boost and don't have anyone I feel I can talk to. </p>

<p>I experience loneliness to varying degrees every day, but 2/14 is especially painful because most people around me are happy and I am supposed to be happy too. But really, I think just being alone is hard enough every day. </p>

<p>I'm not outgoing but I consider myself reasonably well-adjusted. Career-wise, I am actually doing very well. But, I am scrawny and considered unattractive. A quarter of my friends are already married or engaged. These days it seems every interesting female I meet is committed (not that I currently know anyone I'm REALLY interested in, either). In stark contrast, I am 24 and have never met a girl even remotely interested in me. Most have turned me down gently, some could have been more considerate.</p>

<p>I feel very behind for my age. I don't want to spend my twenties and thirties alone. Yet it seems certain characteristics about me make me prohibitively unattractive. </p>

<p>I guess I'm wondering, has anyone managed to pull out of a situation like this before middle age?</p>

<p>Yes. I was a late bloomer too. There are women who feel just like you do, and are waiting for the right guy to come along. They feel just as certain that you're not out there. Since you're both kind of shy, it takes longer to find each other. It will happen.</p>

<p>For this Tuesday, do you have any unattached guy friends who you could spend the evening with?</p>

<p>My boyfriend is 27 and has been single for a long time, we just started seeing each other four months ago. I can see why he was single for so long, his lifestyle was really not conducive to being with anyone besides me. :P He just needed to meet the right person, as did I. I'm sure you just need to meet the right person, too. There are PLENTY of single women your age. It feels like it's a little harder to meet people as young professionals than it was as a student, but you just have to be a little more creative and outgoing to find your people.. it's hard when you're not naturally outgoing, but you can do it. Be patient. When you feel like you're not worth it, girls can sense that and we believe you-- if you can learn to project more confidence, we'll sense that too and wonder what your secret is. :P We're not as hard to win over as we like men to think we are.</p>

<p>You also might ask yourself whether you are being open to getting to know the women you meet, or whether you are judging them on superficial standards before you know them at all. (Just as you are afraid they do with you..)</p>

<p>As we are fond of saying on CC, to have choices, sometimes you have to cast a wider net. :)</p>

<p>I would also agree with LasMa.</p>

<p>Find something to do where you'll meet other young professionals. Maybe volunteer for the next charity run in your area - they always need volunteers. Maybe you'll develop a passion for running or at least you'll be increasing your social network (romantically or otherwise). </p>

<p>You could try an online dating service, but I find it easier to meet people while working together on a "project". You learn a lot more about a person working together than just having a drink or seeing a movie. If you're at all religious look for a church with an active singles group.</p>

<p>Best of luck...hang in there! Enjoy this time when you can do whatever you want whenever you want with whomever you want. When you've been married 10 years you'll be fondly remembering those times!</p>

<p>For Valentine's Day, First Grade teachers (I was one) are instructed to tell all parents that their child should give cards to everyone else in the class, so that nobody feels left out. Clearly, a romantic holiday that requires government intervention to save feelings has a shaky foundation. </p>

<p>The day works fine for adults already in a relationship or just-on-the-verge of one. Lacking that, the day can be mighty depressing. </p>

<p>For you this year, Feb 14 is anticipated as a trigger to a lot of sadness. It will certainly help if you can separate out February 14 from working on your larger concerns. I suggest:</p>

<p>-Google and Facebook for: "Singles Awareness Day" (aka "Singles Appreciation Day"); it's a humorous alternative holiday. </p>

<p>-Go media-free for 24 hours. Also stay out of stores and restaurants. Plan one day that is without public interaction in the marketplace. </p>

<p>-Don't let Feb 14 pressure, depress or measure you. It's just a day created to sell things.</p>

<ul>
<li>Work on the larger social issues in good time. Other parents will have good advice here.</li>
</ul>

<p>To the OP: my D is most likely looking for you, or someone like you. She just wants to find her best friend and then fall in love. She is exactly your age and working on her PhD and is finding it challenging to meet guys that she feels a connection with. She is not a flirty girl and also wants someone with whom she shares her faith. </p>

<p>So hang in there. There ARE women out there who are ready and eager to look beyond superficial qualities and into who you really are. Be a friend....make connections....it will happen.</p>

<p>Best to you!</p>

<p>Thank you so much everyone for your kind words and great advice. I ended up working late today... it wasn't so bad.</p>

<p>Confidence. That is what you need. </p>

<p>Sent from my iPod touch using CC</p>